Category Archives: Kindness / Gentleness

Grace / Patience, Kindness / Gentleness, Marriage, Patient, Peace / Rest, Purposeful / Intentional, Self Control

Foundation 5: Conflict Resolution in Marriage

This is part 5 of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 4: Communication in Marriage.

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 5. Foundation Five: Conflict Resolution in Marriage | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 5. Foundation Five_ Conflict Resolution In Marriage _ Bible.org

How should couples resolve conflict in marriage?

Conflict is, essentially, part of human nature. After Adam sinned in the Garden, conflict ensued. When God asked him if he had eaten of the forbidden tree, he did not simply say, “Yes.” He said, “The woman you gave me, gave me the fruit and I did eat.” He indirectly blamed God and directly blamed the woman. The woman then blamed the serpent. When sin entered the world, so did conflict. In fact, God said that one of the results of sin would be conflict between the man and the woman. The wife would desire to control the husband and the husband would try to dominate the woman by force (Gen 3:16).

As we go throughout the biblical narrative, we continually see the fruit of sin displayed in conflict. In Genesis 4, Cain killed his brother Abel. In the same chapter, Cain’s son, Lamech, killed another man and boasted about it. In Genesis 6, the world was full of “violence,” and God decided to wipe out its inhabitants through the flood. However, the flood didn’t change the nature of man, and therefore, conflict has continued throughout history. The world has known no time without war or conflict, and unfortunately, marriages are not exempt.

Paul taught that one of the fruits of the flesh, our sin nature, is “discord” (Gal 5:20). We are prone to offend others, to be offended, to hate, to withhold forgiveness, and to divide. Sadly, all these fruits are prone to blossom within the marriage union. Couples should be aware of this, and therefore, prepare to resolve conflict in marriage. How should couples resolve conflict in marriage?

In Conflict, We Must Have the Right Attitude

The first principle necessary to resolve conflict is to have the right attitude—one of joyful expectation in God. It is good to remember that conflict does not necessarily have to be detrimental to a marriage relationship. Conflict, as with all trials, is meant to test our faith, reveal sin in our hearts, develop character, and draw us closer to God (cf. Rom 5:3-5, Jam 1:2-4). Paul said this: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). Similarly, James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2-3). Paul said that we should rejoice in sufferings, and James said we should consider it “pure joy” when we encounter them because of God’s purposes in them. God does not waste suffering, including conflict within marriage. God uses conflict to make us grow into the image of Christ (cf. Rom 8:28-29), which should be our ultimate goal.

Many times God uses our spouse as sand paper to smooth out areas in our life that don’t reflect Christ. It has often been said, “Marriage is not about happiness; it is about holiness. And when we are holy, then we will truly be happy.” In marriage, we enter the ultimate accountability relationship, which is meant to help us grow as God’s children (cf. Eph 5:25-27).

Therefore, as James taught (James 1:2) and Paul taught (Rom 5:3), we should encounter marital conflict (and all trials) with joyful expectation, not because we enjoy suffering, but because we know God’s purposes in it. We worship a God who took the worst sin that ever happened in the world, the murder of his Son, and made it the best thing. It is for this reason that we can have a joyful expectation, even in conflict. This isn’t a denial of pain. It is both a recognition of pain and a future hope. It is like a mother giving birth. Even in the midst of pain, there is a joyful expectation. Many couples, who have gone through very difficult conflict, developed some of the strongest marriages—marriages used to counsel and repair others.

What is your attitude when you encounter conflict with your mate? If we don’t have the right attitude, if we are angry at our mate and angry at God, if we are depressed, bitter, and disillusioned, then it will negatively affect our behavior and our spouse, and therefore, reap harmful consequences in marriage. Conflict is really just an opportunity to grow, and we should view it that way.

What is your attitude during conflict? Do you have a joyful expectation of the work that God wants to do? Do you expect him to make you holier? Do you expect him to strengthen your capacity to love? That’s how Scripture tells us to view all trials.

In Conflict, We Must Develop Perseverance

In continuing with what Paul and James taught about trials, both taught that trials produce perseverance. Paul then said perseverance produces character and character hope (Rom 5:3-4). James said that we should “let perseverance finish its work so that we can become mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:3-4, NIV 2011). In marital conflict, we must develop perseverance so we can produce the fruits God wants to cultivate in our marriage.

This is difficult because the natural response to trials and conflict is to bail or quit. And that’s what many couples do. At some point they say, “That’s enough; I can’t live like this” and they quit. Some do this by divorcing, others by distancing themselves emotionally and physically, as they stop working to fix the marriage. However, Scripture teaches us to persevere in trials, which includes conflict. The word means to “bear up under a heavy weight.” God matures us individually and corporately as we bear up under the heavy weight. He teaches us to trust him more. He helps us develop peace, patience, and joy, regardless of our circumstances. He helps us grow in character as we “let perseverance finish its work.”

In order to resolve conflict, we must develop perseverance. That’s essentially what we promised to do in our wedding vows. We committed to love our spouse in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. We should be thankful when it is “better” and persevere when it is “worse”. For those who do, there is fruit. Paul said, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

Do you feel like quitting? Hold on, because God has a harvest for you if you don’t quit.

In Conflict, We Must Sow Good Seeds

Not only must we have the right attitude when encountering conflict, but we also must sow the right seeds to resolve it. Paul said that whatever we sow, we will also reap (Gal 6:7). Sowing and reaping is a principle God set throughout the earth, and it is at work within every marriage as well. If we sow negative seeds, we will reap negative fruit. It we sow positive seeds, we will reap positive fruit.

Sadly, even though we all want a positive harvest in our marriage, we typically respond in ways that are counter to that. A wife wants her husband to spend more time with her, but in order to get that, she criticizes him. The fruit she desires is opposite of the seed she is sowing. The seed of criticism will only produce a negative fruit in her husband. Similarly, a husband, who wants intimacy with his wife, actually begins to withdraw from her. He withdraws hoping that this will draw her closer, but it actually does the opposite. The negative seed of withdrawing cannot produce the positive fruit of intimacy.

In conflict, we must do the opposite of what our nature desires. We may have a desire to raise our voice, and/or to hurt the other person, but these seeds will only produce negative fruits and potentially destruction in the marriage. To resolve conflict, we must always sow the right seeds.

Similarly, consider what Paul taught about how we should respond to an enemy. He said:

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:19-21

Paul taught that in response to an enemy, we must overcome evil with good. Instead of responding with anger or seeking revenge, we should sow kindness and generosity. If he is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Instead of being overcome by evil, we must overcome evil by continually sowing good.

What good seeds can we sow while we are in conflict? Maybe, it could be the good seed of a listening ear. It could be the seed of affirmation. It could be the seed of service. Certainly, it must be the seed of unconditional love. In conflict, we must sow good seeds to reap a good harvest.

With that said, we must always remember that conflict resolution is very much like farming. Sometimes, it may take months or years to get the harvest we desire. Many become discouraged while waiting for their spouse to change or for the conflict to be resolved. Typically, in that discouragement, people start to sow negative seeds that only hinder the harvest they seek. A verse worth repeating while considering conflict resolution is, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). We must not only sow good seeds, but we must faithfully do it until God brings the harvest. We plant and water, but only God makes the seed grow in his time (cf. 1 Cor 3:6-7).

What type of negative seeds do you have a tendency to sow when in conflict? How is God calling you to sow positive seeds to reap a positive harvest?

In Conflict, We Must Talk to Our Spouse First Before Others

Another important principle to apply in conflict is talking to our spouse first before talking to anybody else. This is a principle that Christ taught about dealing with sin in general. In Matthew 18:15 he said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

This is important for several reasons. First, it shows respect for our spouse. It is disrespectful to discuss a problem with our mom, our friend, or anybody else not first discussed with our spouse. If our spouse finds out, it may actually cause more conflict. Secondly, every story has two sides, and those who are closest to us (such as family and friends) may not have the ability to give us unbiased counsel. Even for myself, as a pastoral counselor, I have to work really hard to not jump to conclusions after hearing only one side of the story. This does not mean that we shouldn’t talk to those closest to us, we should, but only after trying to resolve it with our spouse first. And when we do talk to others, we should still respect and honor our spouse.

Christ taught that when somebody sins against us, we should go to that person first (Matt 18:15). Many couples increase their conflict by bringing others in without first seeking to resolve it with their spouse alone.

In Conflict, We Must Seek Wise Counselors

Though this point may seem like it contradicts the previous one, it doesn’t. Christ taught that we should confront a person in sin one on one, and if they don’t respond, then invite others into the process, including the church. Matthew 18:16-17 says this:

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Though this was originally spoken about a brother in sin, it certainly applies to sin or conflict within marriage. God made us part of the body of Christ, which includes our marriage. When a natural body is sick, it often results in fever. In a fever, the body simply recruits itself to bring healing. In the same way, a Christian marriage needs the body’s help to stay healthy. Marriages should always operate as a part of the body of Christ, but in times of difficulty, they need the body’s help even more.

For many, this is countercultural. While in serious conflict, many couples hesitate to invite anybody into their marriage to help. Pride keeps them from exposing themselves and getting the help they need. This is actually another result of the Fall. When Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden tree, they looked at one another, saw their nakedness, and hid. They then put on fig leaves. At the Fall, humanity lost its intended transparency. We hide from one another; we put on a fake smile even when things are bad. We hide behind our clothes, our houses, our jobs, and our hobbies. We are deathly afraid of people knowing us: our insecurities and our problems. We even hide from God, as Adam and Eve did.

However, in order to build the healthy marriage God meant for us, we must be willing to expose ourselves and seek help. In Matthew 18, Christ said that if approaching the person in sin does not work, we should bring one or two others for accountability. If that doesn’t help, invite the church. And if that doesn’t help, the church should lovingly discipline the erring mate. This is difficult, but if we are followers of Christ, we must trust he knows best. God wants to use other godly people to speak into our marriage and sharpen it as iron sharpens iron (Prov 27:17).

Who would you invite to help your marriage? They should be wise people who can understand you, and who are walking with Christ—preferably a married couple. Solomon said: “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure” (Prov 11:14).

Every president or king selects a cabinet with many advisers. The cabinet advises the president on foreign policy, educational reform, health care, etc., and this multitude of counselors helps bring victory. In the same way, a marriage needs a multitude of counselors, especially when in conflict. Yes, a couple should try to resolve the problem together first, but after that, they should seek help.

This should be considered even before getting married. Who will be your “many advisers” that make victory sure? It could be your parents, a wise couple in the church, your pastor, your small group leader, etc. The selection of these wise counselors takes great wisdom because all counselors are not created equal. These counselors should primarily use the Bible, as Scripture is sufficient to train us in all righteousness. Second Timothy 3:16-17 says this:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

God’s Word is useful to train and equip us for every good work, which includes marriage. Those who disregard Scripture, do it to their own peril and that of their marriage.

In finding counselors, ideally, the couple would agree on whom to approach. But at times when one mate doesn’t want help, the other mate may still need to seek help in obedience to Christ’s teaching in Matthew 18. This is how Christ intended his church to function. Not only should we depend on God, but we should depend on one another. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you” (1 Cor 12:21). By not using the body, we spiritually impoverish ourselves. Independent couples may spend their entire marriage spiritually sick, or even worse, the marriage may end in divorce.

Who are your wise counselors who help you achieve victory? Have you and your mate considered this question? Are you willing to allow the church to be involved in your marriage as Christ desires?

In Conflict, We Must Immediately Seek Resolution

Another important principle that must be applied in marriage is to seek to resolve conflict as soon as possible. Both mates should agree to this principle early in the relationship. Paul said in Ephesians 4:26-27: ”In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Paul says to get rid of anger before the day is over, because if we don’t, it will give Satan a foothold. What does this mean? “Foothold” is war terminology. It means that unforgiveness and anger will give Satan a door to continually attack a person or a relationship.

We learn more about this from the Parable of the Merciless Servant in Matthew 18:23-35. In this story, a servant owed his master a great amount of money, so he begged for mercy. The master forgave him the entire debt. However, this servant had a fellow servant who owed him a smaller debt. The servant with the debt pleaded for mercy, but the servant, who had been forgiven, instead threw him in prison. When the master heard about this, he became very angry and tossed the servant, whom he had previously forgiven, into prison to be tortured by the jailors. Listen to what Christ said to his disciples about this parable: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).

Christ said to the disciples that if they didn’t forgive others from the heart, God would do the same to them. Who are these torturers? No doubt, they refer to Satan and his demons (cf. 1 Sam 16:14, 1 Cor 5:5, 1 Tim 1:20). This is the consequence for harboring anger and unforgiveness towards others. If God has forgiven us of every sin we committed and will commit, how can we justifiably hold grudges against others, especially our spouse? When we choose to hold anger and bitterness, God hands us over to the enemy for discipline.

For many couples, because of their disobedience to God in holding bitterness and anger, their marriage has become a playground for the enemy. He lies to them; he accuses them. He tempts them to go outside of the marriage, and he also may bring sickness and other types of consequences for their rebellion (cf. Lk 13:11-16, Job 2:4-7).

To make this situation even worse, Scripture says when we are walking in unforgiveness, God will not forgive us (Matt 6:15) and he won’t hear our prayers. Peter called for husbands to be considerate of their wives and to treat them with respect so that nothing would hinder their prayers (1 Peter 3:7). A marriage where the mates hold bitterness and anger towards one another is a marriage where prayer is powerless, which opens a greater door for the enemy to attack and bring destruction.

When in conflict, we must seek resolution immediately. Certainly, we can’t force somebody to forgive us or to desire to work things out. However, we can do as much as possible to live at peace with someone. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Are you holding a grudge against your mate? How is God calling you to seek resolution?

In Conflict, We Must Be Willing to Sacrifice

Intrinsic to the Christian life is sacrifice. We follow a Savior who left heaven and all the worship offered to him there to come to earth as a servant and die for the sins of the world. True followers of Christ should be known by sacrifice. In fact, Christ said that one could not be his disciple without taking up his cross daily (Lk 9:23). This life of a sacrifice should be especially displayed when in conflict. Paul said this to the Philippian church who was struggling with an internal conflict (cf. Phil 4:1-3):

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Philippians 2:3-5

In the context of a call to unity (cf. Phil 2:1-2), Paul said the Philippians should “do nothing out of selfish ambition”. The primary reason couples struggle with discord is because of selfishness. One person wants this, while the other wants that. However, Paul said to do nothing out of selfish ambition. In conflict, one must ask, “Is this desire something God wants, as displayed in his Word, or is this my preference?” Most conflicts are over selfish preferences instead of over something that genuinely matters, such as loving God and loving others, the two greatest commandments (cf. Matt 22:36-40).

Instead of being driven by self, Paul said to “in humility” consider others better than ourselves and to seek the interest of others. In conflict, one must ask, “How can I seek my spouse’s betterment or desires over mine?” Essentially, Paul was calling the Philippian church to live a life of sacrifice in order to be unified (v. 2). This sacrifice was further magnified when he said, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (v. 5). In the rest of the text, he described how Christ gave up his rights as God, took the form of a servant, died on the cross, and how God exalted him for his sacrifice (v. 6-9). This is the mind that should be in Christians, helping them to walk in unity with their brothers and sisters. And this is the mind that should be seen in every marriage, enabling them to walk in unity instead of discord (cf. Eph 5:25).

Christian couples should resolve their conflicts by caring more for their spouse’s desires than their own. They should humble themselves even as Christ did. He gave up his comfort and his rights to serve us.

How is God calling you to sacrifice in order to resolve conflict or a potential conflict in marriage? Is he calling you to give up a friendship that is a bad influence or causes discord? Is he calling you to help more around the house, to care more for the kids, to start participating in something your spouse enjoys but you don’t, to spend more time with your spouse instead of doing something else? How can you demonstrate Christ’s sacrifice in your marriage? Sacrifice is the secret to resolving conflict, while selfishness is the catalyst of conflict.

In Conflict, We Must Love Our Spouse Deeply and Cover His or Her Sins

Finally, when in conflict, we must love our spouse and cover his or her sins. First Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” The Greek word for “deeply” is an athletic word used of muscles stretching or straining.

This is a rich word-picture of our love during conflict. In the same way a muscle must be strained and stretched to develop and become stronger, God often strengthens our love through conflict and difficulty with our spouse. Even though this stretching hurts, it actually results in a greater capacity to love. Therefore, couples, who deeply love and cover one another’s sins while in conflict, gain the ability to love more deeply. Certainly, this must be an encouragement as we stretch our love to cover our spouse’s sins while in conflict.

Stretching our love will often mean overlooking and forgetting the failures of our spouse. First Corinthians 13:5 says love “keeps no record of wrongs.” God will call us to not even bring up some issues. While others, he will call us to firmly speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15) and work towards a resolution, especially when it involves sin.

How is God calling you to love your spouse deeply and cover his or her sins in order to resolve conflict?

Conclusion

Because sin became part of the human nature in the Fall, we are prone to conflict, even conflict with those we love most. For that reason, we must wisely prepare for conflict because it will happen in the marriage union. We can resolve conflict by:

    1. Having the right attitude: one of joyful expectation, instead of wrong attitudes.
    2. Developing perseverance instead of quitting physically or emotionally.
    3. Sowing good seeds to produce a harvest of righteousness in our marriage.
    4. Talking to our spouse first before talking with others.
    5. Seeking wise counselors to help us navigate conflict.
    6. Seeking to resolve conflict immediately to prevent opening a door for the devil.
    7. Sacrificing our rights and desires for our spouse.
    8. Loving our spouse deeply and covering his or her sin.

Conflict Resolution in Marriage Homework

Answer the questions, then discuss together.

1. What was new or stood out to you in this session? In what ways were you challenged or encouraged? Were there any points/thoughts that you did not agree with?

2. Most couples usually argue over similar topics. These are called “triggers”. This might be when the woman shops, the man watches TV, somebody doesn’t pick up after him or herself, etc.

Write down all the common triggers for arguments in your relationship. Why do you think these triggers commonly cause you or your mate to get angry?

3. In the session, we talked about not sowing negative seeds. Which negative seeds do you typically sow when in conflict (i.e. withdrawal, criticizing, complaining, seeking revenge, seeking to win arguments, etc.)? What about your spouse? How have you seen these negative seeds produce negative fruit? How can you sow positive seeds instead to reap positive fruit?

4. Solomon said in the multitude of advisers there is victory (Prov 11:14). Who would you talk to as a couple if you were having marital problems? If you were to choose a mentor couple for your marriage (someone to ask questions, to talk to about problems or successes, or even meet with regularly), who would you choose?

*Read the “Friends of the Opposite Sex?” article and answer the following questions:

5. What are your thoughts about the Chaplain’s warning to the sailors about relationships with the opposite sex?

6. How will you handle relationships with the opposite sex? What specific things will you do in order to protect your marriage from open doors?

7. Do you have any other thoughts or concerns about this issue?

8. After completing this session, how do you feel God is calling you to pray for your marriage? Spend some time praying.

Continue with Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, help us to look to Your word to lead and guide us in conflict resolution in marriage. There will be storms and conflict. Let us not turn to the wrong counselors or the ways of men for how we are to resolve conflict. Let it draw us nearer to each other and to You as we strengthen ourselves by overcoming difficulty together in a Biblical manner.  Amen.  

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Encouragement, Kindness / Gentleness, Love, Share the Good News

Relationships With One Another Matter

Paul did not just care about disciples and followers of Jesus generically. He took time to know them as individuals. He cared about them for who they were specifically. As he closes his letter to Romans, we see how many individuals are important to him. It is not just about “leading a church” but developing relationships and leading people to live like Yeshua.

Romans 16:1-15

Greetings and Love Expressed

      1I commend to you our sister Phoebe, who is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea; 2that you receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and that you help her in whatever matter she may have need of you; for she herself has also been a helper of many, and of myself as well.

      3Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4who for my life risked their own necks, to whom not only do I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles; 5also greet the church that is in their house. Greet Epaenetus, my beloved, who is the first convert to Christ from Asia. 6Greet Mary, who has worked hard for you. 7Greet Andronicus and Junias, my kinsmen and my fellow prisoners, who are outstanding among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me. 8Greet Ampliatus, my beloved in the Lord. 9Greet Urbanus, our fellow worker in Christ, and Stachys my beloved. 10Greet Apelles, the approved in Christ. Greet those who are of the household of Aristobulus. 11Greet Herodion, my kinsman. Greet those of the household of Narcissus, who are in the Lord. 12Greet Tryphaena and Tryphosa, workers in the Lord. Greet Persis the beloved, who has worked hard in the Lord. 13Greet Rufus, a choice man in the Lord, also his mother and mine. 14Greet Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Patrobas, Hermas and the brethren with them. 15Greet Philologus and Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas, and all the saints who are with them. 16Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.

I am always impressed by Paul in that he developed and maintained personal relationships with so many while traveling and sharing God’s truth over such great distances. He did not just come and “preach”… he connected with people. He did not just move on after engaging people in a new city… he kept in touch with them. Paul sets a wonderful example for us to follow.

Take time pray and to listen. Ask God how you can connect personally with fellow believers and develop strong relationship ties with them. How can you encourage one another and appreciate one another while still seeking wholeheartedly to honor our Father in all aspects of our lives?

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Church / Body of Christ, Encouragement, Interceding for Others, Joy / Happiness / Rejoicing, Kindness / Gentleness, Learning To Pray Effectively

Pray for One Another and Come Together as One Body

Paul set a good example for all teachers of the gospel to follow. He not only taught the truth of the word, he truly cared about those who were in the body of Christ. He longed to see them and minister to them. He prayed for them and asked them to pray for him. He found great refreshment in experiencing their company. He connected and brought together people from different cities and churches as part of the body of Christ.

Romans 15:22-33

    22For this reason I have often been prevented from coming to you; 23but now, with no further place for me in these regions, and since I have had for many years a longing to come to you 24whenever I go to Spain—for I hope to see you in passing, and to be helped on my way there by you, when I have first enjoyed your company for a while— 25but now, I am going to Jerusalem serving the saints. 26For Macedonia and Achaia have been pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem. 27Yes, they were pleased to do so, and they are indebted to them. For if the Gentiles have shared in their spiritual things, they are indebted to minister to them also in material things. 28Therefore, when I have finished this, and have put my seal on this fruit of theirs, I will go on by way of you to Spain. 29I know that when I come to you, I will come in the fullness of the blessing of Christ.

      30Now I urge you, brethren, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God for me, 31that I may be rescued from those who are disobedient in Judea, and that my service for Jerusalem may prove acceptable to the saints; 32so that I may come to you in joy by the will of God and find refreshing rest in your company. 33Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen.

Take time to reflect and pray… “Does my behavior separate the body of Christ? or bring it together? How can I change my behavior and attitude to bring together true believers and disciples of Yeshua to work together as one body.”

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Help / Serve Others, Humility, Kindness / Gentleness, Love, Submitted / Servant

Treat One Another as Fellow Servants of Our King

As believers and disciples of Christ, we are like fellow servants of the King, our heavenly Father. Servants should absolutely discuss amongst one another in love the best way to obey and show love and respect to their master. They should “compare notes” on their understanding of what the master desires. They should help one another. Ultimately, however, there may be genuine disagreements or differences of understanding of what the master desires. In this regard we are not to divide as servants of the master and fight but rather to each seek the direction of the master to come to better understand his way.

Said more simply, we need not fight one another on how best to serve the Master. Instead, support one another in our desire to please and obey Him. Discuss and compare understanding of His instructions for sure, but do not part ways in anger over disagreements. Seek out and be sensitive to ways in which you can support your fellow servants even if they are trying to serve the Master differently than your understanding. Even if you are positive you are right, dividing over it is not helpful. Rebuke what is obviously wrong, discuss and collaborate on what is possibly unclear, and support one another in desire to serve our Master.

Romans 14

Principles of Conscience

      1Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

      5One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind. 6He who observes the day, observes it for the Lord, and he who eats, does so for the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who eats not, for the Lord he does not eat, and gives thanks to God. 7For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself; 8for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

      10But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.

11For it is written,
“AS I LIVE, SAYS THE LORD, EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW TO ME,
AND EVERY TONGUE SHALL GIVE PRAISE TO GOD.”

12So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

      13Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. 14I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died. 16Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil; 17for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18For he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. 20Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense. 21It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles. 22The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.

We are each of us accountable to the King, not to one another, for our obedience. Help and encourage one another, even where there are differences of opinion or if you are sure someone has got something wrong. Be the light and share why you worship and serve the way you do and pray for them. If they are wholeheartedly pursuing the Lord, then He can help them find their way. He may even use you if you don’t discourage your fellow servant by making yourself unapproachable.

Take time to consider and pray for Yahweh to show you where you are treating fellow believers wrongly… perhaps even despising them. Pray for God to help you look on fellow believers with love and see them through His eyes. Lead them and encourage them. Support them. Pray for them. Treat them as fellow servants, brothers and sisters, serving the same King.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help Your people to work together to serve You. Help us not to fight between us even as we have differences of understanding on how to serve You. Help us to be filled with grace and patience for one another. Help us to celebrate one another and find strength and encouragement in one another as fellow servants of the King! Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Encouragement, Faith / Trusting God, Help / Serve Others, Humility, Interceding for Others, Jesus Christ / Yeshua, Kindness / Gentleness, Learning To Pray Effectively, Salvation, Thankfulness

For I Am Not Ashamed of the Gospel

Paul is a great example. Consider how he engages fellow believers and how he intercedes on their behalf in prayer. He is enthusiastic, encouraging, thankful, and he prays for them often. He seeks fellowship with them. He is not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation for those who believe.

Romans 1:8-17

      8First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, because your faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world. 9For God, whom I serve in my spirit in the preaching of the gospel of His Son, is my witness as to how unceasingly I make mention of you, 10always in my prayers making request, if perhaps now at last by the will of God I may succeed in coming to you. 11For I long to see you so that I may impart some spiritual gift to you, that you may be established; 12that is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other’s faith, both yours and mine. 13I do not want you to be unaware, brethren, that often I have planned to come to you (and have been prevented so far) so that I may obtain some fruit among you also, even as among the rest of the Gentiles. 14I am under obligation both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to the wise and to the foolish. 15So, for my part, I am eager to preach the gospel to you also who are in Rome.

      16For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 17For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.”

I ask God that I would be able to be more like Paul in his attitude toward other believers. I pray that believers everywhere would be as well. Imagine if we all were more enthusiastic, encouraging, and thankful and that we prayed often for each other and seek fellowship with one another. This attitude remained while Paul experienced much hardship.

Let us also not overlook verse 16, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” It is the death and resurrection of Yeshua, our Messiah, that makes a way for us to be saved, to be reconciled with God. It is not through good works or our own righteousness. Let us remember that with humility and thankfulness.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help me and other believers to maintain the attitude of Paul in Romans 1. Help us enthusiastically pray for one another, give thanks for one another, seek fellowship with one another, and maintain humility in remembering that it is You who made a way for our salvation through Yeshua. Thank You! Amen.

I would encourage you also to take a few additional minutes to start praying for others today and to give thanks to God for other believers in Your life or even those you don’t know personally. This is a good practice to do regularly.

Shalom. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Encouragement, Joy / Happiness / Rejoicing, Kindness / Gentleness, Purposeful / Intentional

How Do You Describe Yourself?

When we meet people, it is common to have some sort of introduction to tell each other a bit about ourselves. I have found that sometimes the information I offer is bland and textbook such as what job I have, as if that is my identity. It is certainly not! I am inspired by Paul’s introduction and attitude as he approaches the believers in Rome.

Romans 1:1-6

The Gospel Exalted

      1Paul, a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, called as an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, 2which He promised beforehand through His prophets in the holy Scriptures, 3concerning His Son, who was born of a descendant of David according to the flesh, 4who was declared the Son of God with power by the resurrection from the dead, according to the Spirit of holiness, Jesus Christ our Lord, 5through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles for His name’s sake, 6among whom you also are the called of Jesus Christ;

Paul introduces himself as a bond-servant of Christ Jesus and immediately transitions into telling others whom it is that he serves. Wow! You can feel Paul’s enthusiasm reading this letter. What a great introduction, and how much more personal and meaningful than simply saying what we do at our jobs as an introduction or even where we went to school. Why not follow in Paul’s example and boldly share Christ with people?

Paul’s approach is aimed at believers who share his faith. I recognize that he also approached non-believers differently as demonstrated when he was addressing a group of non believing Greeks. There he used an idol/statue to an unknown God as a way of connecting.

Paul was excited to be serving Yeshua. I want to live my life that way also. I will need God’s help to shape my attitude, but I need to actively shape it as well! How will I view life events and challenges? Will I get distracted from experiencing the joy of the LORD? Will I enthusiastically tell others about Yeshua?

I am going to challenge myself to more often point to Christ as one of the important elements that defines who I am when I am meeting people and making personal introductions rather than where I work or what job I have. I invite you to try it out with me.

Reflect on your own life for a few moments. How do you introduce yourself? Do you quickly point to our Messiah? Are you enthusiastic about it? Ask God to help you.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for Yeshua’s death on the cross so I can be reconciled with You. Please help me to experience Your joy and not lose sight of how blessed I am to be walking in relationship with You even as challenges may come. Help me to be enthusiastic about You as I engage others. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Grace / Patience, Kindness / Gentleness, Miracles, Obeying God, Persecution / Glorifying God, Share the Good News

How Shall We Act When We Are Persecuted?

Yeshua warns us that in order to follow Him, really live for Him and proclaim the gospel publicly and boldly, we should expect to experience persecution along with great joy. We are certainly not better than our Lord and He faced much persecution… we should expect it as well, if people can actually tell that we are followers of Christ. If we simply blend in with the crowd, we will likely face little or no persecution.

John 15:18-21

     18“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19“If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. 20“Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21“But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me.

It can be very frustrating and even emotionally and physically painful to be persecuted for Messiah. There are many variations of persecution we may receive ranging from mild anger and bitterness towards us all the way up to physical harm. How we are to react in order that we honor Christ may depend on the situation, but we can learn a lot from reviewing the Biblical example of the prophets, disciples of Yeshua and Paul.

Acts 16:16-40

      16It happened that as we were going to the place of prayer, a slave-girl having a spirit of divination met us, who was bringing her masters much profit by fortune-telling. 17Following after Paul and us, she kept crying out, saying, “These men are bond-servants of the Most High God, who are proclaiming to you the way of salvation.” 18She continued doing this for many days. But Paul was greatly annoyed, and turned and said to the spirit, “I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her!” And it came out at that very moment.

      19But when her masters saw that their hope of profit was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the market place before the authorities, 20and when they had brought them to the chief magistrates, they said, “These men are throwing our city into confusion, being Jews, 21and are proclaiming customs which it is not lawful for us to accept or to observe, being Romans.”

Paul and Silas Imprisoned

      22The crowd rose up together against them, and the chief magistrates tore their robes off them and proceeded to order them to be beaten with rods. 23When they had struck them with many blows, they threw them into prison, commanding the jailer to guard them securely; 24and he, having received such a command, threw them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.

      25But about midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God, and the prisoners were listening to them; 26and suddenly there came a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison house were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were unfastened. 27When the jailer awoke and saw the prison doors opened, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. 28But Paul cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here!” 29And he called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas, 30and after he brought them out, he said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

The Jailer Converted

      31They said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 32And they spoke the word of the Lord to him together with all who were in his house. 33And he took them that very hour of the night and washed their wounds, and immediately he was baptized, he and all his household. 34And he brought them into his house and set food before them, and rejoiced greatly, having believed in God with his whole household.

      35Now when day came, the chief magistrates sent their policemen, saying, “Release those men.” 36And the jailer reported these words to Paul, saying, “The chief magistrates have sent to release you. Therefore come out now and go in peace.” 37But Paul said to them, “They have beaten us in public without trial, men who are Romans, and have thrown us into prison; and now are they sending us away secretly? No indeed! But let them come themselves and bring us out.” 38The policemen reported these words to the chief magistrates. They were afraid when they heard that they were Romans, 39and they came and appealed to them, and when they had brought them out, they kept begging them to leave the city. 40They went out of the prison and entered the house of Lydia, and when they saw the brethren, they encouraged them and departed.

We will not always face such harsh persecution as Paul and Silas. However, take notice that they reached the jailer and his family for Christ precisely by acting boldly in a way that is different than those of the world. Instead of reacting with anger and letting the jailer kill himself, then run away… Paul and Silas showed kindness and grace by calling out in time to save his life, even though it appeared at the time that they would have to remain in prison. This behavior was so different from what the jailer expected, so selfless, that it opened the door for Paul and Silas to share the gospel of Yeshua effectively and reach the jailer’s whole family.

At the same time, Paul and Silas knew their rights within the government for not be treating in this way and they stood up for their rights as Roman citizens when they had the chance to do so.  They in no way condoned the awful and unlawful behavior of those who persecuted them.

Prayerfully consider any areas in which you feel others are treating you badly because you live your life visibly different from the world, following Christ. How can you respond in a way that may open doors to sharing the gospel? (Hint: You seldom open doors to share the gospel with non-believers when you act the way the world expects based on evil or selfish motivation.)

In my personal walk with Yeshua, I have had to make personal choices to avoid responding with anger and bitterness when others verbally or in writing “attack” me for no good reason, other than my desire to live according to the commands of God in the Bible.  They do not come to discuss and learn or share perspectives. They “attack” because they don’t want to even consider that their view is wrong. My prayerful consideration in these non-violent situations is that by responding with patience and kindness rather than raw anger I may get their attention… by demonstrating behavior that is different from the world.  I know I will not always see the potential impact of this action in others, but I experience the righteous fruit of obedience to Christ in my own life when I choose to respond that way and I know there is at least the possibility that I may break down barriers that lead someone to experience the joy of Christ.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please guide us in the proper response for any situation to persecution. Help Your people to represent You and lead others to You. Help us not to act selfishly. Help us to have courage and joy in every circumstance! Amen.

Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? If you die today, do you know for sure that you would be with God in heaven? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Church / Body of Christ, Kindness / Gentleness, Love, Repenting from Sin, Teachable

Help One Another Rather than Take Advantage of Each Other

Sometimes we need a wake-up call as a community or society. We need someone or something to bring us to a realization that we are not living the way the LORD or even we really want. It seems normal for us today to charge interest, or usury, on loans. However, think about how the people were struggling to rebuild Jerusalem in Nehemiah’s time. They were just recently returning out of bondage and captivity from Babylon. Now, due to famine, a significant number of them were being forced to bondage again to pay debts to try to survive. This time it was from within their own people!

Nehemiah 5

Usury Abolished

      1Now there was a great outcry of the people and of their wives against their Jewish brothers. 2For there were those who said, “We, our sons and our daughters are many; therefore let us get grain that we may eat and live.” 3There were others who said, “We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards and our houses that we might get grain because of the famine.” 4Also there were those who said, “We have borrowed money for the king’s tax on our fields and our vineyards. 5“Now our flesh is like the flesh of our brothers, our children like their children. Yet behold, we are forcing our sons and our daughters to be slaves, and some of our daughters are forced into bondage already, and we are helpless because our fields and vineyards belong to others.”

      6Then I was very angry when I had heard their outcry and these words. 7I consulted with myself and contended with the nobles and the rulers and said to them, “You are exacting usury, each from his brother!” Therefore, I held a great assembly against them. 8I said to them, “We according to our ability have redeemed our Jewish brothers who were sold to the nations; now would you even sell your brothers that they may be sold to us?” Then they were silent and could not find a word to say. 9Again I said, “The thing which you are doing is not good; should you not walk in the fear of our God because of the reproach of the nations, our enemies? 10“And likewise I, my brothers and my servants are lending them money and grain. Please, let us leave off this usury. 11“Please, give back to them this very day their fields, their vineyards, their olive groves and their houses, also the hundredth part of the money and of the grain, the new wine and the oil that you are exacting from them.” 12Then they said, “We will give it back and will require nothing from them; we will do exactly as you say.” So I called the priests and took an oath from them that they would do according to this promise. 13I also shook out the front of my garment and said, “Thus may God shake out every man from his house and from his possessions who does not fulfill this promise; even thus may he be shaken out and emptied.” And all the assembly said, “Amen!” And they praised the LORD. Then the people did according to this promise.

Nehemiah’s Example

      14Moreover, from the day that I was appointed to be their governor in the land of Judah, from the twentieth year to the thirty-second year of King Artaxerxes, for twelve years, neither I nor my kinsmen have eaten the governor’s food allowance. 15But the former governors who were before me laid burdens on the people and took from them bread and wine besides forty shekels of silver; even their servants domineered the people. But I did not do so because of the fear of God. 16I also applied myself to the work on this wall; we did not buy any land, and all my servants were gathered there for the work. 17Moreover, there were at my table one hundred and fifty Jews and officials, besides those who came to us from the nations that were around us. 18Now that which was prepared for each day was one ox and six choice sheep, also birds were prepared for me; and once in ten days all sorts of wine were furnished in abundance. Yet for all this I did not demand the governor’s food allowance, because the servitude was heavy on this people. 19Remember me, O my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people.

I am not trying to make the case that charging interest is always wrong. I am reflecting on the situation Nehemiah was confronting specifically. People were in great need in their community due to famine. Is this the time to take advantage of them to the point that their children are in bondage? Is that how Yahweh would want us to take care of our own people? I believe the answer to be a solid “no.”

Nehemiah was bold and strong. He stood up for what was right and truly acted as a righteous leader among his people. We need more like him today.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, raise up strong, righteous leaders to unite Your people in doing what is right as a community and not just what seems right for us individually. Prepare Your people to follow and support the righteous leadership You bring forth. Help us pull together and help one another. Show us how. Open our eyes to the right opportunities around us to help others.  Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Kindness / Gentleness, Love, Patient

Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way

Paul defined love very well in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It is not nearly the same as how the world or many Christians define love. Far too often we talk of love as a noun… a passive thing. How much better to think of it as a verb… an action we choose to do! We talk of falling in or out of love as if something random is happening. Love is a choice, not a “warm and fuzzy” feeling!

It is applicable for spouses but also for parents with their children, amongst family, friends and even applies to those we do not know yet. Think about how we can show the love of Jesus Christ for all those we encounter in our busy lives.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud. or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance

Think about how we can show the love of Jesus Christ for all those we encounter in our busy lives. It may even be as simple as a kind word or just being friendly even when things go wrong. When they notice you are different, give the credit to Jesus!

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help me to show love to others. Help me to exhibit and reflect Your love to those near to me and those whom I may not know well. Help me not to be entirely focused on myself or just those closest to me. Help change my heart so that this is a natural reaction for me. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Help / Serve Others, Kindness / Gentleness, Submitted / Servant

The Greatest Among You Should Be Like a Servant

As the disciples sat at dinner with Jesus celebrating Passover in what has now become known as the Last Supper they began to argue about who would become greatest among them.

[Luke 22:25-27 NLT]

Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people’. But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.

Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.”

Jesus “walked the talk” throughout His time of ministry on earth. He spent His time among us teaching, healing, serving and then dying for us … not creating comfort and luxury for Himself. We should remember this aspect of leadership when we choose our local or national leaders and even when we act as leaders in our communities or families.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You that You came in the person of Yeshua to serve and lead us by example. Thank You for the sacrifice of Yeshua suffering for my sins and the sins of others. Help me to lead in similar fashion, putting others before myself and serving them.

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.