Category Archives: Forgive Others / Seek Forgiveness

Pray Humbly and Wholeheartedly for Personal Repentance

For those of us who wish to truly submit to Yeshua and follow him, we must be willing to humbly admit our faults in order to change them. Yeshua provides a wonderful example of a sinful man who genuinely comes before YHWH for repentance and contrasts that with someone who is praying in a noticeably prideful manner. I encourage each of us to thoughtfully and humbly read the scripture from Luke and then come before our father in genuine humility, admitting our sins, and ask for genuine forgiveness with wholehearted commitment to repent and sin no more.

Luke 18:9-14

9And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: 10“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11“The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12‘I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ 13“But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ 14“I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

All of us remain sinful, no matter where we are in our journey. Take time to identify an area in which you need change and come before YHWH with pure motive and pure heart, privately, and ask forgiveness and ask his help with repentance. Then work consciously to change your wrong behavior and he will help you. Avoid the trap of just asking forgiveness and then continuing in your sin, without repentance and change on your part. If you refuse to change, that is not true repentance and acknowledgment that you are wrong. There is a distinction between having difficulty changing and refusing to change or not trying. Often we will need his help to change our ways as it is difficult for us.

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

A Case Study in Temptation, Sin, Punishment and Repentance

The Bible is anything but boring. There is much excitement, drama, and intrigue. We see the best, and the worst, of people. All seems to be laid bare for us to learn from as we study.

David was a great king and a man after God’s own heart, yet we see where Satan tempted him and led him into prideful sin, angering Yahweh. Following the example of Job, perhaps we must acknowledge also that God allowed Satan to tempt David in this way, perhaps to expose his pride to deal with it. Some of this is a bit of speculation.

As we read 1 Chronicles 21, we may even not fully understand why conducting a census was wrong, but clearly Joab recognized it and counseled David against it. Thus we see David knew better and ultimately made a mistake. It was not that he was acting without the knowledge that this could be displeasing to Yahweh.

1 Chronicles 21

Census Brings Pestilence

      1Then Satan stood up against Israel and moved David to number Israel. 2So David said to Joab and to the princes of the people, “Go, number Israel from Beersheba even to Dan, and bring me word that I may know their number.” 3Joab said, “May the LORD add to His people a hundred times as many as they are! But, my lord the king, are they not all my lord’s servants? Why does my lord seek this thing? Why should he be a cause of guilt to Israel?” 4Nevertheless, the king’s word prevailed against Joab. Therefore, Joab departed and went throughout all Israel, and came to Jerusalem. 5Joab gave the number of the census of all the people to David. And all Israel were 1,100,000 men who drew the sword; and Judah was 470,000 men who drew the sword. 6But he did not number Levi and Benjamin among them, for the king’s command was abhorrent to Joab.

      7God was displeased with this thing, so He struck Israel. 8David said to God, “I have sinned greatly, in that I have done this thing. But now, please take away the iniquity of Your servant, for I have done very foolishly.”

      9The LORD spoke to Gad, David’s seer, saying, 10“Go and speak to David, saying, ‘Thus says the LORD, “I offer you three things; choose for yourself one of them, which I will do to you.”’” 11So Gad came to David and said to him, “Thus says the LORD, ‘Take for yourself 12either three years of famine, or three months to be swept away before your foes, while the sword of your enemies overtakes you, or else three days of the sword of the LORD, even pestilence in the land, and the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the territory of Israel.’ Now, therefore, consider what answer I shall return to Him who sent me.” 13David said to Gad, “I am in great distress; please let me fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are very great. But do not let me fall into the hand of man.”

      14So the LORD sent a pestilence on Israel; 70,000 men of Israel fell. 15And God sent an angel to Jerusalem to destroy it; but as he was about to destroy it, the LORD saw and was sorry over the calamity, and said to the destroying angel, “It is enough; now relax your hand.” And the angel of the LORD was standing by the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 16Then David lifted up his eyes and saw the angel of the LORD standing between earth and heaven, with his drawn sword in his hand stretched out over Jerusalem. Then David and the elders, covered with sackcloth, fell on their faces. 17David said to God, “Is it not I who commanded to count the people? Indeed, I am the one who has sinned and done very wickedly, but these sheep, what have they done? O LORD my God, please let Your hand be against me and my father’s household, but not against Your people that they should be plagued.”

David’s Altar

      18Then the angel of the LORD commanded Gad to say to David, that David should go up and build an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 19So David went up at the word of Gad, which he spoke in the name of the LORD20Now Ornan turned back and saw the angel, and his four sons who were with him hid themselves. And Ornan was threshing wheat. 21As David came to Ornan, Ornan looked and saw David, and went out from the threshing floor and prostrated himself before David with his face to the ground. 22Then David said to Ornan, “Give me the site of this threshing floor, that I may build on it an altar to the LORD; for the full price you shall give it to me, that the plague may be restrained from the people.” 23Ornan said to David, “Take it for yourself; and let my lord the king do what is good in his sight. See, I will give the oxen for burnt offerings and the threshing sledges for wood and the wheat for the grain offering; I will give it all.” 24But King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price; for I will not take what is yours for the LORD, or offer a burnt offering which costs me nothing.” 25So David gave Ornan 600 shekels of gold by weight for the site. 26Then David built an altar to the LORD there and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. And he called to the LORD and He answered him with fire from heaven on the altar of burnt offering. 27The LORD commanded the angel, and he put his sword back in its sheath.

      28At that time, when David saw that the LORD had answered him on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite, he offered sacrifice there. 29For the tabernacle of the LORD, which Moses had made in the wilderness, and the altar of burnt offering were in the high place at Gibeon at that time. 30But David could not go before it to inquire of God, for he was terrified by the sword of the angel of the LORD.

We see a case study of Satan leading someone into sin, pride, ignoring the advice of counselor and friend, Yahweh angered and rebukes Israel, and we see David in full and genuine repentance followed by Yahweh’s forgiveness. It is an action packed chapter to be sure and a model for us to study on several accounts.

  • Beware of Satan and his temptations. Spiritual warfare is real. To ignore or underestimate the enemy is to set yourself up to lose battles.
  • Listen carefully to wise counsel from trusted advisors. Truly consider it and not just what you already decided that you want to do.
  • When you have sinned and recognize it, don’t deny it or try to hide it. Come clean and repent before Yahweh, asking forgiveness and mercy. Accept what judgment He decides as consequence.
  • Don’t let someone else pay for your sin. David paid for the property and sacrifices even when offered as a gift from someone else.
  • If your sin has affected others, intercede on their behalf and ask they not be punished due to your guilt.
  • Trust more in the mercy of Yahweh than the mercy of human enemies.
  • Remember that the LORD is righteous and just and He is worthy of fear and reverence. Do not fall into the trap of thinking He is ok with whatever you do and however you live just because He does not strike you down immediately. He let the census take place before bringing consequences.
  • The LORD is not harsh or bad because He punishes us. It is our own sin that is the issue. Don’t blame Him.

If you want to study more about why the census was a sin, consider the following as on perspective on it, Why was God so angry at David for taking the census_ _ GotQuestions.org.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help me to learn from this case study in temptation, spiritual warfare, sin and repentance. Help me to respect and honor who You are and what You call me to do (and not to do). Help me to draw near to You and live according to Your ways. Help me to stand firm against Satan and his temptations when they come. Amen.

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

 

Views of the Cross

I want to share a good resource available to you at AnswersInGenesis.org. I visited their Ark Encounter in Kentucky and my family truly enjoyed it. Far too many present the historical event of the great flood and the ark as if it is a fairy tale. They present a Biblical view of the historical account and provide much more engaging material as well to help provide answers for how science and history line up with, not against, the Biblical word of God. I encourage all to make the trip if they can. They have another sister exhibit about 45 minutes away near Cincinnati as well, The Creation Museum. We enjoyed both and found both educational and stimulating.

The following is material from Views of the Cross tract from Answers in Genesis. You can order printouts from them online at the link I provided above.

Views Of The Cross (views-cross-tract PDF)

Examine Your Heart

Take a sincere look at your own life. Are you like the thief on the cross who mocked Jesus and remained obstinate, refusing to trust in Jesus Christ? Perhaps you are like the soldiers at the foot of the Cross gambling for Christ’s clothes. They were too distracted by worldly desires to realize they were part of the most important event in history.

Have you been too preoccupied by the busyness and cares of this world to consider your eternal destiny? If you are like any of these individuals, don’t wait until it is too late. Be like the repentant thief who confessed his sin to Jesus, asking for mercy. Turn from your sinful ways and call out to God, asking for His forgiveness. He is ready and willing to graciously forgive all who come to Him.

“If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

For more information, visit arkencounter.com/gospel.

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

The Day Of Judgment Will Come For Each Of Us

The coming day of judgment will be difficult for those that rebel against and do not submit to YHWH now. Of course, some will face judgment when they die, before He returns and their fate is equally grave should they not have submitted to the LORD. Judgment comes for all of us. Each of us should ask ourselves, “Am I prepared? Am I preparing my children? my household?”

The LORD is ever merciful, though and the answer is quite simple. Turn to him. Repent. Consider Joel 2:12-13 below. Remember, the only way to the father is through the son, Yeshua.  (John 14:6)

Joel 2

     1Blow a trumpet in Zion,
And sound an alarm on My holy mountain!
Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble,
For the day of the LORD is coming;
Surely it is near,

      2A day of darkness and gloom,
A day of clouds and thick darkness.
As the dawn is spread over the mountains,
So there is a great and mighty people;
There has never been anything like it,
Nor will there be again after it
To the years of many generations.

      3A fire consumes before them
And behind them a flame burns.
The land is like the garden of Eden before them
But a desolate wilderness behind them,
And nothing at all escapes them.

      4Their appearance is like the appearance of horses;
And like war horses, so they run.

      5With a noise as of chariots
They leap on the tops of the mountains,
Like the crackling of a flame of fire consuming the stubble,
Like a mighty people arranged for battle.

      6Before them the people are in anguish;
All faces turn pale.

      7They run like mighty men,
They climb the wall like soldiers;
And they each march in line,
Nor do they deviate from their paths.

      8They do not crowd each other,
They march everyone in his path;
When they burst through the defenses,
They do not break ranks.

      9They rush on the city,
They run on the wall;
They climb into the houses,
They enter through the windows like a thief.

      10Before them the earth quakes,
The heavens tremble,
The sun and the moon grow dark
And the stars lose their brightness.

      11The LORD utters His voice before His army;
Surely His camp is very great,
For strong is he who carries out His word.
The day of the LORD is indeed great and very awesome,
And who can endure it?

      12“Yet even now,” declares the LORD,
“Return to Me with all your heart,
And with fasting, weeping and mourning;

      13And rend your heart and not your garments.”
Now return to the LORD your God,
For He is gracious and compassionate,
Slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness
And relenting of evil.

      14Who knows whether He will not turn and relent
And leave a blessing behind Him,
Even a grain offering and a drink offering
For the LORD your God?

      15Blow a trumpet in Zion,
Consecrate a fast, proclaim a solemn assembly,

      16Gather the people, sanctify the congregation,
Assemble the elders,
Gather the children and the nursing infants.
Let the bridegroom come out of his room
And the bride out of her bridal chamber.

      17Let the priests, the LORD’S ministers,
Weep between the porch and the altar,
And let them say, “Spare Your people, O LORD,
And do not make Your inheritance a reproach,
A byword among the nations.
Why should they among the peoples say,
‘Where is their God?’”

Deliverance Promised

18Then the LORD will be zealous for His land
And will have pity on His people.

      19The LORD will answer and say to His people,
“Behold, I am going to send you grain, new wine and oil,
And you will be satisfied in full with them;
And I will never again make you a reproach among the nations.

      20“But I will remove the northern army far from you,
And I will drive it into a parched and desolate land,
And its vanguard into the eastern sea,
And its rear guard into the western sea.
And its stench will arise and its foul smell will come up,
For it has done great things.”

      21Do not fear, O land, rejoice and be glad,
For the LORD has done great things.

      22Do not fear, beasts of the field,
For the pastures of the wilderness have turned green,
For the tree has borne its fruit,
The fig tree and the vine have yielded in full.

      23So rejoice, O sons of Zion,
And be glad in the LORD your God;
For He has given you the early rain for your vindication.
And He has poured down for you the rain,
The early and latter rain as before.

      24The threshing floors will be full of grain,
And the vats will overflow with the new wine and oil.

      25“Then I will make up to you for the years
That the swarming locust has eaten,
The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.

      26“You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied
And praise the name of the LORD your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
Then My people will never be put to shame.

      27“Thus you will know that I am in the midst of Israel,
And that I am the LORD your God,
And there is no other;
And My people will never be put to shame.

The Promise of the Spirit

28“It will come about after this
That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind;
And your sons and daughters will prophesy,
Your old men will dream dreams,
Your young men will see visions.

      29“Even on the male and female servants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days.

The Day of the LORD

30“I will display wonders in the sky and on the earth,
Blood, fire and columns of smoke.

      31“The sun will be turned into darkness
And the moon into blood
Before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes.

      32“And it will come about that whoever calls on the name of the LORD
Will be delivered;
For on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem
There will be those who escape,
As the LORD has said,
Even among the survivors whom the LORD calls.

There is so much more in Joel 2 than just the message of repentance and the LORD’s mercy and forgiveness or His judgment and justice. There is the promise of the Holy Spirit coming to mankind and then also the coming of the LORD in judgment that follows. This is truly a prophetic scripture that is worth reflecting on and rereading multiple times.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please open my eyes to all that Your scriptures entail and help me understand how it should lead and guide my life. Thank You for the Spirit. Thank You for mercy and grace. Thank You for Yeshua who died so I would have a path to redemption and reconciliation with You. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Treat Others How You Want Yahweh to Treat You

The book of Mark is like a highlight reel. There is a lot packed in each chapter and not all of it has a lot of background context. Fortunately, if we are willing to invest a bit of time, we can cross reference with the other gospels and help to ensure we understand more completely.

Yeshua warned His disciples that the standard of measure they would use, is what our Father will use to judge them. Keep this in mind when reading Luke 6. If we first read Luke 6 strictly from the perspective of how we should treat others, we may tend to think that it is a very high bar and maybe find it a it tough to wrap our minds around. I get a slightly different perspective when I read it from the perspective of this is how I would like others to treat me, including my heavenly Father!

We are to engage others using a very challenging and selfless standard and in turn trust that the LORD will have mercy and grace on us accordingly.

Mark 4:24

 24And He was saying to them, “Take care what you listen to. By your standard of measure it will be measured to you; and more will be given you besides.

Luke 6:27-38

    27“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29“Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. 30“Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. 31“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. 32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33“If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34“If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

      37“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. 38“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”

The closing line says it all… we are to treat others by the same standard we wish for God to use in His relationship with us and also how we would like others to treat us. Take time to dwell on that and truly allow yourself the humility to accept where you are not living up to the right standard. I have quite a bit of room to grow in this area. There is more grace and mercy I can pour out to others in my relationship with them… more love… more giving. I pray the Holy Spirit helps me and I know He will, because He always does. Praise God He is so compassionate and loving and filled with mercy and grace in His relationship with me. Let me be so to others.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please lead me in how I treat others. Help me to be selfless and filled with mercy, compassion, and grace. Thank You for the mercy, compassion, and grace You have for me and others. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Feeling Remorse and Selective Obedience

We are going to explore two aspects of the historical account in Matthew 27. There is a difference between feeling remorse and asking God for forgiveness. Second, selective obedience to the laws of God.

It is interesting to reflect on the remorse of Judas and the reaction of the chief priests after they had taken Yeshua into custody. Judas felt remorse when he heard Yeshua had been condemned. What did He think was going to happen when He turned Yeshua in? The chief priests hear that Judas declares Yeshua innocent, and they don’t care a bit, but they turn to the law and refuse to put the money back in the temple treasury. They have clearly twisted their thoughts in a knot with a decision to convict Yeshua before any facts were assessed. They rationalize executing an innocent man as if it is not murder, but then refuse to break a much less significant law.

Matthew 27:1-10

Judas’s Remorse

      1Now when morning came, all the chief priests and the elders of the people conferred together against Jesus to put Him to death; 2and they bound Him, and led Him away and delivered Him to Pilate the governor.

      3Then when Judas, who had betrayed Him, saw that He had been condemned, he felt remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 4saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” But they said, “What is that to us? See to that yourself!” 5And he threw the pieces of silver into the temple sanctuary and departed; and he went away and hanged himself. 6The chief priests took the pieces of silver and said, “It is not lawful to put them into the temple treasury, since it is the price of blood.” 7And they conferred together and with the money bought the Potter’s Field as a burial place for strangers. 8For this reason that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day. 9Then that which was spoken through Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: “AND THEY TOOK THE THIRTY PIECES OF SILVERTHE PRICE OF THE ONE WHOSE PRICE HAD BEEN SET by the sons of Israel; 10AND THEY GAVE THEM FOR THE POTTERS FIELDAS THE LORD DIRECTED ME.”

Notice that Judas did not repent. He did not turn to God and ask forgiveness. He simply felt guilty for what he had done. This is a very important distinction. One we should all heed carefully. If we do wrong, it is not enough to feel bad and try to fix it. We must turn to God and ask forgiveness and submit to Him.

As for the behavior of the chief priests, we must be on guard that we don’t get so focused on a certain outcome that we lose track of what is righteous and what is wicked. It is no good to reject God’s ways to accomplish what we want (e.g. murder of Yeshua in this case), and then to carefully cling to other laws and instructions as if we are righteous. We must serve Him fully, and with emphasis on the more important commands to be sure. Perhaps a silly comparison would be if a man’s son would avoid taking a cookie from a cookie jar without permission, but then steal $100 from his wallet or beat up the little boy next door. That is not righteousness.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please lead me in righteousness. Help me stay fully submitted to You. Let me not get blinded by what I want, but faithfully serve You in what You want. When I sin, help me turn to You and ask forgiveness. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Foundation 5: Conflict Resolution in Marriage

This is part 5 of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 4: Communication in Marriage.)

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 5. Foundation Five: Conflict Resolution in Marriage | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 5. Foundation Five_ Conflict Resolution In Marriage _ Bible.org

How should couples resolve conflict in marriage?

Conflict is, essentially, part of human nature. After Adam sinned in the Garden, conflict ensued. When God asked him if he had eaten of the forbidden tree, he did not simply say, “Yes.” He said, “The woman you gave me, gave me the fruit and I did eat.” He indirectly blamed God and directly blamed the woman. The woman then blamed the serpent. When sin entered the world, so did conflict. In fact, God said that one of the results of sin would be conflict between the man and the woman. The wife would desire to control the husband and the husband would try to dominate the woman by force (Gen 3:16).

As we go throughout the biblical narrative, we continually see the fruit of sin displayed in conflict. In Genesis 4, Cain killed his brother Abel. In the same chapter, Cain’s son, Lamech, killed another man and boasted about it. In Genesis 6, the world was full of “violence,” and God decided to wipe out its inhabitants through the flood. However, the flood didn’t change the nature of man, and therefore, conflict has continued throughout history. The world has known no time without war or conflict, and unfortunately, marriages are not exempt.

Paul taught that one of the fruits of the flesh, our sin nature, is “discord” (Gal 5:20). We are prone to offend others, to be offended, to hate, to withhold forgiveness, and to divide. Sadly, all these fruits are prone to blossom within the marriage union. Couples should be aware of this, and therefore, prepare to resolve conflict in marriage. How should couples resolve conflict in marriage?

In Conflict, We Must Have the Right Attitude

The first principle necessary to resolve conflict is to have the right attitude—one of joyful expectation in God. It is good to remember that conflict does not necessarily have to be detrimental to a marriage relationship. Conflict, as with all trials, is meant to test our faith, reveal sin in our hearts, develop character, and draw us closer to God (cf. Rom 5:3-5Jam 1:2-4). Paul said this: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). Similarly, James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2-3). Paul said that we should rejoice in sufferings, and James said we should consider it “pure joy” when we encounter them because of God’s purposes in them. God does not waste suffering, including conflict within marriage. God uses conflict to make us grow into the image of Christ (cf. Rom 8:28-29), which should be our ultimate goal.

Many times God uses our spouse as sand paper to smooth out areas in our life that don’t reflect Christ. It has often been said, “Marriage is not about happiness; it is about holiness. And when we are holy, then we will truly be happy.” In marriage, we enter the ultimate accountability relationship, which is meant to help us grow as God’s children (cf. Eph 5:25-27).

Therefore, as James taught (James 1:2) and Paul taught (Rom 5:3), we should encounter marital conflict (and all trials) with joyful expectation, not because we enjoy suffering, but because we know God’s purposes in it. We worship a God who took the worst sin that ever happened in the world, the murder of his Son, and made it the best thing. It is for this reason that we can have a joyful expectation, even in conflict. This isn’t a denial of pain. It is both a recognition of pain and a future hope. It is like a mother giving birth. Even in the midst of pain, there is a joyful expectation. Many couples, who have gone through very difficult conflict, developed some of the strongest marriages—marriages used to counsel and repair others.

What is your attitude when you encounter conflict with your mate? If we don’t have the right attitude, if we are angry at our mate and angry at God, if we are depressed, bitter, and disillusioned, then it will negatively affect our behavior and our spouse, and therefore, reap harmful consequences in marriage. Conflict is really just an opportunity to grow, and we should view it that way.

What is your attitude during conflict? Do you have a joyful expectation of the work that God wants to do? Do you expect him to make you holier? Do you expect him to strengthen your capacity to love? That’s how Scripture tells us to view all trials.

In Conflict, We Must Develop Perseverance

In continuing with what Paul and James taught about trials, both taught that trials produce perseverance. Paul then said perseverance produces character and character hope (Rom 5:3-4). James said that we should “let perseverance finish its work so that we can become mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:3-4, NIV 2011). In marital conflict, we must develop perseverance so we can produce the fruits God wants to cultivate in our marriage.

This is difficult because the natural response to trials and conflict is to bail or quit. And that’s what many couples do. At some point they say, “That’s enough; I can’t live like this” and they quit. Some do this by divorcing, others by distancing themselves emotionally and physically, as they stop working to fix the marriage. However, Scripture teaches us to persevere in trials, which includes conflict. The word means to “bear up under a heavy weight.” God matures us individually and corporately as we bear up under the heavy weight. He teaches us to trust him more. He helps us develop peace, patience, and joy, regardless of our circumstances. He helps us grow in character as we “let perseverance finish its work.”

In order to resolve conflict, we must develop perseverance. That’s essentially what we promised to do in our wedding vows. We committed to love our spouse in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. We should be thankful when it is “better” and persevere when it is “worse”. For those who do, there is fruit. Paul said, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

Do you feel like quitting? Hold on, because God has a harvest for you if you don’t quit.

In Conflict, We Must Sow Good Seeds

Not only must we have the right attitude when encountering conflict, but we also must sow the right seeds to resolve it. Paul said that whatever we sow, we will also reap (Gal 6:7). Sowing and reaping is a principle God set throughout the earth, and it is at work within every marriage as well. If we sow negative seeds, we will reap negative fruit. It we sow positive seeds, we will reap positive fruit.

Sadly, even though we all want a positive harvest in our marriage, we typically respond in ways that are counter to that. A wife wants her husband to spend more time with her, but in order to get that, she criticizes him. The fruit she desires is opposite of the seed she is sowing. The seed of criticism will only produce a negative fruit in her husband. Similarly, a husband, who wants intimacy with his wife, actually begins to withdraw from her. He withdraws hoping that this will draw her closer, but it actually does the opposite. The negative seed of withdrawing cannot produce the positive fruit of intimacy.

In conflict, we must do the opposite of what our nature desires. We may have a desire to raise our voice, and/or to hurt the other person, but these seeds will only produce negative fruits and potentially destruction in the marriage. To resolve conflict, we must always sow the right seeds.

Similarly, consider what Paul taught about how we should respond to an enemy. He said:

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:19-21

Paul taught that in response to an enemy, we must overcome evil with good. Instead of responding with anger or seeking revenge, we should sow kindness and generosity. If he is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Instead of being overcome by evil, we must overcome evil by continually sowing good.

What good seeds can we sow while we are in conflict? Maybe, it could be the good seed of a listening ear. It could be the seed of affirmation. It could be the seed of service. Certainly, it must be the seed of unconditional love. In conflict, we must sow good seeds to reap a good harvest.

With that said, we must always remember that conflict resolution is very much like farming. Sometimes, it may take months or years to get the harvest we desire. Many become discouraged while waiting for their spouse to change or for the conflict to be resolved. Typically, in that discouragement, people start to sow negative seeds that only hinder the harvest they seek. A verse worth repeating while considering conflict resolution is, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). We must not only sow good seeds, but we must faithfully do it until God brings the harvest. We plant and water, but only God makes the seed grow in his time (cf. 1 Cor 3:6-7).

What type of negative seeds do you have a tendency to sow when in conflict? How is God calling you to sow positive seeds to reap a positive harvest?

In Conflict, We Must Talk to Our Spouse First Before Others

Another important principle to apply in conflict is talking to our spouse first before talking to anybody else. This is a principle that Christ taught about dealing with sin in general. In Matthew 18:15 he said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

This is important for several reasons. First, it shows respect for our spouse. It is disrespectful to discuss a problem with our mom, our friend, or anybody else not first discussed with our spouse. If our spouse finds out, it may actually cause more conflict. Secondly, every story has two sides, and those who are closest to us (such as family and friends) may not have the ability to give us unbiased counsel. Even for myself, as a pastoral counselor, I have to work really hard to not jump to conclusions after hearing only one side of the story. This does not mean that we shouldn’t talk to those closest to us, we should, but only after trying to resolve it with our spouse first. And when we do talk to others, we should still respect and honor our spouse.

Christ taught that when somebody sins against us, we should go to that person first (Matt 18:15). Many couples increase their conflict by bringing others in without first seeking to resolve it with their spouse alone.

In Conflict, We Must Seek Wise Counselors

Though this point may seem like it contradicts the previous one, it doesn’t. Christ taught that we should confront a person in sin one on one, and if they don’t respond, then invite others into the process, including the church. Matthew 18:16-17 says this:

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Though this was originally spoken about a brother in sin, it certainly applies to sin or conflict within marriage. God made us part of the body of Christ, which includes our marriage. When a natural body is sick, it often results in fever. In a fever, the body simply recruits itself to bring healing. In the same way, a Christian marriage needs the body’s help to stay healthy. Marriages should always operate as a part of the body of Christ, but in times of difficulty, they need the body’s help even more.

For many, this is countercultural. While in serious conflict, many couples hesitate to invite anybody into their marriage to help. Pride keeps them from exposing themselves and getting the help they need. This is actually another result of the Fall. When Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden tree, they looked at one another, saw their nakedness, and hid. They then put on fig leaves. At the Fall, humanity lost its intended transparency. We hide from one another; we put on a fake smile even when things are bad. We hide behind our clothes, our houses, our jobs, and our hobbies. We are deathly afraid of people knowing us: our insecurities and our problems. We even hide from God, as Adam and Eve did.

However, in order to build the healthy marriage God meant for us, we must be willing to expose ourselves and seek help. In Matthew 18, Christ said that if approaching the person in sin does not work, we should bring one or two others for accountability. If that doesn’t help, invite the church. And if that doesn’t help, the church should lovingly discipline the erring mate. This is difficult, but if we are followers of Christ, we must trust he knows best. God wants to use other godly people to speak into our marriage and sharpen it as iron sharpens iron (Prov 27:17).

Who would you invite to help your marriage? They should be wise people who can understand you, and who are walking with Christ—preferably a married couple. Solomon said: “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure” (Prov 11:14).

Every president or king selects a cabinet with many advisers. The cabinet advises the president on foreign policy, educational reform, health care, etc., and this multitude of counselors helps bring victory. In the same way, a marriage needs a multitude of counselors, especially when in conflict. Yes, a couple should try to resolve the problem together first, but after that, they should seek help.

This should be considered even before getting married. Who will be your “many advisers” that make victory sure? It could be your parents, a wise couple in the church, your pastor, your small group leader, etc. The selection of these wise counselors takes great wisdom because all counselors are not created equal. These counselors should primarily use the Bible, as Scripture is sufficient to train us in all righteousness. Second Timothy 3:16-17 says this:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

God’s Word is useful to train and equip us for every good work, which includes marriage. Those who disregard Scripture, do it to their own peril and that of their marriage.

In finding counselors, ideally, the couple would agree on whom to approach. But at times when one mate doesn’t want help, the other mate may still need to seek help in obedience to Christ’s teaching in Matthew 18. This is how Christ intended his church to function. Not only should we depend on God, but we should depend on one another. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you” (1 Cor 12:21). By not using the body, we spiritually impoverish ourselves. Independent couples may spend their entire marriage spiritually sick, or even worse, the marriage may end in divorce.

Who are your wise counselors who help you achieve victory? Have you and your mate considered this question? Are you willing to allow the church to be involved in your marriage as Christ desires?

In Conflict, We Must Immediately Seek Resolution

Another important principle that must be applied in marriage is to seek to resolve conflict as soon as possible. Both mates should agree to this principle early in the relationship. Paul said in Ephesians 4:26-27: ”In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Paul says to get rid of anger before the day is over, because if we don’t, it will give Satan a foothold. What does this mean? “Foothold” is war terminology. It means that unforgiveness and anger will give Satan a door to continually attack a person or a relationship.

We learn more about this from the Parable of the Merciless Servant in Matthew 18:23-35. In this story, a servant owed his master a great amount of money, so he begged for mercy. The master forgave him the entire debt. However, this servant had a fellow servant who owed him a smaller debt. The servant with the debt pleaded for mercy, but the servant, who had been forgiven, instead threw him in prison. When the master heard about this, he became very angry and tossed the servant, whom he had previously forgiven, into prison to be tortured by the jailors. Listen to what Christ said to his disciples about this parable: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).

Christ said to the disciples that if they didn’t forgive others from the heart, God would do the same to them. Who are these torturers? No doubt, they refer to Satan and his demons (cf. 1 Sam 16:14, 1 Cor 5:5, 1 Tim 1:20). This is the consequence for harboring anger and unforgiveness towards others. If God has forgiven us of every sin we committed and will commit, how can we justifiably hold grudges against others, especially our spouse? When we choose to hold anger and bitterness, God hands us over to the enemy for discipline.

For many couples, because of their disobedience to God in holding bitterness and anger, their marriage has become a playground for the enemy. He lies to them; he accuses them. He tempts them to go outside of the marriage, and he also may bring sickness and other types of consequences for their rebellion (cf. Lk 13:11-16Job 2:4-7).

To make this situation even worse, Scripture says when we are walking in unforgiveness, God will not forgive us (Matt 6:15) and he won’t hear our prayers. Peter called for husbands to be considerate of their wives and to treat them with respect so that nothing would hinder their prayers (1 Peter 3:7). A marriage where the mates hold bitterness and anger towards one another is a marriage where prayer is powerless, which opens a greater door for the enemy to attack and bring destruction.

When in conflict, we must seek resolution immediately. Certainly, we can’t force somebody to forgive us or to desire to work things out. However, we can do as much as possible to live at peace with someone. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Are you holding a grudge against your mate? How is God calling you to seek resolution?

In Conflict, We Must Be Willing to Sacrifice

Intrinsic to the Christian life is sacrifice. We follow a Savior who left heaven and all the worship offered to him there to come to earth as a servant and die for the sins of the world. True followers of Christ should be known by sacrifice. In fact, Christ said that one could not be his disciple without taking up his cross daily (Lk 9:23). This life of a sacrifice should be especially displayed when in conflict. Paul said this to the Philippian church who was struggling with an internal conflict (cf. Phil 4:1-3):

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Philippians 2:3-5

In the context of a call to unity (cf. Phil 2:1-2), Paul said the Philippians should “do nothing out of selfish ambition”. The primary reason couples struggle with discord is because of selfishness. One person wants this, while the other wants that. However, Paul said to do nothing out of selfish ambition. In conflict, one must ask, “Is this desire something God wants, as displayed in his Word, or is this my preference?” Most conflicts are over selfish preferences instead of over something that genuinely matters, such as loving God and loving others, the two greatest commandments (cf. Matt 22:36-40).

Instead of being driven by self, Paul said to “in humility” consider others better than ourselves and to seek the interest of others. In conflict, one must ask, “How can I seek my spouse’s betterment or desires over mine?” Essentially, Paul was calling the Philippian church to live a life of sacrifice in order to be unified (v. 2). This sacrifice was further magnified when he said, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (v. 5). In the rest of the text, he described how Christ gave up his rights as God, took the form of a servant, died on the cross, and how God exalted him for his sacrifice (v. 6-9). This is the mind that should be in Christians, helping them to walk in unity with their brothers and sisters. And this is the mind that should be seen in every marriage, enabling them to walk in unity instead of discord (cf. Eph 5:25).

Christian couples should resolve their conflicts by caring more for their spouse’s desires than their own. They should humble themselves even as Christ did. He gave up his comfort and his rights to serve us.

How is God calling you to sacrifice in order to resolve conflict or a potential conflict in marriage? Is he calling you to give up a friendship that is a bad influence or causes discord? Is he calling you to help more around the house, to care more for the kids, to start participating in something your spouse enjoys but you don’t, to spend more time with your spouse instead of doing something else? How can you demonstrate Christ’s sacrifice in your marriage? Sacrifice is the secret to resolving conflict, while selfishness is the catalyst of conflict.

In Conflict, We Must Love Our Spouse Deeply and Cover His or Her Sins

Finally, when in conflict, we must love our spouse and cover his or her sins. First Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” The Greek word for “deeply” is an athletic word used of muscles stretching or straining.

This is a rich word-picture of our love during conflict. In the same way a muscle must be strained and stretched to develop and become stronger, God often strengthens our love through conflict and difficulty with our spouse. Even though this stretching hurts, it actually results in a greater capacity to love. Therefore, couples, who deeply love and cover one another’s sins while in conflict, gain the ability to love more deeply. Certainly, this must be an encouragement as we stretch our love to cover our spouse’s sins while in conflict.

Stretching our love will often mean overlooking and forgetting the failures of our spouse. First Corinthians 13:5 says love “keeps no record of wrongs.” God will call us to not even bring up some issues. While others, he will call us to firmly speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15) and work towards a resolution, especially when it involves sin.

How is God calling you to love your spouse deeply and cover his or her sins in order to resolve conflict?

Conclusion

Because sin became part of the human nature in the Fall, we are prone to conflict, even conflict with those we love most. For that reason, we must wisely prepare for conflict because it will happen in the marriage union. We can resolve conflict by:

    1. Having the right attitude: one of joyful expectation, instead of wrong attitudes.
    2. Developing perseverance instead of quitting physically or emotionally.
    3. Sowing good seeds to produce a harvest of righteousness in our marriage.
    4. Talking to our spouse first before talking with others.
    5. Seeking wise counselors to help us navigate conflict.
    6. Seeking to resolve conflict immediately to prevent opening a door for the devil.
    7. Sacrificing our rights and desires for our spouse.
    8. Loving our spouse deeply and covering his or her sin.

Conflict Resolution in Marriage Homework

Answer the questions, then discuss together.

1. What was new or stood out to you in this session? In what ways were you challenged or encouraged? Were there any points/thoughts that you did not agree with?

2. Most couples usually argue over similar topics. These are called “triggers”. This might be when the woman shops, the man watches TV, somebody doesn’t pick up after him or herself, etc.

Write down all the common triggers for arguments in your relationship. Why do you think these triggers commonly cause you or your mate to get angry?

3. In the session, we talked about not sowing negative seeds. Which negative seeds do you typically sow when in conflict (i.e. withdrawal, criticizing, complaining, seeking revenge, seeking to win arguments, etc.)? What about your spouse? How have you seen these negative seeds produce negative fruit? How can you sow positive seeds instead to reap positive fruit?

4. Solomon said in the multitude of advisers there is victory (Prov 11:14). Who would you talk to as a couple if you were having marital problems? If you were to choose a mentor couple for your marriage (someone to ask questions, to talk to about problems or successes, or even meet with regularly), who would you choose?

*Read the “Friends of the Opposite Sex?” article and answer the following questions:

5. What are your thoughts about the Chaplain’s warning to the sailors about relationships with the opposite sex?

6. How will you handle relationships with the opposite sex? What specific things will you do in order to protect your marriage from open doors?

7. Do you have any other thoughts or concerns about this issue?

8. After completing this session, how do you feel God is calling you to pray for your marriage? Spend some time praying.

Continue with Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, help us to look to Your word to lead and guide us in conflict resolution in marriage. There will be storms and conflict. Let us not turn to the wrong counselors or the ways of men for how we are to resolve conflict. Let it draw us nearer to each other and to You as we strengthen ourselves by overcoming difficulty together in a Biblical manner.  Amen.  

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

“Slow” to Anger Does Not Mean “No” to Anger

The kings of Israel continued to lead the people to sin and do evil in the sight of the LORD. The LORD was patient and made many attempts to call them back to Him. The stubbornly refused, continuing in the ways other pagan nations worship their gods and even worshipping other false gods directly. They were so far from the LORD that even when dominated by the Assyrians, there is no mention of turning to the LORD for help.

For those nations whose strength was founded in fear of the LORD, such as Israel or the United States, when they continue generation after generation turning away from the ways of God and continue to do evil in His sight there will be consequences. In 2 Kings 17 we see an example where He not only removed His hand of blessing, but actually brought Israel to defeat. We should not think of this as some old story, but realize a similar situation applies even now in the United States and we should be humbled and repent as a nation.

2 Kings 17:1-23

Hoshea Reigns over Israel

      1In the twelfth year of Ahaz king of Judah, Hoshea the son of Elah became king over Israel in Samaria, and reigned nine years. 2He did evil in the sight of the LORD, only not as the kings of Israel who were before him. 3Shalmaneser king of Assyria came up against him, and Hoshea became his servant and paid him tribute. 4But the king of Assyria found conspiracy in Hoshea, who had sent messengers to So king of Egypt and had offered no tribute to the king of Assyria, as he had done year by year; so the king of Assyria shut him up and bound him in prison.

      5Then the king of Assyria invaded the whole land and went up to Samaria and besieged it three years.

Israel Captive

     6In the ninth year of Hoshea, the king of Assyria captured Samaria and carried Israel away into exile to Assyria, and settled them in Halah and Habor, on the river of Gozan, and in the cities of the Medes.

Why Israel Fell

      7Now this came about because the sons of Israel had sinned against the LORD their God, who had brought them up from the land of Egypt from under the hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt, and they had feared other gods 8and walked in the customs of the nations whom the LORD had driven out before the sons of Israel, and in the customs of the kings of Israel which they had introduced. 9The sons of Israel did things secretly which were not right against the LORD their God. Moreover, they built for themselves high places in all their towns, from watchtower to fortified city. 10They set for themselves sacred pillars and Asherim on every high hill and under every green tree, 11and there they burned incense on all the high places as the nations did which the LORD had carried away to exile before them; and they did evil things provoking the LORD12They served idols, concerning which the LORD had said to them, “You shall not do this thing.” 13Yet the LORD warned Israel and Judah through all His prophets and every seer, saying, “Turn from your evil ways and keep My commandments, My statutes according to all the law which I commanded your fathers, and which I sent to you through My servants the prophets.” 14However, they did not listen, but stiffened their neck like their fathers, who did not believe in the LORD their God. 15They rejected His statutes and His covenant which He made with their fathers and His warnings with which He warned them. And they followed vanity and became vain, and went after the nations which surrounded them, concerning which the LORD had commanded them not to do like them. 16They forsook all the commandments of the LORD their God and made for themselves molten images, even two calves, and made an Asherah and worshiped all the host of heaven and served Baal. 17Then they made their sons and their daughters pass through the fire, and practiced divination and enchantments, and sold themselves to do evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking Him. 18So the LORD was very angry with Israel and removed them from His sight; none was left except the tribe of Judah.

      19Also Judah did not keep the commandments of the LORD their God, but walked in the customs which Israel had introduced. 20The LORD rejected all the descendants of Israel and afflicted them and gave them into the hand of plunderers, until He had cast them out of His sight.

      21When He had torn Israel from the house of David, they made Jeroboam the son of Nebat king. Then Jeroboam drove Israel away from following the LORD and made them commit a great sin. 22The sons of Israel walked in all the sins of Jeroboam which he did; they did not depart from them 23until the LORD removed Israel from His sight, as He spoke through all His servants the prophets. So Israel was carried away into exile from their own land to Assyria until this day.

The LORD can raise up an adversary to conquer or simply let our nation rot and decay from the depravity of our own minds internal to our nation. The point is that any nation that drew strength and blessing from relationship with the LORD, as I believe the USA did since its founding for many generations, should take heed if / when they turn from the Father’s ways and pursue the ways of man.

It is not much better to mix and mingle false gods with worship of Yah than to simply turn from Him completely. Both are very bad.

I hope each of us can humble ourselves and pray for our personal lives, our family, our communities, the body of Christ as a whole, and our nation. Pray for repentance and that God would lift up righteous leaders and bring down wicked godless ones, even if they acknowledge Him with their lips. We can see with their policies and actions whom they serve.

In all of this, we must remember that our true enemy is Satan, and not individual people who come against us. We fight above all else, a spiritual war and should always remember that prayer and repentance is a huge part of any strategy that will bring our nation back to the one true God. (Read more on Spiritual Warfare.)

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, you and you alone are God. There are none like you. There are none whose works are like yours. Please help me personally and help your people collectively to humble themselves, turn from our wicked ways, and pray for your forgiveness and victory. Please restore the hearts and minds of the people of our nation to you and away from the paths of wickedness. Lift up righteous leaders and protect them with your right hand. Bring forth restoration and revival and a complete purge of wickedness and false teaching from our nation and most certainly from those who claim to follow you. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.