Category Archives: Adultery / Sex Outside Marriage

Guarding Against Sexual Temptation (Proverbs 7)

Have you ever found yourself enticed by the allure of temptation, drawn into its snare by the promise of pleasure or fulfillment?

Proverbs 7 presents a sobering warning against the dangers of yielding to seduction and urges us to guard our hearts and minds against the lures of sin.

Reconnect: In Proverbs 7, Solomon imparts wisdom to his son, cautioning him against the enticing words of an immoral woman. This passage serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of discernment and self-control in the face of temptation.

(Summarized and continued after scripture)

Proverbs 7

The Wiles of the Harlot

1My son, keep my words
And treasure my commandments within you.

      2Keep my commandments and live,
And my teaching as the apple of your eye.

      3Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.

      4Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your intimate friend;

      5That they may keep you from an adulteress,
From the foreigner who flatters with her words.

      6For at the window of my house
I looked out through my lattice,

      7And I saw among the naive,
And discerned among the youths
A young man lacking sense,

      8Passing through the street near her corner;
And he takes the way to her house,

      9In the twilight, in the evening,
In the middle of the night and in the darkness.

      10And behold, a woman comes to meet him,
Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.

      11She is boisterous and rebellious,
Her feet do not remain at home;

      12She is now in the streets, now in the squares,
And lurks by every corner.

      13So she seizes him and kisses him
And with a brazen face she says to him:

      14“I was due to offer peace offerings;
Today I have paid my vows.

      15“Therefore I have come out to meet you,
To seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you.

      16“I have spread my couch with coverings,
With colored linens of Egypt.

      17“I have sprinkled my bed
With myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

      18“Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with caresses.

      19“For my husband is not at home,
He has gone on a long journey;

      20He has taken a bag of money with him,
At the full moon he will come home.”

      21With her many persuasions she entices him;
With her flattering lips she seduces him.

      22Suddenly he follows her
As an ox goes to the slaughter,
Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool,

      23Until an arrow pierces through his liver;
As a bird hastens to the snare,
So he does not know that it will cost him his life.

      24Now therefore, my sons, listen to me,
And pay attention to the words of my mouth.

      25Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths.

      26For many are the victims she has cast down,
And numerous are all her slain.

      27Her house is the way to Sheol,
Descending to the chambers of death.

Summary Key Points:

  1. The Seduction of Temptation: Solomon vividly describes the encounter between his son and the immoral woman, emphasizing her cunning tactics and persuasive words. Through this narrative, he highlights the deceptive nature of temptation and its ability to ensnare even the most unsuspecting.
  2. The Consequences of Yielding: The consequences of giving in to temptation are dire, as Solomon warns of the devastating effects of moral compromise. He paints a vivid picture of the ultimate outcome for those who succumb to the allure of sin, emphasizing the importance of resisting its temptations.
  3. The Call to Wisdom and Discernment: In light of the dangers posed by temptation, Solomon urges his son to embrace wisdom and discernment. He emphasizes the importance of heeding instruction and following the path of righteousness, which leads to life and blessings.

Call to Action:

As we reflect on Proverbs 7, let us:

  • Guard Our Hearts: Be vigilant and discerning when faced with temptation, guarding our hearts against the seductive allure of sin.
  • Seek Wisdom: Cultivate a heart of wisdom and discernment, seeking guidance from God’s Word and the counsel of the wise.
  • Flee from Temptation: Follow the example of Joseph in the Bible and flee from temptation, refusing to entertain its advances or compromise our integrity.

Closing Prayer:

Heavenly Father, we acknowledge the ever-present dangers of temptation and the allure of sin in our lives. Grant us the strength and discernment to resist temptation and walk in the path of righteousness. May Your Word be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, guiding us away from the snares of the enemy. In Your name, we pray, amen.

May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you.

John Golda


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Wisdom’s Warning: Stewardship, Diligence, and a Guarded Heart (Proverbs 6)

Have you ever felt the weight of regret after making a hasty decision, wishing you had paused to consider the consequences beforehand?

In Proverbs 6, we encounter a series of admonitions that serve as a stern reminder of the perils of folly and the importance of heeding wisdom’s counsel.

Reconnect: As we delve into Proverbs 6, we’re confronted with the sobering realities of life’s choices and their far-reaching implications. The sage wisdom offered in this chapter serves as a guiding light, illuminating the path of righteousness and warning against the pitfalls of ignorance and folly.

(Summarized and continued after the scripture)

Proverbs 6

     Parental Counsel

     1My son, if you have become surety for your neighbor,
Have given a pledge for a stranger,

2If you have been snared with the words of your mouth,
Have been caught with the words of your mouth,

3Do this then, my son, and deliver yourself;
Since you have come into the hand of your neighbor,
Go, humble yourself, and importune your neighbor.

4Give no sleep to your eyes,
Nor slumber to your eyelids;

5Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hunter’s hand
And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.

6Go to the ant, O sluggard,
Observe her ways and be wise,

7Which, having no chief,
Officer or ruler,

8Prepares her food in the summer
And gathers her provision in the harvest.

9How long will you lie down, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?

10“A little sleep, a little slumber,
A little folding of the hands to rest”—

11Your poverty will come in like a vagabond
And your need like an armed man.

12A worthless person, a wicked man,
Is the one who walks with a perverse mouth,

13Who winks with his eyes, who signals with his feet,
Who points with his fingers;

14Who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil,
Who spreads strife.

15Therefore his calamity will come suddenly;
Instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing.

16There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:

17Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,

18A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,

19A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.

20My son, observe the commandment of your father
And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;

21Bind them continually on your heart;
Tie them around your neck.

22When you walk about, they will guide you;
When you sleep, they will watch over you;
And when you awake, they will talk to you.

23For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;
And reproofs for discipline are the way of life

24To keep you from the evil woman,
From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

25Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.

26For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread,
And an adulteress hunts for the precious life.

27Can a man take fire in his bosom
And his clothes not be burned?

28Or can a man walk on hot coals
And his feet not be scorched?

29So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.

30Men do not despise a thief if he steals
To satisfy himself when he is hungry;

31But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold;
He must give all the substance of his house.

32The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense;
He who would destroy himself does it.

33Wounds and disgrace he will find,
And his reproach will not be blotted out.

34For jealousy enrages a man,
And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

35He will not accept any ransom,
Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.

Summary Key Points:

  • The Danger of Surety for Others: The chapter begins with a caution against becoming ensnared by the debts of others, urging vigilance and discernment in financial matters. It emphasizes the importance of prudence and restraint, lest one find themselves bound by obligations beyond their means.
  • The Warning Against Laziness: The sage admonishes against the allure of idleness and slothfulness, highlighting the destructive consequences of neglecting one’s responsibilities. Laziness is likened to a relentless predator, prowling in search of prey and leading to poverty and ruin.
  • The Consequences of Adultery: The chapter issues a stern warning against the temptation of adultery, portraying it as a path of destruction that leads to grave consequences. The imagery used vividly illustrates the devastation wrought by infidelity, urging readers to guard their hearts and honor their commitments.

Call to Action:

As we reflect on the wisdom found in Proverbs 6, let us respond with:

  • Prudent Stewardship: Let us exercise wisdom and discernment in our financial dealings, avoiding the snare of surety and practicing prudence in our commitments.
  • Diligent Work Ethic: May we embrace a spirit of diligence and industry, recognizing the value of hard work and the perils of slothfulness. Let us fulfill our responsibilities with excellence, knowing that diligence leads to prosperity.
  • Guarded Hearts: In matters of relationships and fidelity, let us remain vigilant and guard our hearts against the temptations of adultery. May we cherish and honor our commitments, fostering trust and fidelity in our relationships.

Closing Prayer:

Heavenly Father, grant us the wisdom to navigate life’s choices with prudence and discernment. Help us to heed the warnings of folly and to embrace the path of righteousness laid out before us. Strengthen us to resist temptation and to walk in integrity, honoring You in all that we do. Amen.

May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you.

John Golda


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Choosing Wisdom over Temptation (Proverbs 5)

Have you ever found yourself enticed by the allure of fleeting pleasures, only to discover later the bitter consequences of indulgence?

In Proverbs 5, we delve into the timeless wisdom of Solomon as he warns against the dangers of succumbing to temptation and urges us to embrace the path of righteousness.

Join us as we navigate the delicate balance between desire and discipline, seeking the enduring satisfaction found in walking in God’s ways.

Reconnect: In the preceding chapters of Proverbs, we have encountered Solomon’s impassioned pleas for wisdom and discernment, recognizing their invaluable role in shaping our character and guiding our choices. In Proverbs 5, Solomon addresses the specific temptation of adultery, offering practical advice and solemn warnings to those who would heed his words.

Proverbs 5

Pitfalls of Immorality

1My son, give attention to my wisdom,
Incline your ear to my understanding;

      2That you may observe discretion
And your lips may reserve knowledge.

      3For the lips of an adulteress drip honey
And smoother than oil is her speech;

      4But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.

      5Her feet go down to death,
Her steps take hold of Sheol.

      6She does not ponder the path of life;
Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.

      7Now then, my sons, listen to me
And do not depart from the words of my mouth.

      8Keep your way far from her
And do not go near the door of her house,

      9Or you will give your vigor to others
And your years to the cruel one;

      10And strangers will be filled with your strength
And your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien;

      11And you groan at your final end,
When your flesh and your body are consumed;

      12And you say, “How I have hated instruction!
And my heart spurned reproof!

      13“I have not listened to the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to my instructors!

      14“I was almost in utter ruin
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”

      15Drink water from your own cistern
And fresh water from your own well.

      16Should your springs be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?

      17Let them be yours alone
And not for strangers with you.

      18Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth.

      19As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
Be exhilarated always with her love.

      20For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress
And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?

      21For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He watches all his paths.

      22His own iniquities will capture the wicked,
And he will be held with the cords of his sin.

      23He will die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.

Summary Key Points:

  1. The Seductive Allure of Adultery (Proverbs 5:1-14): Solomon begins by urging his listeners to pay attention to his instruction and to guard themselves against the enticing words of an adulterous woman. He vividly describes the allure of forbidden pleasure, warning that it leads only to destruction and death. Solomon implores his listeners to avoid the path of the adulteress, whose ways are unstable and fraught with peril.
  2. The Devastating Consequences of Infidelity (Proverbs 5:15-23): In this section, Solomon contrasts the blessings of marital fidelity with the devastating consequences of adultery. He extols the virtues of marital intimacy and the joy found in a faithful and committed relationship. Conversely, Solomon warns that the adulterer will be ensnared by his own lusts, facing ruin and disgrace as a result of his folly.

Call to Action:

As we reflect on the wisdom of Proverbs 5, let us consider how we can apply its timeless truths to our lives:

  1. Guard Your Heart: Like Solomon’s admonition to his son, let us be vigilant in guarding our hearts and minds against the allure of temptation. Let us recognize the seductive nature of sinful desires and take proactive steps to avoid situations that could lead us astray. By cultivating a heart of purity and integrity, we honor God and protect ourselves from harm.
  2. Cultivate Marital Faithfulness: For those who are married, let us cherish and nurture the sanctity of our marital covenant. Let us prioritize fidelity and commitment in our relationships, honoring our spouses and upholding the vows we have made before God. By investing in our marriages and nurturing trust and intimacy, we strengthen the foundation of our families and glorify God in our unions.
  3. Seek God’s Guidance: In moments of temptation and moral ambiguity, let us turn to God for guidance and strength. Let us seek His wisdom through prayer, Scripture, and the counsel of wise mentors and friends. By aligning our lives with His will and relying on His grace, we can overcome temptation and walk in the path of righteousness.

Closing Prayer: Heavenly Father, we thank You for the wisdom and guidance found in Your Word, especially in passages like Proverbs 5 that offer practical insights into navigating the complexities of life. Grant us the strength and discernment to resist temptation and to walk in the path of righteousness. May Your Spirit empower us to guard our hearts, honor our commitments, and seek Your will in all things. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you.

John Golda


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Embracing Holiness in a World Filled with Impurity (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8)

Step into the illuminating words of 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, where Paul beckons believers to embrace holiness in a world filled with impurity.

Join us on a transformative journey through these verses as we explore the timeless call to live a life pleasing to God, navigating the challenges of a world often at odds with the pursuit of spiritual purity.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

Sanctification

      1Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more. 2For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. 7For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. 8So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Summary of Key Points:

  1. The Call to Live Pleasing Lives: In these verses, Paul passionately urges the Thessalonian believers to continue living lives that are pleasing to God. He emphasizes the importance of following the instructions they received, establishing a foundation for holy living.
  2. The Pursuit of Holiness: Paul underscores the significance of holiness in the life of a believer. The call is not merely to avoid impurity but to actively pursue holiness, setting themselves apart in a manner that reflects their commitment to God’s standards.
  3. Respecting Boundaries in Relationships: A key theme in these verses is the need for believers to exercise self-control and honor the sanctity of relationships. Paul encourages them to avoid sexual immorality and to conduct themselves with integrity, respecting the boundaries set by God.
  4. The Rejection of Impurity: These verses highlight the contrast between the purity God desires and the impurity that characterizes the behavior of those who do not know God. Paul urges believers to reject impurity and embrace the holiness that aligns with God’s will.

As we dive into the profound counsel of 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, let’s reflect on the call to embrace holiness in a world yearning for purity.

How do we navigate the challenges of living pleasing lives in a society often at odds with spiritual values?

Take a moment for self-reflection and prayer, considering how these verses resonate with your own journey toward holiness.

Additionally, share your insights on the pursuit of holiness and the importance of respecting boundaries in our relationships with a friend or family member.

These verses invite us not only to reject impurity but also to actively seek the path of holiness, aligning our lives with God’s standards.

Join the conversation, and let’s explore together the transformative power embedded in this timeless call to holiness.

May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. John


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Avoid These Common Mistakes that Displease God

Just because we claim the name of Jesus as Lord or we are baptized does not mean that we are living our lives in a way that is fully pleasing to our Creator and Father. Often, even after we genuinely start pursuing Christ and submitting to Him, we still have areas of sin in our lives that need to be dealt with. Sometimes we have blind spots where we listen to the culture around us instead of God’s word about what is right and wrong.

1 Corinthians 10:1-14

Avoid Israel’s Mistakes

     1For I do not want you to be unaware, brethren, that our fathers were all under the cloud and all passed through the sea; 2and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea; 3and all ate the same spiritual food; 4and all drank the same spiritual drink, for they were drinking from a spiritual rock which followed them; and the rock was Christ. 5Nevertheless, with most of them God was not well-pleased; for they were laid low in the wilderness.

      6Now these things happened as examples for us, so that we would not crave evil things as they also craved. 7Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written, “THE PEOPLE SAT DOWN TO EAT AND DRINK, AND STOOD UP TO PLAY.” 8Nor let us act immorally, as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in one day. 9Nor let us try the Lord, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the serpents. 10Nor grumble, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer. 11Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. 12Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. 13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Take care not to consider idolatry to narrowly. People make idols out of many things… false gods to be sure, but also the environment, other created things such as money, sports, self, another person… it is placing something in our heart where we are focused on it instead of the right focus of God.

Consider immorality by God’s definition, not by the definition of our culture. Man today continues to redefine what is immorality through courts and television and other means but God’s position on what is moral or immoral has not and will not change.  Sex outside of marriage is wrong. Marriage is designed for and constrained to a man and a woman. It is not complicated until man tries to change it to avoid confronting his sin.

Do not overlook grumbling. Yes, even grumbling is a sign of lacking faith and trust in our Father. It is a sign of an ungrateful heart that takes for granted what blessings the Father has already poured out on us. Praise Him more and stop grumbling, even when things are tough.

Let us each take on the challenge to honestly confront our attitudes and actions and compare them to Paul’s warnings from 1 Corinthians. Do not be complacent because of a one-time decision to follow Christ. Instead, seek Him daily and seek to keep changing yourself to be more in His image. Let us keep a thankful heart and praise Him for who He is and what He has already done for us, regardless of our situation!

Take a few minutes with God in prayer. Ask Him to show you any areas in your life in which you need to change. Then, take action to change!

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


 

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

 

Sex Is a Gift in the Context of Marriage

The sexual drive in men and women is given by God as part of who we are. Paul commented specifically in this regard in 1 Corinthians 7. It is good for a man or woman to be single and focused on God rather than married if that is their personal gifting from God. It will allow them to serve Him in a more focused way. However, God makes each of us different. For many, the drive for sex is wonderful inside the gift of marriage, but if they try to remain single, that same gift will instead lead to great temptation and potentially to immoral behavior.

Inside marriage, we must use this gift well as a way of bonding with our spouse. Sex or withholding of sex is not to be used as a “weapon” to get one’s own way or win an argument. This is plainly wrong. Marriages are strongest when sex is used to serve and bond with one another.  Truly this helps two become one as God intends.

Once married, we should not divorce. It has always been God’s plan to have one man and one woman together in marriage. We are to choose carefully and prayerfully and then focus all our effort on serving each other and building / maintaining a strong marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:1-11

Teaching on Marriage

      1Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

      8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

      10But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

Take care not to overlook the Biblical view on sex drive. It can be a powerful bonding in strengthening a marriage. It is a gift from God and not something to be scorned or mocked. But it is also not something to be abused by using it outside of marriage.

—-

Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? Are you living today with the peace and joy of truly knowing and following Jesus Christ? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Flee Sexual Immorality; Our Body Is for the LORD

Today we reflect on a simple, but profound principle in God’s word. Do not read this quickly. Dwell on it. It is more than just taking good care of our body physically. Our bodies belong to the Lord. They are not made for immorality. The body is for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. Let us not abuse what God has given us with immorality and sin.

1 Corinthians 6:9-20

9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, 10nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor those habitually drunk, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

The Body Is the Lord’s

      12All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. 13Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. 14Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” 17But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 18Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Do not think immorality is constrained to prostitutes as highlighted in the passage above. Immorality involves sexual activity other than between two people who are married in accordance with God’s word. This can take place between two who are not married (fornication), between one who is married with someone other than their spouse (adultery), between two people of the same gender (homosexuality), between close family members (incest), or involving animals (bestiality).  There are scriptures throughout the Bible to back up each of these as immoral and against God’s word.

Our bodies serve as temples for the Holy Spirit who is in us. We are not our own but have been bought with a price. Flee sin and glorify God in your body. Do not give up the kingdom of God for such sin.

9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?

—-

Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? Are you living today filled with the peace and joy of truly knowing and following Jesus Christ? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex (In Marriage)

This is part 5a of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 5: Conflict Resolution in Marriage.)

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 5a. Friends of the Opposite Sex | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 5a. Article_ Friends of the Opposite Sex_ _ Bible.org

How will you handle friendships with the opposite sex in marriage? This seemingly unimportant issue can often cause great strain and conflict within a marriage.

This topic came up while I was working as a Navy Reserve chaplain at Great Lakes Navy Base. While there, I attended a two-hour group pre-marital counseling session for sailors. The chaplain running the session asked the sailors this question, “How many of you have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands. The next question was, “How many of your fiancés have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands again. Finally, he said, “How many of you plan on keeping it that way?” Each of the sailors looked at each other trying to discern what the right answer was, but eventually, all of them raised their hands again.

The chaplain then began to describe a formula of how relationships develop and progress further than friendship. He said:

I know there are people in here who think their fiancé was the only person in the world they could ever fall in love with. However, let me quickly burst that bubble for you. There is a formula for love, and it is pretty simple. It is having a person of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing. Those are the only three things needed for you to become seriously attracted to someone, and it potentially can happen with anyone.

Those of you who plan to keep your friends of the opposite sex, I would highly discourage it. Do you think most people who end up having affairs, initially planned to cheat on their mates? No, many times it happens simply because the couple did not have a rational plan about how they were going to interact with the opposite sex. They began to have fights and then one spouse went to share their problems with a friend of the opposite sex. When this continually happened, it created vulnerability and intimacy, eventually leading to an affair. Or, one mate had a job that required travel while the other stayed home, partied, and hung out with the opposite sex when the mate was away. Again, this produced the simple formula of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing, leading to problems.

These are not uncommon scenarios; they happen all the time. To make it worse, throw alcohol into the picture. Then anything could happen. It only takes one drink to lower your inhibitions…

The topic of friendship with the opposite sex is a topic every couple should consider before getting married. Personally, my wife and I talked about this before marriage, and we both agreed it was very difficult, even as a single person, to have a close relationship with the opposite sex without someone’s feelings eventually getting involved. Not impossible, but difficult.

How did we decide to handle it? As a pastor, I have to minister to females, but I am very careful about being alone with them unless it is necessary for confidentiality. When I am going to be alone with a female for an extended period of time, I always try to let my wife know and make sure she approves. If the counseling will be continuous, I will probably ask her to get involved.

In addition, before I got married, one of my best friends was a female, and to be honest, feelings sometimes got involved. However, we never went further than friendship. In marriage, it was very important to me for my wife to become close with this female if my friend was to remain a part of my life. By God’s grace, my wife now has a closer friendship with her than I do. For me, this was the only way my friend and I could continue to have a close relationship. With that said, my relationship with this girl is not even close to where it was previously because now my wife gets all my intimate thoughts, fears, plans, and time alone. That intimacy is reserved for my wife alone. And, by God’s grace, this close friend is now also married, and her intimate thoughts are reserved for her husband.

Consequently, this is a very important issue for couples to discuss and to create a plan for. When not properly addressed, it often becomes a source of conflict and tension within a marriage and sometimes it can be destructive. How will you handle relationships with the opposite sex?

Continue with Foundation 6: Raising Godly Children in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, lead and guide us in our relationships with others so that we would strengthen our marriage and keep it as a set apart relationship in our lives in a way that brings honor and glory to You. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex (In Marriage)

This is part 5a of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 5: Conflict Resolution in Marriage.

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 5a. Friends of the Opposite Sex | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 5a. Article_ Friends of the Opposite Sex_ _ Bible.org

How will you handle friendships with the opposite sex in marriage? This seemingly unimportant issue can often cause great strain and conflict within a marriage.

This topic came up while I was working as a Navy Reserve chaplain at Great Lakes Navy Base. While there, I attended a two-hour group pre-marital counseling session for sailors. The chaplain running the session asked the sailors this question, “How many of you have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands. The next question was, “How many of your fiancés have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands again. Finally, he said, “How many of you plan on keeping it that way?” Each of the sailors looked at each other trying to discern what the right answer was, but eventually, all of them raised their hands again.

The chaplain then began to describe a formula of how relationships develop and progress further than friendship. He said:

I know there are people in here who think their fiancé was the only person in the world they could ever fall in love with. However, let me quickly burst that bubble for you. There is a formula for love, and it is pretty simple. It is having a person of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing. Those are the only three things needed for you to become seriously attracted to someone, and it potentially can happen with anyone.

Those of you who plan to keep your friends of the opposite sex, I would highly discourage it. Do you think most people who end up having affairs, initially planned to cheat on their mates? No, many times it happens simply because the couple did not have a rational plan about how they were going to interact with the opposite sex. They began to have fights and then one spouse went to share their problems with a friend of the opposite sex. When this continually happened, it created vulnerability and intimacy, eventually leading to an affair. Or, one mate had a job that required travel while the other stayed home, partied, and hung out with the opposite sex when the mate was away. Again, this produced the simple formula of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing, leading to problems.

These are not uncommon scenarios; they happen all the time. To make it worse, throw alcohol into the picture. Then anything could happen. It only takes one drink to lower your inhibitions…

The topic of friendship with the opposite sex is a topic every couple should consider before getting married. Personally, my wife and I talked about this before marriage, and we both agreed it was very difficult, even as a single person, to have a close relationship with the opposite sex without someone’s feelings eventually getting involved. Not impossible, but difficult.

How did we decide to handle it? As a pastor, I have to minister to females, but I am very careful about being alone with them unless it is necessary for confidentiality. When I am going to be alone with a female for an extended period of time, I always try to let my wife know and make sure she approves. If the counseling will be continuous, I will probably ask her to get involved.

In addition, before I got married, one of my best friends was a female, and to be honest, feelings sometimes got involved. However, we never went further than friendship. In marriage, it was very important to me for my wife to become close with this female if my friend was to remain a part of my life. By God’s grace, my wife now has a closer friendship with her than I do. For me, this was the only way my friend and I could continue to have a close relationship. With that said, my relationship with this girl is not even close to where it was previously because now my wife gets all my intimate thoughts, fears, plans, and time alone. That intimacy is reserved for my wife alone. And, by God’s grace, this close friend is now also married, and her intimate thoughts are reserved for her husband.

Consequently, this is a very important issue for couples to discuss and to create a plan for. When not properly addressed, it often becomes a source of conflict and tension within a marriage and sometimes it can be destructive. How will you handle relationships with the opposite sex?

Continue with Foundation 6: Raising Godly Children in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, lead and guide us in our relationships with others so that we would strengthen our marriage and keep it as a set apart relationship in our lives in a way that brings honor and glory to You. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.