Category Archives: Marriage

Marriage, Seeking God, Strong in Our Weakness

Yeshua Is The Bridegroom for the Church

There are some parallels we can draw from Song of Solomon about our relationship with Christ as our redeemer. Yeshua is the bridegroom and the church is His bride. One thing in particular that stands out for me when I think about my relationship to Yeshua in this way is that I should be passionate rather than stoic in pursuing relationship with Him. He comes as my savior! The church should be passionate about Him rather than indifferent. He should be a top priority, not one of many… just as we would expect a husband and wife to pursue one another. Yeshua has already done much in showing His love for us in that He came to dwell amongst us and died on the cross for our sins. He has made a way for us to reconcile to YHWH at great personal cost. We should each ask ourselves if we are doing the same for Him in how we live our lives.

Song of Solomon 3

The Bride’s Troubled Dream

     1“On my bed night after night I sought him
Whom my soul loves;
I sought him but did not find him.

      2‘I must arise now and go about the city;
In the streets and in the squares
I must seek him whom my soul loves.’
I sought him but did not find him.

      3“The watchmen who make the rounds in the city found me,
And I said, ‘Have you seen him whom my soul loves?’

      4“Scarcely had I left them
When I found him whom my soul loves;
I held on to him and would not let him go
Until I had brought him to my mother’s house,
And into the room of her who conceived me.”

      5“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
By the gazelles or by the hinds of the field,
That you will not arouse or awaken my love
Until she pleases.”

Solomon’s Wedding Day

     6“What is this coming up from the wilderness
Like columns of smoke,
Perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,
With all scented powders of the merchant?

      7“Behold, it is the traveling couch of Solomon;
Sixty mighty men around it,
Of the mighty men of Israel.

      8“All of them are wielders of the sword,
Expert in war;
Each man has his sword at his side,
Guarding against the terrors of the night.

      9“King Solomon has made for himself a sedan chair
From the timber of Lebanon.

      10“He made its posts of silver,
Its back of gold
And its seat of purple fabric,
With its interior lovingly fitted out
By the daughters of Jerusalem.

      11“Go forth, O daughters of Zion,
And gaze on King Solomon with the crown
With which his mother has crowned him
On the day of his wedding,
And on the day of his gladness of heart.”

Though I do not hold that any particular commentary can replace our seeking to understand the Bible directly, with God’s help, I do believe that we can leverage the thoughts of others who went before us and then test that against scripture to see if it helps us gain potential insight into the word. I have selected one for more comment on today’s scripture.

Matthew Henry Concise Commentary

3:1-5 It was hard to the Old Testament church to find Christ in the ceremonial law; the watchmen of that church gave little assistance to those who sought after him. The night is a time of coldness, darkness, and drowsiness, and of dim apprehensions concerning spiritual things. At first, when uneasy, some feeble efforts are made to obtain the comfort of communion with Christ. This proves in vain; the believer is then roused to increased diligence. The streets and broad-ways seem to imply the means of grace in which the Lord is to be sought. Application is made to those who watch for men’s souls. Immediate satisfaction is not found. We must not rest in any means, but by faith apply directly to Christ. The holding of Christ, and not letting him go, denotes earnest cleaving to him. What prevails is a humble, ardent suing by prayer, with a lively exercise of faith on his promises. So long as the faith of believers keeps hold of Christ, he will not be offended at their earnest asking, yea, he is well pleased with it. The believer desires to make others acquainted with his Saviour. Wherever we find Christ, we must take him home with us to our houses, especially to our hearts; and we should call upon ourselves and each other, to beware of grieving our holy Comforter, and provoking the departure of the Beloved.

3:6-11 A wilderness is an emblem of the world; the believer comes out of it when he is delivered from the love of its sinful pleasures and pursuits, and refuses to comply with its customs and fashions, to seek happiness in communion with the Saviour. A poor soul shall come up, at last, under the conduct of the Comforter; like a cloud of incense ascending from the altar, or the smoke of the burnt-offerings. This signifies pious and devout affections, and the mounting of the soul heaven-ward. The believer is filled with the graces of God’s Spirit; his devotions now are very lively. These graces and comforts are from the heavenly Canaan. He, who is the Peace of his people, the King of the heavenly Zion, has provided for the safe conveyance of his redeemed through the wilderness of this world. The bed, or palanquin, was contrived for rest and easy conveyance, but its beauty and magnificence showed the quality of its owner. The church is well guarded; more are with her than are against her: believers, when they repose in Christ, and with him, though they have their fears in the night, are yet safe. The chariot here denotes the covenant of redemption, the way of our salvation. This is that work of Christ, which makes him loved and admired in the eyes of believers. It is framed and contrived, both for the glory of Christ, and for the comfort of believers; it is well ordered in all things and sure. The blood of the covenant, that rich purple, is the cover of this chariot, by which believers are sheltered from the wind and storms of Divine wrath, and the troubles of this world; but the midst of it is that love of Christ which passes knowledge, this is for believers to repose upon. Christ, in his gospel, manifests himself. Take special notice of his crown. Applying this to Christ, it speaks the honour put upon him, and his power and dominion.

I encourage each of you to study and pray as you seek to understand all that God’s word has for you.

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

 

Jesus Christ / Yeshua, Love, Marriage

The Enduring Beauty of Admiration in Marriage and in Our Relationship with Christ

Our culture will often downplay the love and attraction of spouses enjoying one another, while playing up the wrongful lusts of those who are not married as if they are somehow more romantic. We are always better off when we embrace YHWH’s ways. For those of us who are married, or engaged and soon to be married, it is good for us to look with admiration and love upon our spouse or future spouse.

Song of Solomon 2

The Bride’s Admiration

            1“I am the rose of Sharon,
The lily of the valleys.”

      2“Like a lily among the thorns,
So is my darling among the maidens.”

      3“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
So is my beloved among the young men.
In his shade I took great delight and sat down,
And his fruit was sweet to my taste.

      4“He has brought me to his banquet hall,
And his banner over me is love.

      5“Sustain me with raisin cakes,
Refresh me with apples,
Because I am lovesick.

      6“Let his left hand be under my head
And his right hand embrace me.”

      7“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
By the gazelles or by the hinds of the field,
That you do not arouse or awaken my love
Until she pleases.”

      8“Listen! My beloved!
Behold, he is coming,
Climbing on the mountains,
Leaping on the hills!

      9“My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Behold, he is standing behind our wall,
He is looking through the windows,
He is peering through the lattice.

      10“My beloved responded and said to me,
‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along.

      11‘For behold, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.

      12‘The flowers have already appeared in the land;
The time has arrived for pruning the vines,
And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land.

      13‘The fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!’”

      14“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret place of the steep pathway,
Let me see your form,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your form is lovely.”

      15“Catch the foxes for us,
The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards,
While our vineyards are in blossom.”

      16“My beloved is mine, and I am his;
He pastures his flock among the lilies.

      17“Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee away,
Turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle
Or a young stag on the mountains of Bether.”

We should take care to avoid believing the narrative that a bride should make sure she remains independent from her groom. That somehow she must not depend on him for provision, but must work in a job as well. It is perfectly good for a bride to embrace her groom and look for him to provide and look upon him with admiration. Similarly, let not the groom be so hungry for money that he insists the bride also work just so they can have more money and instead sacrifice the intended role of wife and mother in the family unit.

Do not stop looking upon one another in the way demonstrated in Song of Solomon 2 just because you have been married awhile, either. Continue to look upon one another in admiration and love.

As a bonus to consider, recall that God compares our relationship as the church to Jesus to that of a bride to her groom.  While this aspect is non-sexual, some of the same principles apply. Be passionate in your pursuit of Christ. Dwell on what is good in Him. Trust Him completely to provide.

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Guide, Jesus Christ / Yeshua, Marriage

YHWH’s Design for Marriage Includes Love and Passion

Song of Solomon is an interesting book in the Bible to be sure. It is focused on a passionate relationship between a bride and her groom. So many people mischaracterize YHWH’s position on sexual relations, claiming He just has a long list of “do nots”. Dismissing or getting angry at YHWH for that is like getting mad at someone who makes hair dryers for putting the label on it that says “keep away from water”. The warnings and boundaries are there for your protection. YHWH invented the gift of sexual relationship between a man and a woman. He gave it to us as part of the marriage relationship. He created us to feel passion and excitement, but it is intended only for marriage of one man and one woman. Yes, it is supposed to be enjoyed in marriage!

As you read Song of Solomon, realize that it was first written in a different time, place and culture. Do not get tripped up over some of the references (e.g. “like the tents of Kedar”), but seek to understand the excitement and passion they felt for one another… the love they felt for one another.

Another level to consider is that God compares our relationship with him to a bride and groom as well. Jesus is the groom and the church is the bride. We should think about how passionate we should be in our pursuit of Christ in how it compares to the example in Song of Solomon. I am referring to the passion and love, not the physical relationship… which in this perspective is not literal.

Song of Solomon 1

The Young Shulammite Bride and Jerusalem’s Daughters

      1The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.

      2“May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine.

      3“Your oils have a pleasing fragrance,
Your name is like purified oil;
Therefore the maidens love you.

      4“Draw me after you and let us run together!
The king has brought me into his chambers.”

“We will rejoice in you and be glad;
We will extol your love more than wine.
Rightly do they love you.”

      5“I am black but lovely,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
Like the tents of Kedar,
Like the curtains of Solomon.

      6“Do not stare at me because I am swarthy,
For the sun has burned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me caretaker of the vineyards,
But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.

      7“Tell me, O you whom my soul loves,
Where do you pasture your flock,
Where do you make it lie down at noon?
For why should I be like one who veils herself
Beside the flocks of your companions?”

Solomon, the Lover, Speaks

     8“If you yourself do not know,
Most beautiful among women,
Go forth on the trail of the flock
And pasture your young goats
By the tents of the shepherds.

      9“To me, my darling, you are like
My mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.

      10“Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments,
Your neck with strings of beads.”

      11“We will make for you ornaments of gold
With beads of silver.”

      12“While the king was at his table,
My perfume gave forth its fragrance.

      13“My beloved is to me a pouch of myrrh
Which lies all night between my breasts.

      14“My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
In the vineyards of Engedi.”

      15“How beautiful you are, my darling,
How beautiful you are!
Your eyes are like doves.”

      16“How handsome you are, my beloved,
And so pleasant!
Indeed, our couch is luxuriant!

      17“The beams of our houses are cedars,
Our rafters, cypresses.

I feel it worthwhile to mention, that though Solomon was granted great wisdom by YHWH when He was young, He still made a significant mistake in embracing the concept of more than one wife and of concubines that was more common back then. It was a fail on his part and drew Him apart from YHWH as Solomon got older. We have the opportunity to learn from him what is good and reject the mistakes he made.

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Marriage

Practical Advice for a Strong Marriage

The marriage covenant is the most sacred covenant we enter with exception to our covenant with God. Our world today provides much distraction and false teaching about marriage.

Even amongst Christian communities and families there is often little or no Biblical teaching to help guide how we should select a spouse and prepare us to live a godly marriage.

The most important principle to focus on is that we should each try to grow closer to God, and by doing so we will also grow closer to each other.

Seeking a godly spouse:

  • Study the Bible to understand what character traits to develop in yourself and look for in a spouse.
  • Become the type of godly person that you want to find in a spouse. Continue maturing in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ and live as a godly example in your life.
  • Take your time in selecting your spouse. Ensure you know them well and share a similar depth of faith in Jesus Christ.
  • Pray for God to give you confirmation of whom you should marry and then make sure what you hear is from God by seeking godly counsel and comparing it to God’s word.

Growing a godly marriage relationship:

  • Study the Bible independently to continue your personal growth in relationship with God.
  • Maintain an active prayer life between yourself and God. It should be two way communication.
  • Spend time together with your spouse daily (or as often as you can to start) studying and applying the word of God to your lives
  • Spend time in prayer together with your spouse daily.
  • Invest in your marriage relationship before you have difficulty. Seek resources (e.g. books, conferences, online ministries, etc.) that can help you grow closer to your spouse over time. Do not wait until the relationship is struggling to work on improving it.
  • Seek out and partner with another godly married couple you respect and trust that know Jesus. You can serve as accountability and prayer partners for each other before God.

I have started a list of some good resources that provide practical help for growing in our marriage. You can find these on our website under the “Resources” tab under “Marriage” in the top header.

Focused Ministry

Books and Other Resources

  • For Men Only and For Women Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn reveal eye-opening truths and simple acts that will improve your relationship with your spouse.
  • The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman shows us how to keep our marriage relationship fresh and growing amid the demands and conflicts and just plain boredom of everyday life.
  • The Love Dare  personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Love, Loving / Kind, Marriage, Traditions / Holidays

What Is Love?

What is love? This is a very old question with many answers. Context is important. We may “love pizza”, but that is different than when we say we “love our spouse”. Today, the world even steals the word “love” as a replacement for “sex”, which is completely incorrect. These are certainly not the same meaning. Greek, the language in which the New Testament was largely written, had multiple different words for different types of love. In English, we have one word and we must therefore pay close attention to context.

Many put a lot of time and focus into the highly marketed cultural holiday of Valentine’s Day. Candy makers will tell you that you must buy chocolates to show you love your spouse. Greeting card makers insist you must “care to send the very best” and thus spend $5 or more on a card, and send one to everyone you know. Flowers are a must, right? But now they even sell gold dipped flowers. Wow. Of course, not to be outdone, Jewelers insist that you are a buffoon if you don’t buy diamonds for that special someone in your life. Once company even suggests you should buy from them a new luxury car. We do well to remember that this is marketing intended to sell things and get our money. This is not how God tells us to show love to one another.

God calls us to show love to one another daily, not once a year, or on a few annual special occasions!

1 Corinthians 13

The Excellence of Love

      1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

      4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

      8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

If you want to give a gift, and it is wisely within your budget to do so, go ahead. But don’t do so because you “have to” or are “expected to”.  These gifts mean little and will ultimately have a very limited impact if you do not show love the way God tells us to. Often times just giving gifts on designated marketing holidays comes to be expected and not appreciated as much. If you choose to give an expensive gift, don’t do it because it is Valentines Day. Consider intentionally giving it at some other time besides the widely marketed holidays for an even greater impact.

Warning… when you make changes in how you celebrate these marketing holidays, discuss it openly with your spouse ahead of time! Don’t surprise someone by not giving them something they already expect from years of habit.

When you are ready to truly grow in maturity, turn towards God’s definition of love and begin showing it today to those you love. No warning necessary. They will greatly appreciate how you treat them. However, you may consider sharing the scripture with your spouse and helping one another as you both make the effort to shift focus from the world’s definition of love to God’s.

You can also ask yourself, if I am celebrating love, would it not be right to celebrate loving God as well as loving one another? And to come in thanksgiving to Him for all the love He has shown, shows, and will show us? If we are to focus on love in the Biblical sense, Valentine’s Day just does not match up very well at all. If you explore the origins of this celebration you will find that once again the Catholic church embraced this festival, but it was based first on a pagan celebration. As followers of Christ, we are better off not letting these pagan holidays dictate how we show love for our spouse or loved ones. Instead, love people the way God teaches.

(World Religion News: Pagan origin of Valentines day)

One last parting thought… we can love YHWH and love others because He has first shown me love. Yeshua died for us to make a way for us to be forgiven our sins.

John 15:12-13

      12“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The best way to show love for one another is through how we treat one another every day of the year.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Am I on the path?, Marriage

Husband and Wife… Different Positions on the Same Team

Sports teams require a coach and multiple players each skilled and focused on playing their own position. Coaches are responsible for understanding the overall strategy and giving direction to their players on how to work together effectively as a team. Each player is chosen for their position based on their individual skills, which need to match the position they play. Even if some have the ability to play both positions well, they can only play one well at a time. When players work against the coach’s strategy or try to play someone else’s position, the team dynamics break down and teams fail to perform at their peak.

God is like our coach. A husband and wife each have a role to play to fulfill God’s strategy. It is best to understand what direction God is giving us rather than trying to do it our own way.

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[c] 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Many stumble on God’s instructions for wives to submit to their husbands. Some think that this means the husband is accountable to no one and can demand anything. Others think it means that the wife is inferior to the husband. Far from it. Both husband and wife are equally important. The husband is accountable to God.

A husband is called to love his wife as Christ loves the church. There is no greater love than this. To lay down his life for her. God’s strategy works phenomenally well when both husband and wife obey God’s instruction. It works poorly  when husband and wife fail to work together as  a team or fail to follow God’s instructions.

Spend a few minutes in prayer to give God thanks for your spouse and for His design for marriage. Ask Him to grant you wisdom and understanding of His design marriage and how to apply it in your life.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Church / Body of Christ, Father / Yahweh, Jesus Christ / Yeshua, Marriage

God, Christ, Man, Woman… and the Christian order

1 Corinthians 11 is one of those scriptures which can create confusion and distraction. To begin, Paul lays out the order… God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of man, and man is the head of woman. This is the Christian order of authority in the home and society. For followers of Christ, there should be little controversy here, though today many wish to disrupt the order by reducing the role and authority of God, Christ, and man. Thus everyone is left to go their own way. The order is important… each household must have one lead. Those leaders must submit to Christ and Christ submits to the Father. Only then do we have unified families submitted to the Father going according the way God intended.

The part that gets confusing to many today involves the discussion of head covering. Head coverings for women in the context of the Corinthian church were a man made tradition that symbolized there submission and accountability to man. Men then did not wear a head covering because they were not accountable to man (e.g. not to a pope or other pastor) but rather directly accountable to Christ. My understanding for Paul’s discussion on this topic is that he was reinforcing the Christian order of authority, rather than commanding women to wear head coverings. Since there was a Corinthian custom regarding head coverings that symbolized this order and reminded people of it, he suggested the Corinthians should not fight or rebel against this tradition. It reinforced the proper order. In that cultural context, for a woman to reject the head covering would be akin to rejecting the Christian order.

Our culture has different customs, such as a wife taking on the last name of her husband when they marry. Similarly, for our culture, a woman should not resist submission to the authority of her husband, lest it create competition and infighting in their marriage, weakening it. Their can not be two head coaches for a team. There can not be two presidents to lead one nation or two governors to lead the same state. Similarly, a household can not flourish if there are two heads constantly competing with one another for authority.

If you want a more detailed study, one is available at Psalm119 ministries at 119Ministries.com.

1 Corinthians 11:1-16

Christian Order

      1Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.

      2Now I praise you because you remember me in everything and hold firmly to the traditions, just as I delivered them to you. 3But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. 4Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head. 5But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for she is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved. 6For if a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, let her cover her head. 7For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; 9for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake. 10Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God. 13Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him, 15but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering. 16But if one is inclined to be contentious, we have no other practice, nor have the churches of God.

Men, submit to Christ as He submitted to the Father. This is a tall task and not to be underestimated. If we do this, it certainly helps our wives to submit to us. Wives, submit to your husbands. Let us function as one team with one authority structure working in harmony. Of course, there are always exceptions… if your husband is asking you to do something immoral or against God the situation gets more complicated for that specific issue. However, don’t let the exceptions be an excuse for denying the fundamental order of authority God has established.

Spend some quiet time in prayer, asking God to provide clarity and listening to any prompting from the  Holy Spirit. Are you embracing the Christian order or resisting it? Men, are you submitted to Christ? Women, are you submitted to your husbands? All of us should ask if there are there any changes we need to make?

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Discerning / Judging, Marriage, Purposeful / Intentional, Seeking God, Submitted / Servant

Matters of Opinion and Priorities

I find 1 Corinthians 7 to be a very interesting passage in scripture. Paul is well known by followers of Christ for thousands of years now for his complete devotion to Christ and willingness to suffer joyfully for Christ. He had what might be called a gift of singleness. He was able to more fully devote himself toward God without the distraction or division of his interests between a spouse and God. For him, this did not draw him into sexual sin. However, even as he shares this consideration and how it may be a right and good choice for others, he is careful and clear that it is not for all. Many are better suited to marry and serve God from within that marriage.

What is clear in this passage, but often overlooked, is that when we marry we should absolutely expect to be putting a significant amount of our focus on our spouse and our marriage. Marriage has to be a primary focus to do it right. Your spouse has to be second only to God in your priorities.

1 Corinthians 7:25-40

      25Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.

      32But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

      36But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. 37But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. 38So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.

      39A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.

Take note of how carefully Paul identifies up front that this is his opinion rather than a command from the Lord.  In this case, Paul expresses the positive aspects he sees for those who have the gift of singleness remaining unmarried.  Those of us who follow Christ do well to clearly differentiate God’s commands from our views as Paul did. There are many things that are not absolute such as in Paul’s reference to whether or not someone should marry. These should not be confused with those things for which God has clearly spoken and are absolute.

Reflect prayerfully on your interactions with others. Do you clearly differentiate your opinion and preferences from what is absolute right and wrong as instructed by God? Ask for God’s help to clarify this area for you to help you in your own life choices and also in effectively engaging and supporting other believers or non-believers on key issues. If we are not careful, opinions can drive division in the body of Christ where there should otherwise be unity.

Also, take time in prayer to reflect on the balance and priority you have in your life. If you are single, are you primarily focused on God and how to serve Him? If you are married, are you focusing on God and also on your spouse as priorities in your life? Ask God to show you if you are out of balance and need to make changes.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Children, Divorce, Marriage, Parenting

Advice for a Follower of Christ Who Is Married to an Unbeliever

I appreciate how Paul clearly identifies when it is his opinion or recommendation rather than instruction directly from the Lord. He provides some specific suggestions for how a believer should handle themselves if they are married to an unbeliever. First, let us be clear that a believer should not marry an unbeliever. That is not what Paul is commenting on.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

    14Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

However, if in marriage, one spouse converts and submits to Christ as Lord, and the other does not, they can find themselves in this situation.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

      12But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Do not take this out of context to conclude that you should encourage your unbelieving spouse to leave. You should not. You should work at your marriage as unto God. You should try to keep your marriage together. That is the primary goal Paul speaks to first. Consider also 1 Peter 3:1-2.

1 Pet 3:1-2

   1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

I think this largely applies to husbands who have wives who are disobedient to the word as well, in that the husbands should demonstrate the godly role of the husband as defined by God.  A key is that you still live for God and put Him first. I think that is the point Paul is making. If your unbelieving spouse insists on leaving because you follow and obey Yeshua, then you can not stop following just so they will stay.

The spouse who has submitted to Jesus as Lord is to live to a different standard than the non-believer. Marriage is to be holy before God. It is to be set apart and done His way. While it is Paul, and not God speaking in this passage, he certainly has a lot of credibility in how to live in a way that is pleasing to God. If you find yourself as a believer married to a non-believer, consider Paul’s words carefully and pray that the Father would help you have the wisdom, courage, and patience to endure the situation. Pray the Holy Spirit will fill you and guide you for it is difficult for any believer to face… so don’t face it alone.

Take some time and ask God to help you in this situation if it applies to you. If it applies to someone you know, please take time to pray for them. If it does not apply to you, you can also give thanks to God that you and your spouse are both pursuing Christ and ask Him to draw you even closer.

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Adultery / Sex Outside Marriage, Marriage, Self Control

Sex Is a Gift in the Context of Marriage

The sexual drive in men and women is given by God as part of who we are. Paul commented specifically in this regard in 1 Corinthians 7. It is good for a man or woman to be single and focused on God rather than married if that is their personal gifting from God. It will allow them to serve Him in a more focused way. However, God makes each of us different. For many, the drive for sex is wonderful inside the gift of marriage, but if they try to remain single, that same gift will instead lead to great temptation and potentially to immoral behavior.

Inside marriage, we must use this gift well as a way of bonding with our spouse. Sex or withholding of sex is not to be used as a “weapon” to get one’s own way or win an argument. This is plainly wrong. Marriages are strongest when sex is used to serve and bond with one another.  Truly this helps two become one as God intends.

Once married, we should not divorce. It has always been God’s plan to have one man and one woman together in marriage. We are to choose carefully and prayerfully and then focus all our effort on serving each other and building / maintaining a strong marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:1-11

Teaching on Marriage

      1Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

      8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

      10But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

Take care not to overlook the Biblical view on sex drive. It can be a powerful bonding in strengthening a marriage. It is a gift from God and not something to be scorned or mocked. But it is also not something to be abused by using it outside of marriage.

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