Think of the last time you bought an item with the words “some assembly required” on the box. Was it a bicycle? a play kitchen for your kids? maybe a large Lincoln Logs set? Think of one that was complicated to put together. They provided an instruction manual, right? Did you use it? I sure do. I may be able to figure out how to put things together, but it sure goes easier and comes together more quickly and with less damage and rework when I follow the manual. What is more, I follow the full instructions. I do not just pick and choose which instructions to follow and which ones not to and then expect everything to come out just right. I follow all of the instructions for best results.
So why is it that so many people try to pick and choose which parts of the Bible they want to accept and use to guide their actions and attitudes? God provided the Bible to us to be able to have great insight into God and how He relates to His people. It provides great insight into how we should live our lives. It is like the instruction manual that helps us put together that complicated Lego set. Things usually don’t work out right if you only follow part of the directions. (You are not supposed to run out of or have extra pieces.)
God’s revelation through the Bible may also be compared to the map that shows us how to get through a mine field (a field with bombs hidden below the surface that blow up if you step on them). Would you choose to “wing it” through a mine field rather than follow the map? Would you pick and choose which parts of the map you believe? Would you base which parts you use based on your opinion or that of others about where the mines might be or stick to the map provided by the one who already knows where all the mines actually are?
The Bible is not a “pick list” where we choose which parts we “believe” and which we do not. We either submit to God fully or we do not. We either trust Him or we do not.
The similar consideration should be given for studying and applying what God reveals to us about marriage in Ephesians 5.
Marriage Like Christ and the Church
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30because we are members of His body. 31FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Now… for those of you who are getting upset because you do not like what the scripture says, take a moment to pause and reflect. First, consciously strip away what people have told you about this scripture and have told you about the role of husband and wife and try to come into it as a blank slate, just reading what God reveals rather than what others say He does.
God calls husbands to lead, love, and if necessary die for their wives. So too, they should live for their wives. They are called to rejoice in their wives as if they are truly one in body and spirit. They are to be to their wives as Jesus was to the church. Who would take exception to this?
God calls wives to an equally important role, but a different role. Keep in mind that God designed us and He has that in mind when He guides us on our roles. Wives submit to and respect your husbands. Our culture wants to convince women that submitting to their husband is somehow demeaning. I argue it is not. Both men and women are made in God’s image. Which sports team has two coaches with the same role and responsibility and authority for the team? Which organization has two leaders with the same roles, responsibilities and authority? Which army has such a structure? None. Because it does not work. There must be a chain of command. Even in the U.S. Senate there is a tie breaker set up in case votes fall 50 for and 50 against. So why is it demeaning only when God says it about the roles of husband and wife in marriage but not in every other situation where it is necessary?
Now think of these two roles working together with both doing as they are commanded by God. The husband will dwell with understanding and love for his wife and give her full consideration for her desires and needs. They can engage and discuss. Ultimately, he is to consider her equally as if she is his own body and spirit as they are one. At times, he is called to die to self and give her preference to care for her as Christ died for the church. He is under authority to God and thus stays on the right path to lead the family.
The model God lays out works and works really well! Typically, problems come in not with God’s plan, but with the way people fail to execute it properly.
For those who are married, think about where you and your spouse may fall short of God’s plan for you in His commands for your marriage. Focus first on changing your own behavior and then perhaps engage in further discussion with your spouse. Show your spouse how it works through your actions and how you treat them. When they see the change in you and ask… then you share God’s plan with them from Ephesians.
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Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? If you die today, do you know for sure that you would be with God in heaven? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.