Category Archives: Sin

We Will Each Face Judgment – Do You Want Grace or That Which You Deserve?

The judgment of God is a very real thing we will each face. The unrepentant sinner will receive his due. He will receive the punishment he deserves. Those who have repented and received forgiveness through Yeshua will experience grace in receiving the good things they did not deserve. This is a constant message through scripture. Do not disregard it. There is hope and peace on one side, through Yeshua, and reason to fear for those who refuse Yeshua’s offer of forgiveness.

Isaiah 33

The Judgment of God

1Woe to you, O destroyer,
While you were not destroyed;
And he who is treacherous, while others did not deal treacherously with him.
As soon as you finish destroying, you will be destroyed;
As soon as you cease to deal treacherously, others will deal treacherously with you.

      2O LORD, be gracious to us; we have waited for You.
Be their strength every morning,
Our salvation also in the time of distress.

      3At the sound of the tumult peoples flee;
At the lifting up of Yourself nations disperse.

      4Your spoil is gathered as the caterpillar gathers;
As locusts rushing about men rush about on it.

      5The LORD is exalted, for He dwells on high;
He has filled Zion with justice and righteousness.

      6And He will be the stability of your times,
A wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge;
The fear of the LORD is his treasure.

      7Behold, their brave men cry in the streets,
The ambassadors of peace weep bitterly.

      8The highways are desolate, the traveler has ceased,
He has broken the covenant, he has despised the cities,
He has no regard for man.

      9The land mourns and pines away,
Lebanon is shamed and withers;
Sharon is like a desert plain,
And Bashan and Carmel lose their foliage.

      10“Now I will arise,” says the LORD,
“Now I will be exalted, now I will be lifted up.

      11“You have conceived chaff, you will give birth to stubble;
My breath will consume you like a fire.

      12“The peoples will be burned to lime,
Like cut thorns which are burned in the fire.

      13“You who are far away, hear what I have done;
And you who are near, acknowledge My might.”

      14Sinners in Zion are terrified;
Trembling has seized the godless.
“Who among us can live with the consuming fire?
Who among us can live with continual burning?”

      15He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity,
He who rejects unjust gain
And shakes his hands so that they hold no bribe;
He who stops his ears from hearing about bloodshed
And shuts his eyes from looking upon evil;

      16He will dwell on the heights,
His refuge will be the impregnable rock;
His bread will be given him,
His water will be sure.

      17Your eyes will see the King in His beauty;
They will behold a far-distant land.

      18Your heart will meditate on terror:
“Where is he who counts?
Where is he who weighs?
Where is he who counts the towers?”

      19You will no longer see a fierce people,
A people of unintelligible speech which no one comprehends,
Of a stammering tongue which no one understands.

      20Look upon Zion, the city of our appointed feasts;
Your eyes will see Jerusalem, an undisturbed habitation,
A tent which will not be folded;
Its stakes will never be pulled up,
Nor any of its cords be torn apart.

      21But there the majestic One, the LORD, will be for us
A place of rivers and wide canals
On which no boat with oars will go,
And on which no mighty ship will pass—

      22For the LORD is our judge,
The LORD is our lawgiver,
The LORD is our king;
He will save us—

      23Your tackle hangs slack;
It cannot hold the base of its mast firmly,
Nor spread out the sail.
Then the prey of an abundant spoil will be divided;
The lame will take the plunder.

      24And no resident will say, “I am sick”;
The people who dwell there will be forgiven their iniquity.

Please take a few minutes and prayerfully reflect before God. Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Don’t blame God as “harsh” if He has made a way to receive forgiveness by grace through faith and you just refuse to accept His offer.  That responsibility lies solely with you.

Shalom. Devotion by John in service to Christ

Pray for an End to Abortion

The leading cause of death around the world is not disease or famine… it is murder. Worse yet, it is legalized murder. People worldwide have convinced themselves that killing unborn children is somehow acceptable. The World Health Organization actually tracks the number of abortions globally but does not even count them among the death statistics they also track! People around the world ignore God’s word and scientific evidence that is widely available today in this dangerous rationalization of wrong behavior.

In most cases, abortion is simply ending the life of one who is defenseless in order to make the mother’s life more comfortable or convenient or allow the father to avoid responsibility.  Yes, there are extreme pressures involved… but it is still a life. We should treat the unborn no worse than newborn babies. They should not have a lesser standard of protection and care.

Brothers and sisters, come with me before God in prayer and repentance for our nations and the world. Every day worldwide more than 120,000 unborn children are being killed by someone performing an abortion. That is an astonishing rate of 40-50 million children being killed this way each year. The numbers are astounding even compared to what we generally consider the truly terrible events in history, like Hitler’s extermination of the Jewish people in Germany during World War II. That was 6 million people in total (and it was horrible)… at the current rate of abortions, the world kills more than 6 million every two months!

God put babies in their mother’s wombs to grow so they could be safe and yet that is the leading cause of death in the world. Pray that the scales would drop from people’s eyes and they would see the truth clearly and be unable to rationalize and accept abortion.

Pray too for those who have been involved in abortions already, either in performing, encouraging, or forcing someone to participate, or the mother having an abortion. Theirs is terrible grief and sadness. Pray they would come before God with a repentant heart and be healed and forgiven. Pray they would forgive themselves too.

To learn more, review Crisis Help: Stop Abortion.

Forgiveness and healing are available to all thanks to Jesus Christ! May the grace and peace of Jesus Christ be with all of you.

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Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? If you die today, do you know for sure that you will be with God in heaven? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Our Help Is in God, Not Man

Israel turned to Egypt for help when they should have turned to God. We should pay attention in our own lives to avoid the same mistake. For us it will not be putting our trust in Egypt, but perhaps politicians, our employer or even friends. Seek help first and foremost from the LORD. Then He will show you from where He will bring help.

Isaiah 31

Help Not in Egypt but in God

1Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help
And rely on horses,
And trust in chariots because they are many
And in horsemen because they are very strong,
But they do not look to the Holy One of Israel, nor seek the LORD!

      2Yet He also is wise and will bring disaster
And does not retract His words,
But will arise against the house of evildoers
And against the help of the workers of iniquity.

      3Now the Egyptians are men and not God,
And their horses are flesh and not spirit;
So the LORD will stretch out His hand,
And he who helps will stumble
And he who is helped will fall,
And all of them will come to an end together.

      4For thus says the LORD to me,
“As the lion or the young lion growls over his prey,
Against which a band of shepherds is called out,
And he will not be terrified at their voice nor disturbed at their noise,
So will the LORD of hosts come down to wage war on Mount Zion and on its hill.”

      5Like flying birds so the LORD of hosts will protect Jerusalem.
He will protect and deliver it;
He will pass over and rescue it.

      6Return to Him from whom you have deeply defected, O sons of Israel. 7For in that day every man will cast away his silver idols and his gold idols, which your sinful hands have made for you as a sin.

      8And the Assyrian will fall by a sword not of man,
And a sword not of man will devour him.
So he will not escape the sword,
And his young men will become forced laborers.

      9“His rock will pass away because of panic,
And his princes will be terrified at the standard,”
Declares the LORD, whose fire is in Zion and whose furnace is in Jerusalem.

The people of Israel put their faith in man rather than God. This attitude creates separation and anger with God. Let us always put our trust in Him first. He shall direct our paths. Here are a few scriptures to remind ourselves that God will be with us.

  • [Joshua 1:9] 9“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
  • [Exod 33:14] And He said, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.”
  • [Deut‬ ‭31:8‬] And the Lord is the one who is going ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not desert you or abandon you. Do not fear and do not be dismayed.”
  • [Matt 28:20b] And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Neither He Who Plants Nor He Who Waters

Let us rely on God as the foundation for our lives. We are not to rely on a pastor or family member. We are not to rely on the person who helped lead us to Christ or even on the ones who help us grow in Christ. We must remain focused on Yeshua (Hebrew for Jesus) as the foundation and the only way to the Father. Neither He who plants nor He who waters is anything, but rather God causes the growth.

1 Corinthians 3

Foundations for Living

      1And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, 3for you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men? 4For when one says, “I am of Paul,” and another, “I am of Apollos,” are you not mere men?

      5What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, even as the Lord gave opportunity to each one. 6I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. 7So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth. 8Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. 9For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

      10According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. 11For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, 13each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. 14If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. 15If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

      16Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 17If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him, for the temple of God is holy, and that is what you are.

      18Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. 19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. For it is written, “He is THE ONE WHO CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR CRAFTINESS”; 20and again, “THE LORD KNOWS THE REASONINGS of the wise, THAT THEY ARE USELESS.” 21So then let no one boast in men. For all things belong to you, 22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you, 23and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.

Let no one boast in men or lay their foundation on men, even those who are righteous. Instead, belong to Christ as Christ Himself belongs to God the Father.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for sending workers for the harvest. Thank You for those who lay the foundation and for those who build upon it. Guide us in building in such a way that it will last when tested in fire. You are worthy of praise and glory and honor! Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you.

Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

 

Woe to Those Who Habitually Sin

In Isaiah 28, we get another demonstration where God speaks out against drunkenness. It is once again clear that drunkenness can distance you from God and wreck your personal life and relationships. If it becomes pervasive in a community or culture, it can wreck that as well. In this case, God Himself came against them because of their sin.

Isaiah 28:1-13

Ephraim’s Captivity Predicted

1Woe to the proud crown of the habitually drunk of Ephraim,

And to the fading flower of its glorious beauty,

Which is at the head of the [a]fertile valley

Of those who are [b]overcome with wine!

2Behold, the Lord has a strong and mighty agent;

As a storm of hail, a tempest of destruction,

Like a storm of mighty overflowing waters,

He has thrown it down to the earth with His hand.

3The splendid crown of the habitually drunk of Ephraim is trampled underfoot.

4And the fading flower of its glorious beauty,

Which is at the head of the [c]fertile valley,

Will be like the first-ripe fig prior to the summer,

Which [d]one sees,

And [e]as soon as it is in his [f]hand,

He swallows it.

5On that day the LORD of armies will become a beautiful crown

And a glorious wreath to the remnant of His people;

6A spirit of justice for him who sits in judgment,

A strength to those who repel the [g]onslaught at the gate.

7And these also reel with wine and stagger from intoxicating drink:

The priest and the prophet reel with intoxicating drink,

They are confused by wine, they stagger from intoxicating drink;

They reel while [h]having visions,

They stagger when rendering a verdict.

8For all the tables are full of filthy vomit, without a single clean place

9“To whom would He teach knowledge,

And to whom would He interpret the message?

Those just weaned from milk?

Those just taken from the breast?

10“For He says,

[i]Order on order, order on order,

Line on line, line on line,

A little here, a little there.’”

11Indeed, He will speak to this people

Through stammering lips and a foreign tongue,

12He who said to them, “This is the place of quiet, give rest to the weary,”

And, “This is the resting place,” but they would not listen.

13So the word of the LORD to them will be,

[j]Order on order, order on order,

Line on line, line on line,

A little here, a little there,”

That they may go and stumble backward, be broken, snared, and taken captive.

If a whole nation embraces drunkenness, it wrecks them. We certainly have many living with habitual drunkenness in our culture today, though not as pervasive as I read in Isaiah 28. But there are other sins as well that can overtake a nation. I think selfishness and coveting have overtaken our nation. Selfishness is the root of many arguments and poor choices. Selfishness wrecks marriages and leads to broken families. Selfishness leads to abortion and many other problems. Coveting has practically become a national pastime. There is always someone with something cooler, newer, or better and too many of us are always coveting what others have even when it is beyond what we can afford.

Be encouraged. With God all things are possible. As individuals, communities, or even a nation, we can be restored to God. Repent and turn from sin. Turn toward God and His ways. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

James 4:8 

 8Come close to God and He will come close to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you [i]double-minded. 9Be miserable, and mourn, and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning, and your joy into gloom. 10Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You that You are filled with mercy and grace and provide forgiveness through Yeshua. Thank You that Your word shows us the way we should go. Help our nation repent from sin and return to You! Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

The Wisdom of Yahweh or the Wisdom of Man?

Will you choose to follow the wisdom of man, or the wisdom of Yahweh? Today’s scripture passage could just as easily have been written today as it was thousands of years ago. It remains true to this day. Many fools think themselves wise and reject God in the name of “wisdom”. The word of the cross is truly foolishness to those who are perishing… but to those of us who are being saved, it is the power of God.

1 Corinthians 1:18-31

The Wisdom of God

      18For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

19For it is written,
“I WILL DESTROY THE WISDOM OF THE WISE,
AND THE CLEVERNESS OF THE CLEVER I WILL SET ASIDE.”

20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; 23but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, 24but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

      26For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29so that no man may boast before God. 30But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, 31so that, just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.”

This is a powerful and rather straightforward passage. Let us take heed. Do not listen to the “wisdom” the world claims to have in rejecting and mocking our Creator, but rather seek out the true wisdom of God.

25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, you are above all things. Nothing is beyond your knowledge or understanding. Thank You for giving us Your word as a light unto our path. Please guide Your people in Your wisdom and grant us discernment and courage to choose Your wisdom over that presented by the world. In Yeshua’s name, I pray. Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Trust in God’s Protection

As you read Isaiah 26, remember that the people of Israel had gone through tough times. Other nations had ruled them. They had drifted far from the LORD. There was a remnant that held tight to God. Think about the joy and praise emotionally that they were feeling when He rescued them from that and restored them! Whatever you are experiencing, you can put your faith in God and trust Him.

Rejoice in the LORD! Trust in Him for protection and sing songs to glorify Him. Praise Him.

Isaiah 26

Song of Trust in God’s Protection

      1In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah:
“We have a strong city;
He sets up walls and ramparts for security.

      2“Open the gates, that the righteous nation may enter,
The one that remains faithful.

      3“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.

      4“Trust in the LORD forever,
For in GOD the LORDwe have an everlasting Rock.

      5“For He has brought low those who dwell on high, the unassailable city;
He lays it low, He lays it low to the ground, He casts it to the dust.

      6“The foot will trample it,
The feet of the afflicted, the steps of the helpless.”

      7The way of the righteous is smooth;
O Upright One, make the path of the righteous level.

      8Indeed, while following the way of Your judgments, O LORD,
We have waited for You eagerly;
Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls.

      9At night my soul longs for You,
Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently;
For when the earth experiences Your judgments
The inhabitants of the world learn righteousness.

      10Though the wicked is shown favor,
He does not learn righteousness;
He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness,
And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD.

      11O LORD, Your hand is lifted up yet they do not see it.
They see Your zeal for the people and are put to shame;
Indeed, fire will devour Your enemies.

      12LORD, You will establish peace for us,
Since You have also performed for us all our works.

      13O LORD our God, other masters besides You have ruled us;
But through You alone we confess Your name.

      14The dead will not live, the departed spirits will not rise;
Therefore You have punished and destroyed them,
And You have wiped out all remembrance of them.

      15You have increased the nation, O LORD,
You have increased the nation, You are glorified;
You have extended all the borders of the land.

      16O LORD, they sought You in distress;
They could only whisper a prayer,
Your chastening was upon them.

      17As the pregnant woman approaches the time to give birth,
She writhes and cries out in her labor pains,
Thus were we before You, O LORD.

      18We were pregnant, we writhed in labor,
We gave birth, as it seems, only to wind.
We could not accomplish deliverance for the earth,
Nor were inhabitants of the world born.

      19Your dead will live;
Their corpses will rise.
You who lie in the dust, awake and shout for joy,
For your dew is as the dew of the dawn,
And the earth will give birth to the departed spirits.

      20Come, my people, enter into your rooms
And close your doors behind you;
Hide for a little while
Until indignation runs its course.

      21For behold, the LORD is about to come out from His place
To punish the inhabitants of the earth for their iniquity;
And the earth will reveal her bloodshed
And will no longer cover her slain.

Be encouraged! The LORD is our protector and our savior. There is nothing and nobody that is too big or too challenging for Him to handle.

I invite you to take a few minutes to pray.

Reflect on all that God has done for you. Give Him thanks and praise in a personal and specific manner. Then share with Him whatever challenges you still face and ask for His help. Put your faith in Him.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Don’t Put the Things of Man Above the Things of God

Tyre in many ways symbolized the pride of man lifted up above God. It was a grand center of trade and worldly wealth. The LORD brought humility to Tyre through its destruction.  The LORD does not like pride and does not like man glorifying himself and his accomplishments over that of God.

This applies to our lives still today, if we take heed. Do not take pride in our own accomplishments or the things of man. Instead, keep God first in our hearts.

Isaiah 23

The Fall of Tyre

1The oracle concerning Tyre.
Wail, O ships of Tarshish,
For Tyre is destroyed, without house or harbor;
It is reported to them from the land of Cyprus.

2Be silent, you inhabitants of the coastland,
You merchants of Sidon;
Your messengers crossed the sea

3And were on many waters.
The grain of the Nile, the harvest of the River was her revenue;
And she was the market of nations.

4Be ashamed, O Sidon;
For the sea speaks, the stronghold of the sea, saying,
“I have neither travailed nor given birth,
I have neither brought up young men nor reared virgins.”

5When the report reaches Egypt,
They will be in anguish at the report of Tyre.

6Pass over to Tarshish;
Wail, O inhabitants of the coastland.

7Is this your jubilant city,
Whose origin is from antiquity,
Whose feet used to carry her to colonize distant places?

8Who has planned this against Tyre, the bestower of crowns,
Whose merchants were princes, whose traders were the honored of the earth?

9The LORD of hosts has planned it, to defile the pride of all beauty,
To despise all the honored of the earth.

10Overflow your land like the Nile, O daughter of Tarshish,
There is no more restraint.

11He has stretched His hand out over the sea,
He has made the kingdoms tremble;
The LORD has given a command concerning Canaan to demolish its strongholds.

12He has said, “You shall exult no more, O crushed virgin daughter of Sidon.
Arise, pass over to Cyprus; even there you will find no rest.”

13Behold, the land of the Chaldeans—this is the people which was not; Assyria appointed it for desert creatures—they erected their siege towers, they stripped its palaces, they made it a ruin.

14Wail, O ships of Tarshish,
For your stronghold is destroyed.

15Now in that day Tyre will be forgotten for seventy years like the days of one king. At the end of seventy years it will happen to Tyre as in the song of the harlot:

16Take your harp, walk about the city,
O forgotten harlot;
Pluck the strings skillfully, sing many songs,
That you may be remembered.

17It will come about at the end of seventy years that the LORD will visit Tyre. Then she will go back to her harlot’s wages and will play the harlot with all the kingdoms on the face of the earth. 18Her gain and her harlot’s wages will be set apart to the LORD; it will not be stored up or hoarded, but her gain will become sufficient food and choice attire for those who dwell in the presence of the LORD.

Today, we can still learn the lesson of Tyre. Avoid sinful pride, putting the accomplishments of man or our own accomplishments in a place of honor in our hearts above God. We can also see that after 70 years, God had mercy on Tyre. Sadly, they quickly went back to their old ways. If we have sinned and received God’s mercy, let us not go back to our sinful ways. Instead, let us repent and be transformed to honor God and live His way. We can harvest great benefits from the mercy of God, but we must change our ways!

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help me not to be prideful. Help me to be humble. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. Let me not put my own achievements of those of man above Your place as first in my heart! I pray these things in Yeshua’s name. Amen. 

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex (In Marriage)

This is part 5a of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 5: Conflict Resolution in Marriage.)

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 5a. Friends of the Opposite Sex | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 5a. Article_ Friends of the Opposite Sex_ _ Bible.org

How will you handle friendships with the opposite sex in marriage? This seemingly unimportant issue can often cause great strain and conflict within a marriage.

This topic came up while I was working as a Navy Reserve chaplain at Great Lakes Navy Base. While there, I attended a two-hour group pre-marital counseling session for sailors. The chaplain running the session asked the sailors this question, “How many of you have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands. The next question was, “How many of your fiancés have friends of the opposite sex?” The whole class raised their hands again. Finally, he said, “How many of you plan on keeping it that way?” Each of the sailors looked at each other trying to discern what the right answer was, but eventually, all of them raised their hands again.

The chaplain then began to describe a formula of how relationships develop and progress further than friendship. He said:

I know there are people in here who think their fiancé was the only person in the world they could ever fall in love with. However, let me quickly burst that bubble for you. There is a formula for love, and it is pretty simple. It is having a person of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing. Those are the only three things needed for you to become seriously attracted to someone, and it potentially can happen with anyone.

Those of you who plan to keep your friends of the opposite sex, I would highly discourage it. Do you think most people who end up having affairs, initially planned to cheat on their mates? No, many times it happens simply because the couple did not have a rational plan about how they were going to interact with the opposite sex. They began to have fights and then one spouse went to share their problems with a friend of the opposite sex. When this continually happened, it created vulnerability and intimacy, eventually leading to an affair. Or, one mate had a job that required travel while the other stayed home, partied, and hung out with the opposite sex when the mate was away. Again, this produced the simple formula of the opposite sex + time together + intimate sharing, leading to problems.

These are not uncommon scenarios; they happen all the time. To make it worse, throw alcohol into the picture. Then anything could happen. It only takes one drink to lower your inhibitions…

The topic of friendship with the opposite sex is a topic every couple should consider before getting married. Personally, my wife and I talked about this before marriage, and we both agreed it was very difficult, even as a single person, to have a close relationship with the opposite sex without someone’s feelings eventually getting involved. Not impossible, but difficult.

How did we decide to handle it? As a pastor, I have to minister to females, but I am very careful about being alone with them unless it is necessary for confidentiality. When I am going to be alone with a female for an extended period of time, I always try to let my wife know and make sure she approves. If the counseling will be continuous, I will probably ask her to get involved.

In addition, before I got married, one of my best friends was a female, and to be honest, feelings sometimes got involved. However, we never went further than friendship. In marriage, it was very important to me for my wife to become close with this female if my friend was to remain a part of my life. By God’s grace, my wife now has a closer friendship with her than I do. For me, this was the only way my friend and I could continue to have a close relationship. With that said, my relationship with this girl is not even close to where it was previously because now my wife gets all my intimate thoughts, fears, plans, and time alone. That intimacy is reserved for my wife alone. And, by God’s grace, this close friend is now also married, and her intimate thoughts are reserved for her husband.

Consequently, this is a very important issue for couples to discuss and to create a plan for. When not properly addressed, it often becomes a source of conflict and tension within a marriage and sometimes it can be destructive. How will you handle relationships with the opposite sex?

Continue with Foundation 6: Raising Godly Children in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, lead and guide us in our relationships with others so that we would strengthen our marriage and keep it as a set apart relationship in our lives in a way that brings honor and glory to You. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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