Category Archives: Divorce

Children, Divorce, Marriage, Parenting

Advice for a Follower of Christ Who Is Married to an Unbeliever

I appreciate how Paul clearly identifies when it is his opinion or recommendation rather than instruction directly from the Lord. He provides some specific suggestions for how a believer should handle themselves if they are married to an unbeliever. First, let us be clear that a believer should not marry an unbeliever. That is not what Paul is commenting on.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

    14Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

However, if in marriage, one spouse converts and submits to Christ as Lord, and the other does not, they can find themselves in this situation.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

      12But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Do not take this out of context to conclude that you should encourage your unbelieving spouse to leave. You should not. You should work at your marriage as unto God. You should try to keep your marriage together. That is the primary goal Paul speaks to first. Consider also 1 Peter 3:1-2.

1 Pet 3:1-2

   1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

I think this largely applies to husbands who have wives who are disobedient to the word as well, in that the husbands should demonstrate the godly role of the husband as defined by God.  A key is that you still live for God and put Him first. I think that is the point Paul is making. If your unbelieving spouse insists on leaving because you follow and obey Yeshua, then you can not stop following just so they will stay.

The spouse who has submitted to Jesus as Lord is to live to a different standard than the non-believer. Marriage is to be holy before God. It is to be set apart and done His way. While it is Paul, and not God speaking in this passage, he certainly has a lot of credibility in how to live in a way that is pleasing to God. If you find yourself as a believer married to a non-believer, consider Paul’s words carefully and pray that the Father would help you have the wisdom, courage, and patience to endure the situation. Pray the Holy Spirit will fill you and guide you for it is difficult for any believer to face… so don’t face it alone.

Take some time and ask God to help you in this situation if it applies to you. If it applies to someone you know, please take time to pray for them. If it does not apply to you, you can also give thanks to God that you and your spouse are both pursuing Christ and ask Him to draw you even closer.

—-

Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? Are you living today filled with the peace and joy of truly knowing and following Jesus Christ? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Adultery / Sex Outside Marriage, Am I on the path?, Anger (unrighteous anger), Controlling Thoughts, Divorce, Forgive Others / Seek Forgiveness, Grace / Patience, Guide, His Ways Are Not Our Ways, Holy Spirit / Ruach HaKodesh, Humility, Kindness / Gentleness, Murder, Purposeful / Intentional, Self Control, Strife, Submitted / Servant, Teachable, Tongue / Gossip / Slander

Truly Being a Light for Christ May Seem Challenging

Earlier in Matthew 5, Yeshua was teaching about the beatitudes and then about disciples being salt and light and pursuing righteousness. Now he continues to expound on that by speaking about personal relationships. The context is still continuing in the line of how to be salt and light and righteous… we are to act very differently than the world around us. If we truly consider the high standard and take it to heart, it can be intimidating. However, rather than throw up your hands and say “I can’t do that”, simply recognize that this is the goal we should be moving towards and ask the Spirit to help you get there.

Matthew 5:21-48

Personal Relationships

      21“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ 22“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25“Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26“Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent.      27“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30“If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

31“It was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; 32but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

33“Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FALSE VOWS, BUT SHALL FULFILL YOUR VOWS TO THE LORD.’ 34“But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is THE CITY OF THE GREAT KING. 36“Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37“But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.

38“You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ 39“But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40“If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. 41“Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. 42“Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

43“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ 44“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47“If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48“Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I do not assume we are to take literally the part about removing our body parts if they cause us to offend, but the language certainly drives home the point. If there are things in our lives, even things dear and close to us, that cause us to stumble before our Father, we should remove them.

Really reflect on the behaviors and the high standard laid out here that is required and desired to separate us and help us stand out as the light to others. We are not to blend in and it is not simply by quoting scripture, but by the very manner in which we live that we are to distinguish ourselves as a light. We truly need help from the Spirit to live it out and we need to remain humble and seek forgiveness along the way as we stumble.

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Divorce, Guide, Hebrew Roots / Commands / Law, Loving / Kind, Marriage

What God Has Joined, Let No Man Separate

2 Comments

YHWH does not want divorce. Further, when divorce happens, He does not want divorce to be frivolous. He put forth laws to protect people for when the sinful practice of divorce takes place because of the hardness of the people’s hearts. But he also sets up guidance to protect people and to help marriage be successful.

Matthew 19:3-9

  3Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” 4And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” 8He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

It is interesting that Yeshua calls out “except for immorality”. That should tell us something about how He feels about immorality, which is referring to sexual relations with other than spouse in this case.

YHWH set forth laws to help guide people to right behavior. Marriage should only be entered into with great seriousness and prayer. The law at first is often misunderstood as a means for a man to divorce his wife. This is not the case. Rather the opposite, this is to protect the women. The law requires that there is cause, not just “I don’t like her”. It calls for identifying “indecency” in her. It requires a formal process with witnesses and documentation through a certificate of divorce so it can not be done verbally in haste or anger. There are permanent consequences. You can not remarry once you cast her off once.  Overall, by allowing divorce, it also allows a way out for the woman who may otherwise be trapped under the potential oppression of a man who may be hard on her because he does not love her.

Deuteronomy 24:1-5

Law of Divorce

    1“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.

      5“When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

I really appreciate verse 5, which we should be careful not to overlook. It really is simple and wise guidance. Often today, many put themselves in a position to disregard this by their own choosing. YHWH knows that newlyweds need time to bond and grow together in their relationship. They should take care not to put themselves in positions where they are separated for long periods of time early in their marriage in particular.  Some do this for military, some for other jobs, some for schooling… but it is not a good idea. Others may not separate by distance, but they separate by busyness. They each get so busy in their own lives, each working different jobs perhaps, that they don’ t invest time together to build their relationship. It is very important to establish a good foundation in marriage and then continue investing in it over time.

Let us enter into marriage with great thought and prayer. For those of us who follow Yeshua, let us remember His instruction… divorce was never intended in God’s plan, but rather was allowed due to the hardness of our own hearts. It is better to not divorce in almost all circumstances.

Matthew 19:4-6

4And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

For more perspective on marriage and some resources to help you invest in your marriage, even if it is going well right now, check out our page on Building Your Marriage.

—-

Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Abortion, Discerning / Judging, Divorce, Homosexual Behavior, Marriage, Prayer, Purposeful / Intentional, Rebuke Wrong Behavior, Repenting from Sin, Wickedness / Evil

We Must Not Normalize And Accept Sin

As we dive into Luke 16, the parable of the unjust steward there is much to explore as we have begun in previous articles. Today, we look at Luke 16:18. On the surface it appears to be almost randomly placed.

It is clear and direct… YHWH does not intend for divorce. He intends marriage to be “until death do us part”. There is no clause for “until I change my mind” or “until it gets hard”.

Luke 16:18

      18“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.

For those seeking marriage or married… the message is clear… it is for keeps. Take it seriously and do not make quick or rash decisions in how you select or later treat your spouse. Invest in the relationship.

For those who have divorced… if you have not yet done so, seek the forgiveness of our gracious and merciful Lord. If you seek to remarry or have remarried… see the advice above. Seek the Lord in prayer. While we know we can be forgiven, we should never make light of divorce. It is a sin that often tears apart families in destructive ways.

However, let us explore the context of the placement of this verse in Luke 16. It follows the parable of the unjust steward. Ellicott’s Commentary summarizes it as follows:

Here, again, the explanation that has been given of the parable of the Unjust Steward, offers the only satisfactory explanation of the introduction of a topic apparently so irrelevant. The doctrine and discipline of divorce which the Pharisees taught, lowering the sacredness of the life of home, and ministering to the growing laxity of men’s morals, was precisely what was meant by the steward’s bidding the debtors take their bill and write fifty, or fourscore measures, instead of the hundred.

Our culture is still making the same mistake that the Pharisees did. We continue to downplay sin such as divorce, abortion,  homosexuality, adultery, and fornication. It is almost normalized as acceptable behavior. This approach of changing or lowering the standards that YHWH set leads to cultural and moral decay, focused on and filled with unrepentant sin. All too often we find this attitude is true even within the community and churches of those who claim to follow Christ. They may say “it is not right for me, but we should let others live this way”.

I understand how one can make a mistake, repent, and be a follower of Christ. But truly, how can one claim to follow Christ while actively advocating for sin and against what He taught? That person does not know Him. Those who know Him should not be passive, but actively engaging against normalizing sin in our culture. This includes engagement in the community, the church, and yes… government.

Take some time to pray and ask for the Spirit to speak to you about where you stand and what you should do next to get involved in the fight for Christ and His values. Then listen and obey. Praying for our country and your local community and state for revival is a great place to start. Pray for the wicked to be defeated and the righteous to rise up.

—-

Have you submitted your life to Jesus Christ? Are you living today filled with the peace and joy of truly knowing and following Jesus Christ? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.