I certainly have to admit that the laws on domestic relations seem as if from a faraway time and place… because they are. They are not only far away in location but also in time. The culture was very different. It is easy for us to jump to the conclusion that they are somehow wrong and barbaric. I think that is so easy or simple a view and is not correct. To truly understand we need to study to understand the cultural norms and lifestyle of the time. We must think about it in context. We do well to start with the faith that YHWH is correct and His instruction is righteous and then seek to understand how it applied then and how it may apply still today. In this way we gain wisdom and understanding.
Domestic Relations
10“When you go out to battle against your enemies, and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take them away captive, 11and see among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself, 12then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. 13“She shall also remove the clothes of her captivity and shall remain in your house, and mourn her father and mother a full month; and after that you may go in to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. 14“It shall be, if you are not pleased with her, then you shall let her go wherever she wishes; but you shall certainly not sell her for money, you shall not mistreat her, because you have humbled her.
15“If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him sons, if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved, 16then it shall be in the day he wills what he has to his sons, he cannot make the son of the loved the firstborn before the son of the unloved, who is the firstborn. 17“But he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the beginning of his strength; to him belongs the right of the firstborn.
18“If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, 19then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. 20“They shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21“Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.
22“If a man has committed a sin worthy of death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, 23his corpse shall not hang all night on the tree, but you shall surely bury him on the same day (for he who is hanged is accursed of God), so that you do not defile your land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
We can certainly have a robust and interesting discussion regarding taking a captive as a wife. I am not sure how to practically apply this to be frank. However, one can easily understand that other cultures of the time would not be so gracious to a captive as to give them time to grieve and treat them well. There is explicit instruction to avoid abusing them. There is protection for those who are vulnerable.
We can ponder again about the instruction regarding two wives, one loved and one unloved. I do not believe YHWH wants a man to have two wives. He intended one man to one woman as with Adam and Eve. We could have an interesting discussion on why He did not outright ban it. Perhaps like divorce, He allowed it because of the hardness of their hearts. Similarly, I don’t believe He intends for any wife to be unloved by her husband. However, we can see that He provides protection for those who may be unloved and may be vulnerable to abuse or neglect.
In the third example, we can see that YHWH expects even perhaps adult children to still respect their parents. How many of us assume the scripture is calling young children gluttons and drunkards? It sounds like older children who are being rebellious. In this case it refers to rebellion to both YHWH and parents. YHWH is not tolerant of evil and rebellion. He instructs that there should be accountability and a stop should be put to the sin before it spreads to others.
The last example probably seems to most of us abhorrent. Why would we hang those who were executed in public. This was likely not a pretty site. Again, though we could have a very interesting discussion on this case, ultimately I think we could agree YHWH wants to discourage sin and rebellion. He wants to discourage seriously bad behavior from becoming accepted and normalized. We can perhaps prefer not to take this approach, but in reality looking at the sin rampant in our culture today, perhaps we would benefit from a bit more punishment and accountability a few generations ago and we would not have normalized so much sin in our culture which is now praised as acceptable or good.
I would simply encourage you to not disregard any scripture and not assume that YHWH was wrong because we live differently than He instructed His people to live. Pray, study and reflect on what we can learn about Him from His word. Then seek to apply it to your life.
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