When Preparing for Battle, Focus on God In Addition to Carnal Preparations

Preparing for battle, Judah made many carnal preparations. They provided water in the city. They repaired the walls. God had brought them to this hardship to lead them to regret and repentance. Instead, they celebrated and feasted, “because tomorrow we may die”. They made physical preparations. They did not turn to the LORD, repent, and ask Him to forgive and protect them.

When we face our battles, literal or otherwise, let’s do all these preparations, but first and foremost let us seek God and call upon Him for His protection.  Unless the LORD is with us, we labor in vain.

Isaiah 22

The Valley of Vision

      1The oracle concerning the valley of vision.
What is the matter with you now, that you have all gone up to the housetops?

      2You who were full of noise,
You boisterous town, you exultant city;
Your slain were not slain with the sword,
Nor did they die in battle.

      3All your rulers have fled together,
And have been captured without the bow;
All of you who were found were taken captive together,
Though they had fled far away.

      4Therefore I say, “Turn your eyes away from me,
Let me weep bitterly,
Do not try to comfort me concerning the destruction of the daughter of my people.”

      5For the Lord GOD of hosts has a day of panic, subjugation and confusion
In the valley of vision,
A breaking down of walls
And a crying to the mountain.

      6Elam took up the quiver
With the chariots, infantry and horsemen;
And Kir uncovered the shield.

      7Then your choicest valleys were full of chariots,
And the horsemen took up fixed positions at the gate.

      8And He removed the defense of Judah.
In that day you depended on the weapons of the house of the forest,

      9And you saw that the breaches
In the wall of the city of David were many;
And you collected the waters of the lower pool.

      10Then you counted the houses of Jerusalem
And tore down houses to fortify the wall.

      11And you made a reservoir between the two walls
For the waters of the old pool.
But you did not depend on Him who made it,
Nor did you take into consideration Him who planned it long ago.

      12Therefore in that day the Lord GOD of hosts called you to weeping, to wailing,
To shaving the head and to wearing sackcloth.

      13Instead, there is gaiety and gladness,
Killing of cattle and slaughtering of sheep,
Eating of meat and drinking of wine:
“Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we may die.”

      14But the LORD of hosts revealed Himself to me,
“Surely this iniquity shall not be forgiven you
Until you die,” says the Lord GOD of hosts.

      15Thus says the Lord GOD of hosts,
“Come, go to this steward,
To Shebna, who is in charge of the royal household,

      16‘What right do you have here,
And whom do you have here,
That you have hewn a tomb for yourself here,
You who hew a tomb on the height,
You who carve a resting place for yourself in the rock?

      17‘Behold, the LORD is about to hurl you headlong, O man.
And He is about to grasp you firmly

      18And roll you tightly like a ball,
To be cast into a vast country;
There you will die
And there your splendid chariots will be,
You shame of your master’s house.’

      19“I will depose you from your office,
And I will pull you down from your station.

      20“Then it will come about in that day,
That I will summon My servant Eliakim the son of Hilkiah,

      21And I will clothe him with your tunic
And tie your sash securely about him.
I will entrust him with your authority,
And he will become a father to the inhabitants of Jerusalem and to the house of Judah.

      22“Then I will set the key of the house of David on his shoulder,
When he opens no one will shut,
When he shuts no one will open.

      23“I will drive him like a peg in a firm place,
And he will become a throne of glory to his father’s house.

24“So they will hang on him all the glory of his father’s house, offspring and issue, all the least of vessels, from bowls to all the jars. 25“In that day,” declares the LORD of hosts, “the peg driven in a firm place will give way; it will even break off and fall, and the load hanging on it will be cut off, for the LORD has spoken.”

It is encouraging to see that even as the LORD plans rebuke and punishment intended to draw the people back to Him, He is also planning who and how He will bring about restoration! What the LORD opens, no one will shut. What the LORD shuts, no one will open.

What hardships and challenges are you facing in your life? Are you turning to God wholeheartedly or are you trying to handle it all on your own?

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for disciplining us to bring us back to the right relationship with You. Thank You for preparing a way to restore us to You! Your plans are perfect. Your ways are right. We put our full trust in You, even during hardship. I pray this in the name of Yeshua, our savior. Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

God Is Stronger than Any Enemy You Face

As we continue to read Isaiah, we see the same theme continuing in chapters 20-21. God can humble even the mightiest of those who stand against His people.  In Isaiah’s time, it was nation-states. That may still be the case for some of us, depending on our home country. Many nations persecute followers of Yeshua aggressively or simply fail to protect them. In nations like the USA, many, including government and businesses have a tendency to persecute Christians. It may not be a threat to your life, but rather it may be an attack on your business.

Regardless of whoever may oppose you, be encouraged that greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world! God is mighty and unmatched. He is sovereign and can humble anyone at the time of His choosing.

Isaiah 20

Prophecy about Egypt and Ethiopia

      1In the year that the commander came to Ashdod, when Sargon the king of Assyria sent him and he fought against Ashdod and captured it, 2at that time the LORD spoke through Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, “Go and loosen the sackcloth from your hips and take your shoes off your feet.” And he did so, going naked and barefoot. 3And the LORD said, “Even as My servant Isaiah has gone naked and barefoot three years as a sign and token against Egypt and Cush, 4so the king of Assyria will lead away the captives of Egypt and the exiles of Cush, young and old, naked and barefoot with buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt. 5“Then they will be dismayed and ashamed because of Cush their hope and Egypt their boast. 6“So the inhabitants of this coastland will say in that day, ‘Behold, such is our hope, where we fled for help to be delivered from the king of Assyria; and we, how shall we escape?’”

Isaiah 21

God Commands That Babylon Be Taken

      1The oracle concerning the wilderness of the sea.
As windstorms in the Negev sweep on,
It comes from the wilderness, from a terrifying land.

      2A harsh vision has been shown to me;
The treacherous one still deals treacherously, and the destroyer still destroys.
Go up, Elam, lay siege, Media;
I have made an end of all the groaning she has caused.

      3For this reason my loins are full of anguish;
Pains have seized me like the pains of a woman in labor.
I am so bewildered I cannot hear, so terrified I cannot see.

      4My mind reels, horror overwhelms me;
The twilight I longed for has been turned for me into trembling.

      5They set the table, they spread out the cloth, they eat, they drink;
“Rise up, captains, oil the shields,”

6For thus the Lord says to me,
“Go, station the lookout, let him report what he sees.

      7“When he sees riders, horsemen in pairs,
A train of donkeys, a train of camels,
Let him pay close attention, very close attention.”

8Then the lookout called,
“O Lord, I stand continually by day on the watchtower,
And I am stationed every night at my guard post.

      9“Now behold, here comes a troop of riders, horsemen in pairs.”
And one said, “Fallen, fallen is Babylon;
And all the images of her gods are shattered on the ground.”

      10O my threshed people, and my afflicted of the threshing floor!
What I have heard from the LORD of hosts,
The God of Israel, I make known to you.

Oracles about Edom and Arabia

      11The oracle concerning Edom.
One keeps calling to me from Seir,
“Watchman, how far gone is the night?
Watchman, how far gone is the night?”

      12The watchman says,
“Morning comes but also night.
If you would inquire, inquire;
Come back again.”

      13The oracle about Arabia.
In the thickets of Arabia you must spend the night,
O caravans of Dedanites.

      14Bring water for the thirsty,
O inhabitants of the land of Tema,
Meet the fugitive with bread.

      15For they have fled from the swords,
From the drawn sword, and from the bent bow
And from the press of battle.

      16For thus the Lord said to me, “In a year, as a hired man would count it, all the splendor of Kedar will terminate; 17and the remainder of the number of bowmen, the mighty men of the sons of Kedar, will be few; for the LORD God of Israel has spoken.”

Regardless of what or who you face. Be encouraged and put your hope and faith in God! He is a loving Father. He does not make mistakes. We can often grow stronger through trials.

Romans 8:28

28And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, You are worthy of all praise! There is none like you! Help us to put our trust in You and You alone. Thank You that we are invited to be in a relationship with You through Yeshua. Thank You for Your grace, mercy, and forgiveness toward us. Thank You for being our shield and or refuge! In Yeshua’s name, I pray. Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

The LORD Has Power to Destroy and Restore

The LORD has the power to destroy or restore. His power and authority are absolute and unrivaled. If you are facing difficult enemies or situations, be encouraged. If you line up your life with God through Yeshua, You will do well. He is an ever-present helper.  He will not leave us or forsake us!

However, if you are not pursuing God, take warning. Those who do not have an intimate relationship with Him may not find His help and further may find some correction coming their way.

As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD!

Isaiah 19

Message to Egypt

      1The oracle concerning Egypt.
Behold, the LORD is riding on a swift cloud and is about to come to Egypt;
The idols of Egypt will tremble at His presence,
And the heart of the Egyptians will melt within them.

      2“So I will incite Egyptians against Egyptians;
And they will each fight against his brother and each against his neighbor,
City against city and kingdom against kingdom.

      3“Then the spirit of the Egyptians will be demoralized within them;
And I will confound their strategy,
So that they will resort to idols and ghosts of the dead
And to mediums and spiritists.

      4“Moreover, I will deliver the Egyptians into the hand of a cruel master,
And a mighty king will rule over them,” declares the Lord GOD of hosts.

      5The waters from the sea will dry up,
And the river will be parched and dry.

      6The canals will emit a stench,
The streams of Egypt will thin out and dry up;
The reeds and rushes will rot away.

      7The bulrushes by the Nile, by the edge of the Nile
And all the sown fields by the Nile
Will become dry, be driven away, and be no more.

      8And the fishermen will lament,
And all those who cast a line into the Nile will mourn,
And those who spread nets on the waters will pine away.

      9Moreover, the manufacturers of linen made from combed flax
And the weavers of white cloth will be utterly dejected.

      10And the pillars of Egypt will be crushed;
All the hired laborers will be grieved in soul.

      11The princes of Zoan are mere fools;
The advice of Pharaoh’s wisest advisers has become stupid.
How can you men say to Pharaoh,
“I am a son of the wise, a son of ancient kings”?

      12Well then, where are your wise men?
Please let them tell you,
And let them understand what the LORD of hosts
Has purposed against Egypt.

      13The princes of Zoan have acted foolishly,
The princes of Memphis are deluded;
Those who are the cornerstone of her tribes
Have led Egypt astray.

      14The LORD has mixed within her a spirit of distortion;
They have led Egypt astray in all that it does,
As a drunken man staggers in his vomit.

      15There will be no work for Egypt
Which its head or tail, its palm branch or bulrush, may do.

      16In that day the Egyptians will become like women, and they will tremble and be in dread because of the waving of the hand of the LORD of hosts, which He is going to wave over them. 17The land of Judah will become a terror to Egypt; everyone to whom it is mentioned will be in dread of it, because of the purpose of the LORD of hosts which He is purposing against them.

      18In that day five cities in the land of Egypt will be speaking the language of Canaan and swearing allegiance to the LORD of hosts; one will be called the City of Destruction.

      19In that day there will be an altar to the LORD in the midst of the land of Egypt, and a pillar to the LORD near its border. 20It will become a sign and a witness to the LORD of hosts in the land of Egypt; for they will cry to the LORD because of oppressors, and He will send them a Savior and a Champion, and He will deliver them. 21Thus the LORD will make Himself known to Egypt, and the Egyptians will know the LORD in that day. They will even worship with sacrifice and offering, and will make a vow to the LORD and perform it. 22The LORD will strike Egypt, striking but healing; so they will return to the LORD, and He will respond to them and will heal them.

      23In that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria, and the Assyrians will come into Egypt and the Egyptians into Assyria, and the Egyptians will worship with the Assyrians.

      24In that day Israel will be the third party with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing in the midst of the earth, 25whom the LORD of hosts has blessed, saying, “Blessed is Egypt My people, and Assyria the work of My hands, and Israel My inheritance.”

As we close, take time to consider your relationship with God. Are you receiving hope from an intimate relationship that keeps growing closer to Him? Do you feel distant from Him, as if you are not making Him a priority in your life? Do you see the growth in your relationship with Him or is it stagnant?  Ask God to give you insight.

Commit to seeking the LORD more consistently and passionately in your life and then make a plan to do so. Start today!

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for encouraging us and warning us in Your word. Help us not to rationalize our behaviors and attitudes, but truly challenge them so that we can continue to change and draw nearer to You. Thank You for helping us when we are struggling or overwhelmed! You are an ever-present hope for those who believe.  I pray this in the name of Yeshua. Amen.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Though God May Seem Distant, He Simply Waits for His Timing

Sometimes God may seem disengaged from our trials and challenges for a time. However, in His timing, He will come against the enemies of His people. He does so in a way that brings honor and glory to His name.

Take heart and be encouraged if you are in a situation where it feels like God is distant. He has not changed. He is still sovereign. You need only focus on your relationship with God and trust in Him. He will come in His timing.

Isaiah 18

Message to Ethiopia

1Alas, oh land of whirring wings
Which lies beyond the rivers of Cush,

      2Which sends envoys by the sea,
Even in papyrus vessels on the surface of the waters.
Go, swift messengers, to a nation tall and smooth,
To a people feared far and wide,
A powerful and oppressive nation
Whose land the rivers divide.

      3All you inhabitants of the world and dwellers on earth,
As soon as a standard is raised on the mountains, you will see it,
And as soon as the trumpet is blown, you will hear it.

4For thus the LORD has told me,
“I will look from My dwelling place quietly
Like dazzling heat in the sunshine,
Like a cloud of dew in the heat of harvest.”

      5For before the harvest, as soon as the bud blossoms
And the flower becomes a ripening grape,
Then He will cut off the sprigs with pruning knives
And remove and cut away the spreading branches.

      6They will be left together for mountain birds of prey,
And for the beasts of the earth;
And the birds of prey will spend the summer feeding on them,
And all the beasts of the earth will spend harvest time on them.

      7At that time a gift of homage will be brought to the LORD of hosts
From a people tall and smooth,
Even from a people feared far and wide,
A powerful and oppressive nation,
Whose land the rivers divide—
To the place of the name of the LORD of hosts, even Mount Zion.

God is always in control. God is always aware of our challenges and cares for us. In some cases, He is using tough situations to grow or shape us or draw us back near to Him. Trust in Him and focus on Him in any trials!

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for Your word. Thank You for the assurance that You will never leave nor forsake us. Thank You that we can trust in You even in difficult times! Thank You that You rescue us in Your timing to accomplish Your purposes, for we know that You love us. I pray this in the name of Yeshua. Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the challenges and perhaps enemies you feel are coming before you? I suspect Judah felt that way when Israel and Syria were aligned against them. However, Isaiah 17 reminds us that God is all-powerful. He is able to bring down your enemies before you and remove what obstacles you are facing. Put your faith in the LORD. Follow His ways. Be encouraged.

I think the Matthew Henry Concise commentary includes some good background on Isaiah 17 for those interested. I want to highlight a few sentences in particular to share.

“Happy are those who remember God as their salvation, and rely on his power and grace. The trouble of the believers, and the prosperity of their enemies, will be equally short; while the joy of the former, and the destruction of those that hate and spoil them, shall last for ever.”

Isaiah 17

Prophecy about Damascus

      1The oracle concerning Damascus.
“Behold, Damascus is about to be removed from being a city
And will become a fallen ruin.

      2“The cities of Aroer are forsaken;
They will be for flocks to lie down in,
And there will be no one to frighten them.

      3“The fortified city will disappear from Ephraim,
And sovereignty from Damascus
And the remnant of Aram;
They will be like the glory of the sons of Israel,”
Declares the LORD of hosts.

      4Now in that day the glory of Jacob will fade,
And the fatness of his flesh will become lean.

      5It will be even like the reaper gathering the standing grain,
As his arm harvests the ears,
Or it will be like one gleaning ears of grain
In the valley of Rephaim.

      6Yet gleanings will be left in it like the shaking of an olive tree,
Two or three olives on the topmost bough,
Four or five on the branches of a fruitful tree,
Declares the LORD, the God of Israel.

      7In that day man will have regard for his Maker
And his eyes will look to the Holy One of Israel.

      8He will not have regard for the altars, the work of his hands,
Nor will he look to that which his fingers have made,
Even the Asherim and incense stands.

      9In that day their strong cities will be like forsaken places in the forest,
Or like branches which they abandoned before the sons of Israel;
And the land will be a desolation.

      10For you have forgotten the God of your salvation
And have not remembered the rock of your refuge.
Therefore you plant delightful plants
And set them with vine slips of a strange god.

      11In the day that you plant it you carefully fence it in,
And in the morning you bring your seed to blossom;
But the harvest will be a heap
In a day of sickliness and incurable pain.

      12Alas, the uproar of many peoples
Who roar like the roaring of the seas,
And the rumbling of nations
Who rush on like the rumbling of mighty waters!

      13The nations rumble on like the rumbling of many waters,
But He will rebuke them and they will flee far away,
And be chased like chaff in the mountains before the wind,
Or like whirling dust before a gale.

      14At evening time, behold, there is terror!
Before morning they are no more.
Such will be the portion of those who plunder us
And the lot of those who pillage us.

I want to close by coming back to the point highlighted above from the Matthew Henry Concise commentary.

“Happy are those who remember God as their salvation, and rely on his power and grace. The trouble of the believers, and the prosperity of their enemies, will be equally short; while the joy of the former, and the destruction of those that hate and spoil them, shall last for ever.”

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, help me to remember You are my salvation. Help me to rely on Your power and grace. The trouble of believers and the prosperity of our enemies will be equally short. Our joy as believers will last forever as we draw nearer to You.  Help us to find peace by casting our anxiety and worries upon You for You care for us. I pray this in the name of Yeshua, Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Yeshua’s Prayer for His Disciples… Important Insight on How to Pray

I found Yeshua’s prayer in John 17 for His disciples very moving. I encourage each of us to read it and apply the key points He highlights to our own prayer life for ourselves, our loved ones, and other followers of Christ.

Yeshua came to the Father in prayer for His disciples as He prepared to leave. We can learn much by reviewing and considering His words.

John 17:13-21

The Disciples in the World

     13“But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. 14“I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 15“I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.16“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 17“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. 18“As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. 19“For their sakes, I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth.

      20“I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; 21that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.

  • Yeshua wanted His disciples to have His joy made full in themselves
  • He gave us the instructions of YHWH to make our joy full. We can rightly conclude He intended for us to obey them, not just be aware of them.
  • Those who follow Yeshua, like Yeshua, are not “of the world”. The world will hate and reject us, usually more so as we stand and live more boldly for Christ. This does not mean every person will hate us, but one need only look around at newspapers for national and world events to see that followers of Christ are persecuted in varying degrees depending on where they are in the world. (I do not mean people who claim Christ and live like the world… the devil and the world love these folks.)
  • We need the Father’s help to protect us from Satan. Yes, he is a real adversary.
  • Sanctify means to be set apart as holy. Yeshua asks YHWH to make us holy through truth, or the word. Again, we can reasonably conclude He intends for us to live according to the word rather than the same way the world lives.
  • Here, Yeshua specifically calls out that He is praying not just for this specific group of men, but for all who believe in Him.
  • His desire is for us as His followers to be united. We can see this is not the case throughout the world. This can seem difficult at times because we are not called to accept false teaching, but we are called to unity. Many disagree on the true application of scripture creating division. We should allow room for debate where scripture permits, but some teachings are heretical and dangerous and need to be rejected. (e.g. The teaching that everyone who claims Yeshua in name pleases the Lord and goes to heaven even if they are without repentance and do not change their lives to match His instruction.)

I encourage you to pray and reflect on these verses as well as incorporate them into your own prayer life. Ask the Father to enlighten you on their full meaning and application for your life. Pray this prayer for your children or loved ones as well as other brothers and sisters in Christ.

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Closing Thoughts for Marriage Bible Study

This is the final part of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org (Link to Foundation 8: Intimacy in Marriage).

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 9. Closing Thoughts for Marriage Bible Study | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 9. Closing Thoughts _ Bible.org

Congratulations on finishing Building Foundations for a Godly Marriage curriculum! I would like to leave you with a few closing thoughts. In Deuteronomy 24:5, God called for soldiers to not go to war during their first year of marriage. He said:

If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

In this, a clear principle is established showing how important the first year of marriage is. Statistics support this; one of the highest years of divorce is the first year. Everything will be new, and in this year, you will build habits that will sustain or hurt you for the rest of your marriage. Therefore, it is important to be very intentional within your first year.

As shared earlier in the book, one marriage guru said that couples should not watch any TV within the first year of marriage to focus on one another. Though this may be an overstatement, the basic principle behind this statement is true. Couples need to develop a pattern of focus within the first year that will continue throughout the marriage.

For example, in my first year of marriage, my wife and I decided that she would not work full-time and I stopped pursuing further education, so we could focus on one another. Plus, we had a brief courtship, so getting to know one another was even more important for us.

Couples should be very careful about taking on extra tasks in the first year that will keep them away from one another. They should spend as much quality time together as possible, building a foundation for a long and healthy marriage.

Another principle that I will leave you with is the importance of having a mentor or a mentor couple. Think of a strong Christian married couple who would serve as good mentors. You could meet together once a month, pray together, do a Bible study together, or simply secure the right to call them for godly advice and invite them to check in on you throughout the marriage.

There is support for this in Paul’s call for older women to mentor younger women. In Titus 2:3-5, Paul says this:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

For a new job, we go through training. How much more do we need continual training in marriage? You will find mentorship invaluable for your future, and one day you will pass on the wisdom you gained to another couple. May God richly bless and strengthen your marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for Your word that leads and guides us. Thank You for leaders who help to share Your word such as the man who authored this marriage series. I pray You would give wisdom, love, kindness, compassion, and selflessness to Your people in the area of marriage.  May Christian marriages bloom and flourish joyfully and be set apart and holy, clearly distinguished from those relationships based on the ways of men and culture around us. May it bring joy to Your people and glory to Your name. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Foundation 8: Intimacy in Marriage

This is part 8 of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org (Link to Foundation 7: Financial Faithfulness in Marriage).

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 8. Intimacy in Marriage | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 8. Foundation Eight_ Intimacy in Marriage _ Bible.org

How should couples develop intimacy in marriage?

Marriage should be the most intimate relationship anybody experiences in life. It should be more intimate than a friendship, a mother-daughter relationship, a father-son relationship, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, etc. But sadly, many couples often feel distant and alone in marriage.

Because man is body, soul, and spirit (cf. 1 Thess 5:23Heb 4:12), married couples must cultivate each aspect of their being in order to develop intimacy. They must cultivate their friendship (soul), their sexuality (body), and their spirituality (spirit) in marriage. If one aspect of this tri-unity is missing, couples will lack the intimacy God desires. Therefore, all three must be continually cultivated.

How should married couples develop these three aspects of intimacy?

Intimacy in Friendship

As we consider developing intimacy in friendship, we must consider Christ and his friendship with the church. Jesus said this in John 15:15:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

What makes the difference between being Christ’s servant and his friend? It was the fact that Christ shared everything with his friends. As the church, we are both Christ’s bride (cf. Eph 5:23-27) and his friend. He has taught us his secrets, things that the world will not and cannot understand (1 Cor 2:14). Through his Word and the Holy Spirit, he has taught us truths about salvation, mankind, creation, angels and demons, and the future. As the church, we are Christ’s friends, and every day we have the privilege to grow in intimacy with him through studying his Word and speaking with him in prayer.

Similarly, this practice of communing through sharing one’s life, thoughts, fears, and concerns will cultivate a married couple’s friendship and therefore intimacy. Certainly, there is a need for discipline in this area. As life gets busy with work, managing the household, raising children, church, hobbies, etc., there will be many things (some good things) that can distract from cultivating the friendship.

Likewise, this often happens in our relationship with God. Remember the story of Mary and Martha? Martha was busy serving, while Mary quietly sat at Jesus feet. In the same way, we often get busy with good things, which can cause us to neglect our relationship with God. This can also happen with our spouse, causing not only a lack of intimacy but discord in marriage.

What disciplines can couples practice to cultivate their friendship?

1. Couples should practice setting aside a period of time every day for sharing and listening to cultivate their friendship.

Activities are good, but intimate sharing should be maximized when couples are together. For most, evenings will be the best time for this, after work and other endeavors are completed.

Personally, my wife and I always try to leave the last hour or more of the evening for sharing and prayer. We may have family time before that where we eat dinner, talk, watch a TV show together with our daughter, etc., but with the last part of the evening, we want to focus on one another.

As a couple has more children, it becomes even harder to allot time for intimate sharing, but it is still just as important. I heard one pastor’s wife, who had five children, share that in their home, the children had to be in their rooms by eight pm. She would commonly tell their kids after eight pm, “I am no longer Mom but my husband’s wife.” That’s how they managed a busy home and yet kept intimacy. It also demonstrated to the kids the priority of the marriage relationship.

2. Couples should be careful of intimacy killers to focus on cultivating their friendship.

In considering the importance of time alone, one should be aware of intimacy killers. Though I mentioned watching TV with my wife, I am aware that this does not create genuine intimacy, but commonly distracts from it. Often watching TV, being on the Internet, playing video games, being on the phone, etc., can be ways of distracting from or avoiding intimacy.

One marital counseling book my wife and I read early on in marriage encouraged couples to not turn on the TV for the first year of marriage. The first year of marriage is foundational for the rest of marriage. In the Old Testament, a soldier was not allowed to go to war during the first year of marriage. He was to stay home and bring his wife happiness (Deut 24:5). It is within the first year of marriage that patterns are established, both healthy and unhealthy ones. If a couple establishes early patterns of primarily watching and doing instead of being and sharing, it may reap hazardous dividends later in marriage. It is not uncommon for couples to say after years of marriage, “We realized that we really didn’t know one another.” It is very possible these couples established unhealthy patterns early in marriage of being distracted by intimacy killers, which kept them from ever truly knowing one another.

This is good to consider about marriage and especially one’s first year, which establishes a foundation for the rest of marriage. Do you want to have a marriage where your mate comes home, kisses you on the cheek, and then gets on the Internet, TV, or phone for three hours before bed? It is good to beware of these tendencies which can potentially hurt couples. Protect yourself from intimacy killers; block out daily time to focus on sharing, listening, and being together.

3. Couples should enjoy activities together to cultivate their friendship.

With all that said, balance is needed in marriage. Couples need times of just sharing and listening to one another, but they also need to enjoy activities together such as: reading, working out, going to movies, traveling, etc. Sadly, many couples get married believing they have many activities they love doing together, but after the first year, they find that they really enjoy different things. While courting, the woman would watch sports with her boyfriend because she was just happy to be with him. However, soon after getting married, she would quickly decline watching the Sunday football game to do her own thing. While courting, the man would go to the mall with his girlfriend because he was just happy to be around her. However, in marriage, he promptly declines the Saturday excursion to instead stay home. It is not uncommon for early passion to blur the reality of the person one is going to marry, and couples should be aware of this.

Whether this happens or not, it is important for couples to find activities they enjoy together, to help maintain and increase intimacy. Christ went everywhere with his infant church, the disciples, and shared everything with them (cf. Matt 17:1John 15:15). To protect our marriages and help them grow, it is wise to think about and plan for activities that can be enjoyed together as well as setting weekly or monthly dates to share these things. “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5).

Of course, many times husbands and wives will simply not enjoy the same activities. This is normal. However, out of love for their spouse, they should participate in many of the activities their spouse enjoys. The wife should occasionally watch the football game, and the husband should occasionally watch the romantic comedy. Out of love, we should serve our mate, and one of the greatest ways to do this is by doing something he or she enjoys. This will enrich the friendship.

4. Couples should establish a weekly date night to cultivate their friendship.

In addition, a wise practice for couples is to establish a weekly date night. Choose a convenient night of the week to go out and do something special. Guard this night from the rigors of busyness, and when unforeseen circumstances do not allow it, always reschedule. Date night does not have to be expensive or even cost money; the most important aspect of it is spending uninterrupted time together.

One of the great realities of marriage is that it will take a lifetime to truly know your spouse since he or she is always growing and changing. Therefore, as a discipline, wisely plan to cultivate the intimacy of friendship in marriage.

Intimacy in Sex

Next, couples must cultivate intimacy through sex. God meant sex to be a powerful means of increasing intimacy in marriage. In fact, it has often been called the “litmus test” of marriage. Couples who are angry with one another will eat together, go to the movies together, and church together but most likely will not have sex together. Sex is a gauge for a couple’s intimacy and, also, how a couple increases it.

If a married couple finds themselves going weeks without sex, it may be a good time to evaluate the relationship. “Are my spouse and I alright?” “Am I meeting his/her needs?”

In considering sex, it is also important to consider Satan’s tactics in that area of marriage. While unmarried, his energy focuses on tempting couples towards premarital sex, but in marriage, his energy focuses on tempting them to not have sex. Young married couples will often find this a paradox since their passion was hard to contain before marriage. But in the marriage union, sexual intimacy tends to become dry and stagnant. Satan wants to hinder a married couple’s intimacy through a lack of sex. We will consider Satan’s work more later in this session.

For now, let’s consider God’s purposes for sex.

1. God’s purpose for sex is as a means of unity and intimacy in marriage.

Genesis 2:24 says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” When the narrator said the man and woman become “one flesh,” he was referring directly to sex. This is supported by the fact that 1 Corinthian 6:16 says a man who has sex with a harlot becomes “one flesh” with her. The sexual act was meant to be a symbol of unity and intimacy in marriage and how a couple cultivated them.

In fact, sex was used to picture God’s intimacy and covenant with the nation of Israel. Ezekiel 16:8 says:

Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.

God took Israel as his wife, as a husband took his virgin wife to himself. God meant sex in marriage to symbolize the most intimate relationship in the world, our relationship with him. It is a powerful union. It is both a symbol of unity and intimacy and the means of how a married couple grows in them.

2. God’s purpose for sex is as a means of procreation.

As mentioned in session one, God desires for couples to birth and raise godly seed. Consider these verses:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.
Genesis 1:27-38

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
Malachi 2:15

3. God’s purpose for sex is as a means of enjoyment and pleasure.

Consider these verses:

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.
Song of Songs 7:6-12

Couples are meant to enjoy their spouse through sex. In a very real way, sex is a celebration of the relationship, a way to express pleasure in one another.

4. God’s purpose in sex is as a means of serving one’s spouse.

In 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, Paul said:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Paul taught the wife must give her husband the right of ownership of her body, and the husband must do the same (v. 4). They should not withhold sex as a weapon to get their way or to punish their mate. Paul explicitly said to not “deprive each other” except temporarily by “mutual consent” for spiritual reasons (v. 5).

When I got married, I received counsel about sex from a godly man. He said when he first got married, he and his wife made an agreement. When angry or when one didn’t desire to have sex, one would still offer oneself to the other as Scripture teaches. He or she would say to the other, “I may not feel like it now, but if you will take me like this, I want to serve you.” Married couples must learn to view sex as a ministry to one another and commit to always be available to fulfill their mate’s need.

Sadly, sex in marriage is often about fulfilling one’s lust or reaching one’s own climax instead of serving. Consequently, a spouse can still feel used and/or unsatisfied sexually in marriage. However, this was never God’s plan. Philippians 2:3-4 says this:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

In sex, as with every relationship, nothing should be done out of selfish motivation but primarily to serve the interests of the other. In sex, the husband’s goal should be his wife’s pleasure, and the wife’s goal should be her husband’s pleasure.

How does this work when spouses have different libidos? In most marriages, one spouse desires sex more than the other. Because God’s plan for sex in marriage is for each spouse to seek the pleasure of the other, this means that one spouse will have sex more than desired, and the other will have less than desired. Each should continually seek to serve the interest of the other within the sexual relationship.

Obviously, no one should feel forced, but if a spouse is lacking desire to serve his/her mate, the spouse should pray and ask God for grace to serve. In fact, it is a wise practice for mates to continually pray to serve their mate better in the sexual union. By serving their mate, they are honoring God and his design for marriage.

Moreover, couples should minister to one another sexually with the understanding that there is grace available (cf. James 4:6Gal 5:22-23John 15:5). God desires to give couples grace to love, to serve, and to bless their sexual union because this is his will for marriage. Each couple should regularly petition God for his anointing over their union.

5. God’s purpose for sex is as a means of protection from sexual immorality and other temptations.

First Corinthians 7:1-2 says, “Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”

Paul taught that marriage, and sex in marriage, was meant to protect couples from temptations towards sexual immorality. In fact, Paul added this:

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:5

When couples do not practice consistency in sex, it allows Satan to tempt them in various ways. In what ways does Satan tempt couples for lack of sexual consistency?

Of course, he tempts them sexually through lust, pornography, adultery, etc. But there are many other temptations, such as one or both mates feeling unloved, undesired, depressed, and/or insecure. I have found this very common for wives, especially after having children. When the sexual union is not consistent, they are tempted to feel unattractive and unloved. It becomes an open door for Satan to trample the woman in marriage. With the husband, when the sexual union is inconsistent, it seems he is more prone to be tempted sexually. This might be because the husband more commonly works outside the home around members of the opposite sex. It is wise for husbands and wives to view their sexual intimacy as a necessary protection from the evil one’s schemes.

As an example, I had one friend share that when he first got married, Satan focused his attacks on the bedroom. It became a tremendous source of insecurity, fears, and discord. Many couples would say the same thing. For this reason couples must practice faithfulness in this area and view it, not only as a way to enhance their marriage, but to guard their marriage. Some churches in recent years have developed marriage campaigns where couples commit to having sex every day for a week or a month as a spiritual discipline to increase the health of marriages. This may be over the top, but the principle behind it is very biblical.

Personally, I think it is wise for couples to establish a weekly plan to practice sexual intimacy. Satan will use busyness, tiredness, children, ministry, etc., to keep couples from the blessing of sex. Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” Those who plan, plan to succeed, and those who do not plan, plan to fail.

Let me add a caution about when couples have children. The birth of children adds new challenges to a couple’s intimacy. The children stage is a tremendous blessing, but it will open more doors for Satan to attack sexual intimacy in marriage. Many times children become the focus of the marriage. In some cultures, the wife will often co-sleep with the child for years. In those scenarios, couples will have to be even more strategic. Satan is not going to stop attacking the marriage because of children. In fact, his attacks will probably increase. Therefore, Christians must be wise and strategic in how they protect the sexual union.

With all that said, what are some ways to enrich sex in marriage?

    • openly talk about it
    • set up dates for it
    • practice flirting throughout the day
    • pray about it
    • be creative
    • wisely read Christian literature about it

Christian literature can offer insights without being tasteless and irreverent. For instance, God made the woman’s body differently than the man’s. The woman’s body typically takes longer to arouse, and they are stirred more emotionally than men. In order for the husband to serve the woman, it will typically start long before entering the bedroom through touch, communication, and loving service.

In summary, sex is a celebration that God created to enrich marriage. It is where intimacy and unity are cultivated, where the miracle of procreation happens, and where pure joy is stimulated. However, it is also an area where Satan commonly attacks. Couples must guard it and cultivate it to grow in intimacy with one another.

Intimacy in the Spiritual

The final way of building intimacy is through cultivating spiritual intimacy. This may be the most neglected aspect of intimacy in marriages. People cultivate the mind and the body but often forget the spirit. Many couples in marriage, even marriages lasting over twenty years, commonly say to themselves, “There is something missing.” The spiritual aspect is often the missing link to a successful marriage.

One of the aspects that distinguish man and animal is the fact that God gave man a spirit to commune with him. It is the highest function of humanity, and when it is neglected, man, in one sense, resembles animals. They are driven simply by their basic instincts to feed, to have sex, to have security, and to have power. Mankind was meant to have a relationship with God. In the Genesis narrative, it continually shows how man walked and talked with God (cf. Gen 2:16-17, 5:24, 6:9, 13). When couples cultivate their spiritual life together, they greatly increase intimacy with one another.

What are some ways for couples to increase spiritual intimacy?

1. Couples should schedule times of seeking God through prayer and God’s Word as a family (cf. 1 Cor 7:5).

This could be done every night and/or morning, once or twice a week, or even at meal times. In general, couples should try to incorporate prayer and Scripture as much as possible, when starting the day, when driving, when eating, before going to church, before putting the children to sleep, etc. (cf. Deut 6:6-9).

2. Couples should worship with other Christians weekly.

This should be done by becoming a member of a Bible preaching church and participating in Sunday service, small groups, prayer meetings, etc. The Bible commands us to “not neglect” the gathering of one another together for the purpose of encouragement (Hebrews 10:25). With this, married couples will generally find it very enriching to develop spiritual connections with other Christian couples in the same stage of life and also with those who can help mentor them.

3. Couples should find ways of serving God and others together.

Hospitality should definitely be one avenue of serving. Hebrews 13:1-2 says: “Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Couples should open their home to bless others. However, serving should not be limited to hospitality. God may call some couples to invest in ministry to teenagers, children, neighbors, the homeless, widows, etc.

How will you cultivate your spiritual life together in marriage? Certainly, couples should not neglect their own individual devotions, worship, and gifts, but in becoming “one flesh” in marriage (Gen 2:24), they should also cultivate their spiritual life together.

Conclusion

Intimacy is a very important part of marriage. God made man a tri-unity with a body, soul, and spirit (cf. 1 Thess 5:23Heb 4:12), and each of these must be cultivated to develop intimacy in marriage. Couples do this by cultivating their friendship (soul), their sexuality (body), and their spirituality (spirit). Developing a plan to cultivate these three aspects of intimacy will greatly enrich one’s marriage.

How is God calling you to strategically develop intimacy in marriage?

Intimacy in Marriage Homework

Answer the questions, then discuss together.

1. What was new or stood out to you in this session? In what ways were you challenged or encouraged? Were there any points/thoughts that you did not agree with?

2. How would you describe intimacy and the importance of it in marriage?

3. Are there any known variables that you think could possibly detract from daily time alone with your spouse and intimate sharing (i.e. work, hobbies, personality, fear, etc.)? What intimacy killers do you and your mate have to be careful of? How will you navigate these to cultivate your friendship?

4. Write down seven activities you enjoy doing for fun. Write down seven activities your spouse enjoys doing for fun. What activities will you and your spouse do together? What activities are you willing to learn how to do or enjoy to further cultivate your friendship?

5. How will you cultivate a healthy sexual relationship to protect your marriage from the evil one’s temptations (cf. 1 Cor 7:5)? How will you keep your sex life from stagnation?

6. What will you do in marriage when you and/or your mate start to lose love for one another? Revelation 2:4-5 offers principles that can help protect and restore love in marriage. It says:

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place.

The context of this verse is Jesus speaking to the church of Ephesus who had lost passion for him. The church was excelling in many things (v. 1-3): preaching, teaching, hating false doctrine, and righteousness, but they had lost the most important thing—their first love for Christ.

Love is the most important part of our relationship with God. That is why the greatest commandment is to love God with our whole heart, mind, and soul (Matt 22:36-37). Because the church of Ephesus had lost this, Christ promised to discipline them by taking away their lampstand—their light in the community, which would ultimately destroy the church.

Similarly, love is the most important part of marriage. Therefore, the counsel Christ gave this church can be applied to restoring love in marriage. Christ called for this church to restore their love by repenting (recognizing and turning away from sin) and doing what they did when they first started to love God (maybe extensive time in the Word and prayer, church fellowship, service, etc.). This type of response to a lack of love is also needed in marriage to maintain or restore intimacy.

What type of things did you originally do when you fell in love with your spouse? How can you continually cultivate these to keep your first love or restore it?

7. After completing this session, how do you feel God is calling you to pray for your marriage? Spend some time praying.

Continue to part 9, Closing Thoughts for Marriage Bible Study.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please lead my spouse and me to develop and maintain a biblical and intimate relationship with one another. Help us to connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically according to Your design for marriage. I pray this for Christian marriages broadly. Please bless our marriages so they can bring us joy as intended and help us to serve as a light to others to draw them to You. Let Christian marriage be set apart and holy and bring glory to Your name.  Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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