Category Archives: Children

Honor Your Father and Mother and Things Will Go Well for You

People generally accept that children should obey their parents as an expectation of a healthy family dynamic. There are easy-to-recognize reasons for this such as children not being able to take care of themselves in even basic ways. They do not recognize hazards like running in the street, etc.

The Bible supports this instruction for children but also adds more depth to it and direction for us fathers as well in Ephesians 6:1-4.

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord,[a] for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”[b]

Fathers,[c] do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

These instructions are repeated again in Colossians 3.

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

It is critical for us to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. To challenge them without aggravating them to the point of being discouraged and feeling inadequate. This scripture is a good reminder for us that we need to pay attention to the cues from our children on how they react to our instruction. Each child is different and needs a different style of parenting. We need to adjust our parenting approach to fit each child, not force each child to adjust to our parenting approach.

Give thanks to God that He provides such a great example to us of what it means to be a father and show that kind of love to us so we can in turn show it to our children.

Shalom. May the grace and peace of our Lord, Yeshua, be with you. Devotion by John in service to Christ


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Advice for a Follower of Christ Who Is Married to an Unbeliever

I appreciate how Paul clearly identifies when it is his opinion or recommendation rather than instruction directly from the Lord. He provides some specific suggestions for how a believer should handle themselves if they are married to an unbeliever. First, let us be clear that a believer should not marry an unbeliever. That is not what Paul is commenting on.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

    14Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

However, if in marriage, one spouse converts and submits to Christ as Lord, and the other does not, they can find themselves in this situation.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

      12But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Do not take this out of context to conclude that you should encourage your unbelieving spouse to leave. You should not. You should work at your marriage as unto God. You should try to keep your marriage together. That is the primary goal Paul speaks to first. Consider also 1 Peter 3:1-2.

1 Pet 3:1-2

   1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

I think this largely applies to husbands who have wives who are disobedient to the word as well, in that the husbands should demonstrate the godly role of the husband as defined by God.  A key is that you still live for God and put Him first. I think that is the point Paul is making. If your unbelieving spouse insists on leaving because you follow and obey Yeshua, then you can not stop following just so they will stay.

The spouse who has submitted to Jesus as Lord is to live to a different standard than the non-believer. Marriage is to be holy before God. It is to be set apart and done His way. While it is Paul, and not God speaking in this passage, he certainly has a lot of credibility in how to live in a way that is pleasing to God. If you find yourself as a believer married to a non-believer, consider Paul’s words carefully and pray that the Father would help you have the wisdom, courage, and patience to endure the situation. Pray the Holy Spirit will fill you and guide you for it is difficult for any believer to face… so don’t face it alone.

Take some time and ask God to help you in this situation if it applies to you. If it applies to someone you know, please take time to pray for them. If it does not apply to you, you can also give thanks to God that you and your spouse are both pursuing Christ and ask Him to draw you even closer.

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Foundation 6: Raising Godly Children in Marriage

This is part 6 of a 9-part series I am sharing from Bible.org. (Link to Foundation 5a: Friends of the Opposite Sex (in Marriage).

Walking through this series with your spouse or future spouse will bring you closer together in understanding one another and God’s intent for marriage.

—Link to Bible.org: 6. Raising Godly Children in Marriage | Bible.org

—Link to PDF: 6. Foundation Six_ Raising Godly Children in Marriage _ Bible.org

How do we raise godly children in marriage? One of the reasons God brings two people together in marriage is for the purpose of raising godly children, children who look like him. Malachi 2:15 says:

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

But how is this accomplished? Obviously, the only perfect model of parenting is God the Father, and therefore, as we look at him and his Word, we can discern principles about raising godly children.

In Order to Raise Godly Children, Parents Must Model Godliness

In order to raise godly children, by necessity, parents must model godliness. Children often model the character of their parents. Listen to how Paul challenged Christians: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2). He called them to imitate God, their father, as dear children and to live a life of love. As a parent, God is loving, righteous, holy, etc., and therefore, his children will in some ways reflect his character.

Similarly, parents must be people of character if they are going to raise godly children. Children raised in a loving home, by parents with character, typically mimic the virtues demonstrated by their parents. In contrast, parents who are not around, who lack self-control in their speech or with their anger, etc., produce the same character in their children. They won’t be able to cultivate righteousness in them. In fact, the hypocrisy will only lead them to rebel.

Consider how Paul challenged Timothy, the pastor of the church of Ephesus: “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:16). Paul told Timothy to be careful about his doctrine (what he taught) and his life (how he lived), because if he did, he would save those who listened to him. Essentially, it could be said this way, “Timothy, if what you say doesn’t match your actions, you will destroy those who follow you.” And it is the same for parents. Many parents destroy their children because they have a speech that doesn’t match their actions. They tell their daughter, “Stop cursing” as expletives fly out of their mouth. They tell their son, “Control your anger!” as they scream at the top of their lungs. The dad tells the kids, “Stop fighting at school,” though he fights with mom at home all the time. In the same way, when parents teach their children to evangelize, serve the church, or care for the poor, but never practice these, then the children likewise will not practice them as well.

Parents who don’t model godliness will not be able to cultivate it in their children. And sadly for Christian parents, the consequences can be disastrous; many children fall away from God all together because of the hypocrisy seen in their homes. In order to raise godly children, parents must model godly character.

In Order to Raise Godly Children, Parents Must Train Their Children in God’s Word

In order for parents to raise godly children, they must not only demonstrate godly character but also teach them Scripture. This is how God the Father develops godliness in us. Ephesians 5:26 describes how Christ washes the church with the water of the Word to make her blameless and holy. Parents must do the same with their children.

Consider what the father, presumably Solomon, said to his son in Proverbs 2:1-13:

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways…

The father told his son to turn his ear to wisdom, to call out for it, to cry aloud for it, to look for it as silver and hidden treasure, and if he did, he would understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. This wisdom would enter his heart and be pleasant to him. It would protect him, guard him, and save him.

When the father calls for the son to seek after wisdom, this primarily refers to knowing and obeying God, as revealed through his Word. Fearing the Lord is called the beginning of wisdom (Prov 9:10). Throughout the Proverbs, this father sits with his son and teaches him the importance of wisdom. He trumpets the benefits of it and seeks to train his son in its ways, so he can be protected and guarded. This is how it should be with every parent. The way they train their children in wisdom (godliness) is by emphasizing the importance of Scripture, teaching their children to memorize it, to apply it, to know and to love God. This must be the daily endeavor of every parent as they aim to raise godly children. The Word of God must be the lifeline of the home.

This is exactly what Moses commanded Israel’s parents in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. He said:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Parents were called to impress the Word of God upon the hearts of their children by talking about it at home, when they went walking, when they went to bed, and when they got up. They were to tie Scriptures on their hands and their heads and to write it on the doorframes of their homes and the gates.

Parents can apply these principles very literally. They should have times of morning and nightly devotions with their kids where they read the Word of God, discuss it, and pray. They should talk about God’s Word when considering their child’s behavior (or other children). They should talk about God’s Word as they critique an inappropriate commercial or scene in a movie. Parents should wisely lead children to recognize sin, our need for the gospel—Christ’s death and resurrection for man’s sin, and ultimately genuine acceptance of Christ’s lordship. As children mature and want to go here or there or do this or that, parents should encourage them to pray to God and seek his wisdom. Parents who are trying to raise godly children must saturate their home with the Bible, as well as practice the truths in it.

Some may call this sheltering, but it isn’t. These kids are still called to be salt and light in the world—to be a blessing to it. However, they are not called to be part of the world. They should think differently because they have a different purpose, and this all starts with a home that is saturated with God’s Word.

Are you willing to saturate your home with the Word of God? It is the Word of God that trains children and equips them for all righteousness (2 Tim 3:16-17).

In Order to Raise Godly Children, Parents Must Discipline Their Children

In order to raise godly children, parents must discipline them. The word “discipline” tends to have a negative connotation but it shouldn’t. It is a rich word. It means: “training to act in accordance with rules”, “activity, exercise, or regimen that develops or improves a skill”, or “punishment inflicted by way of correction or training.”1

Since God is the ultimate Father, we must consider how God disciplines us in order to discern how we should discipline our children. Hebrews 12:5-11 says this about God’s discipline:

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: ‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.’ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews says that every father disciplines his children (v. 7). It is mentioned as an expectation. God disciplines his children and so should every parent. God disciplines through trials and various hardships he allows Christians to go through. Their purpose is holiness (v. 10). In the same way, good parenting disciplines the children for the purpose of “training” and making them righteous (v. 11).

It should be noticed that this passage does not distinguish between punishment for sin (punitive) and hard times that God uses to train us (non-punitive). The writer of Hebrews simply says, “Endure hardship as discipline, God is treating you as sons” (v. 7). The writer sees God in control of all hardship, whether that be hardship as a consequence of sin (punitive) or as a consequence of living in a world full of sin (non-punitive). Regardless, the sovereign God uses all hardship as discipline to train his children in holiness and to make them into the image of his Son (cf. Rom 8:28-29).

Non-Punitive Disciplines

Similarly, parents must initiate various non-punitive disciplines that will encourage holiness in their children. For example, my parents made me participate in sports when I was young, not only to gain broad experiences, but to develop character traits such as patience, team work, humility, etc. At other times, my mom would tell me I could not go outside until I had read a book for an hour. This discipline was implemented in order to help me learn to enjoy reading. In addition, I was given chores to learn how to work hard, to manage time, and to learn the value of a dollar, as I was given allowance. On other occasions, I would have to finish an endeavor I started, but did not like, simply to teach me endurance—to not quit when things were difficult.

In the same way, God brings (or allows) non-punitive disciplines in our lives not because we’re in sin but for training, in order to make us holier. Sometimes, he puts us in waiting seasons to develop patience. Sometimes, he brings us through hardship, like Job, to develop perseverance and to know God in a more intimate way. The hardship isn’t necessarily a consequence of sin; it is allowed in order to foster faith in God and godly character traits. Similarly, as parents, we must stretch our children through various disciplines to help them grow.

Parents should wisely introduce various forms of discipline to their children for the sake of character development. These may include disciplines like learning to play an instrument, playing a sport, completing chores, working a job, reading, etc. It should include disciplines such as limited time playing video games, being on the Internet, watching TV and movies, staying up late, and even eating healthy. As a pastor working with college students, I have watched students fail out of school because they played video games all day or watched movies all night. Discipline in these areas of life starts in the home. Parents who do not implement these types of disciplines may raise children with no discipline at all, which will eventually result in negative consequences in their lives.

Punitive Disciplines

As far as punitive discipline, the writer of Hebrews shares two techniques that God uses in Hebrews 12:6. These techniques are more clearly seen in the KJV. It says, “My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” There is a clear heightening of severity with each discipline. Chastening is a form of communication used to correct, such as a rebuke. As a discipline for sin, God will rebuke us through his Word, maybe through a sermon or a friend, calling us to repent and do what is right. If rebuke does not work, God then brings punishment. He scourges believers, which refers to a whipping. A believer who is in sin will experience many difficulties brought for the purpose of correction. For example, when Jonah rebelled against God’s words, the Lord brought a storm into his life that almost killed him. In 1 Corinthians 11, the members of the Corinthian church experienced sickness, weariness, and even death for taking the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner (v. 29-31).

Similarly, parents must develop a system of discipline that increases in severity, which includes corrective communication and punishment, to foster holiness in the life of their child. Scripture teaches that “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov 22:15). Foolishness in the Bible refers to disobedience to God and his Word. Psalm 14:1 says, “The fool says in his heart there is no God.” Parents must understand that foolishness is bound up in the hearts of their children. Children are intrinsically wired to disobey God and his established authorities—they want their own way. If not disciplined, children will live a life of rebellion against God and all authority.

Proverbs 23:14 says this about disciplining a child: “Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” What type of death is the Proverb talking about? No doubt, this refers to a potential early physical death, but it also refers to spiritual death—separation from God (cf. Rom 6:23). Disciplining our children prepares them to live a long life (cf. Ex 20:12) and to know and follow God, as they eventually accept the gospel and submit to Christ’s Lordship. An undisciplined child will be prone to continue in foolishness and never follow Christ. Discipline is not only important for a child’s earthly life but for his eternal destiny.

Wise parents realize this and work hard to “drive” foolishness far from their children through measured discipline (Prov 22:15). Parents should discipline their children, not because they have been inconvenienced or embarrassed, but because their children have disobeyed and dishonored God. They discipline them out of love. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” This endeavor takes hard work and perseverance. Because of its importance, it deserves strategic planning and a partnership between both parents.

The two aspects of punitive discipline God uses on us, as described in Hebrews, are communication (rebuke) and punishment (scourges). The first step in punitive discipline should be consistent, corrective communication. Parents must expose what the child did wrong, why it was wrong, and warn of consequences—both short term and long term. When the child continues in sin, parents should lovingly punish to deter from further sin, even as God does with us.

The secret to discipline is a healthy balance between corrective communication and punishment. When children are young, there should be less reasoning and more punishment so that they learn obedience. As they grow older, there should be more communication and less punishment. If parents don’t teach them obedience through punishment when they are young, they won’t respond to communication and reasoning when they are old. There is a small window for parents to ingrain obedience in children while they are young (Prov 22:6); when they are older, it will be much harder.

What types of punishment should parents use?

In Proverbs, we continually see the word “rod” used in reference to disciplining children, as previously quoted. Let’s listen to a few of these verses again.

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 23:13-14

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24

The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:15

When the writers of Proverbs use the word “rod”, it seems to primarily refer to forms of corporal punishment. There are several evidences for this. First, corporal punishment was a typical discipline in ancient societies including that of Israel (cf. Deut 25:3). Second, the fact that it is repeated so many times in the Proverbs makes it unlikely for the rod to be merely symbolic. Third, some verses clearly refer to corporal punishment. For example, Proverbs 23:14 says, “If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (ESV).

Due to the deplorable amount of child abuse happening in societies, spankings are commonly looked down upon and even considered barbaric. However, physical abuse, or any kind of abuse for that matter, was never God’s plan for training children. God teaches the rod should be an act of love (Prov 13:24). It is loving parents seeking to save their children from death (23:14).

How should punitive discipline (including spankings) be administered to children? Here are a few guidelines.

1. Discipline should never be given in anger.

Scripture says, “man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:20). When parents yell at their children or spank them in anger, they are abusing them. It will not produce the righteous life that God desires in children. Parents should be calm and measured when disciplining a child.

2. Discipline should be equal to the sin.

In the Mosaic law, civil discipline had to be equal to the crime; it was to be “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth” (Ex 21:24). This is also true in disciplining children. Parents must wisely consider the consequences for each infraction. If discipline is unfair, it may result in rebellion.

In addition, when deciding the punishment, parents must discern the difference between childishness and foolishness. Small children are going to spill milk; that is childishness. But when they spill the milk, were they doing it to be rebellious? Foolishness should be punished, and childishness should be corrected.

3. Discipline should be consistent.

When a parent continually tells their children, “If you do this, then I will discipline you when we get home,” and the parent does nothing, then children learn that the parent doesn’t always mean what he or she says, and therefore, they don’t always have to obey. Also, if the parent doesn’t discipline the child for turning on the TV when they should be sleeping, but then does the next time, it confuses the child. Discipline must be consistent. In addition, the giving of discipline should also be consistent between the parents. Parents must present a unified front; otherwise, it will promote manipulation from the child and cause discord within the marriage.

4. Discipline should create intimacy instead of distance.

When a child is being disobedient to his parent, distance is created in the relationship. However, when the parent disciplines the child, it shouldn’t create a greater distance—it should restore intimacy. This is how God’s discipline functions with us. Sin separates us from God, but his discipline is meant to draw us back into intimacy. This is another reason why parents shouldn’t discipline when angry or give unfair disciplines; it further alienates the child instead of drawing him closer.

In developing a system of punitive discipline for our children, like our heavenly Father, parents must consistently correct their children through communication. They must teach them what sin is and why it is wrong, especially from a biblical perspective. They must warn children so they can turn away from temptation. When children sin, parents must consistently punish them in order to train them to honor God.

Parents must implement both punitive and non-punitive disciplines in order to promote holiness in their children. Non-punitive disciplines are as simple as reading an hour a day, learning to play an instrument, playing a sport, having limited time on electronics, eating healthy, etc. These will promote virtues like teamwork, perseverance, self-control, and moderation which will bless them for the rest of their lives.

What types of discipline will you implement in the lives of your children to promote godly character in them?

In Order to Raise Godly Children, Parents Must Avoid Provoking Their Children to Anger

As we consider discipline, it is very important for parents to not discipline children in a way that provokes rebellion. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” In this text, Paul spoke to fathers and commanded them to not embitter their children lest they become discouraged or “lose heart,” as translated in the NASB. This is not simply referring to a child getting upset, for this is inevitable. It has to do with a deep–rooted, settled anger that stays in this child and affects his character for the rest of his life. This anger will result in rebellion both towards the parents and towards God, and may keep them from ever becoming the righteous seed that God desires.

The word “father” can also be translated “parents” (cf. Hebrews 11:23). This sin is committed not only by fathers; it is also committed by mothers. It is possible for parents to embitter their children to the point where they rebel.

How do parents embitter their children? This can happen in many ways.

1. Parents embitter their children by not disciplining them.

This is one of the quickest ways to develop bitterness in children. Spoiled children are thankless and bitter. Because they get their way all the time, they are bitter whenever any authority does not give them what they want or when life becomes difficult. As mentioned, Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). Parents embitter them by never driving the foolishness, the sin, out of their hearts through discipline.

2. Parents embitter their children by abusing them or giving improper discipline.

Abuse, either verbally or physically, sows seeds of anger or hatred in the hearts of children. The anger sown is hard to remove. Many times these children abuse others because of the anger in them.

However, we see this not only as a result of abuse but improper discipline as well. When a parent unwisely uses his anger, it trains his child to unwisely use his also. For example, the parent becomes angry and curses at him, criticizes him, or even harshly disciplines him. Even if the punishment is just, the improper use of anger trains the child. The child learns, “When I am angry it is OK to curse; it is OK to hit somebody; it is OK to go crazy.” He never learns how to properly control his anger and, therefore, struggles with anger throughout his life.

3. Parents embitter their children by neglecting them.

Many children grow bitter because their parents are never around. Consequently, they lack love and affection causing them to grow bitter. Some parents neglect their children for work. They work long hours in order to achieve a certain amount of success, and this keeps them away from home. Ultimately, this hurts children both emotionally and spiritually.

Sadly, in our society many parents neglect their children by sending them away to extensive education or extracurricular programs. Many times these programs are meant to compensate for their lack of presence. It is not God’s will for teachers, coaches, or babysitters to raise children. That is why he gave children to the parents. Certainly, these people should play a role, but it is important for parents to be the primary influence in the lives of their children. Parents must be careful not to neglect their children.

4. Parents embitter their children by never encouraging them and showing them affection.

We saw this in the story of Martin Luther. He had a father who never encouraged him or showed him love. Listen to what commentator William Barclay said:

It is one of the tragic facts of religious history that Martin Luther’s father was so stern to him that, all his life, Luther found it difficult to pray: ‘Our Father.’ The word father in his mind represented nothing but severity. The duty of the parent is discipline, but it is also encouragement. Luther himself said: ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child. It is true. But beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he does well.’2

Healthy parents not only discipline their children but also reward them. Parents reward their children when they do well and discipline them when they do wrong. Children start to learn fairness by this balanced approach.

5. Parents embitter their children by showing favoritism toward other siblings.

We get a good picture of this in the story of Jacob, the father of Joseph. Jacob gave Joseph the robe of many colors, showing special favor to this son above the other eleven. This embittered the older siblings against the father and also against Joseph. Later, they kidnapped and sold Joseph into slavery out of anger (Gen 37).

How often do siblings become embittered against one another because of unwise parenting? These children grow up disliking one another. “Mother always thought you were the prettiest!” “Dad always liked you because you were the smartest and the most athletic!” This happens all the time, as parents embitter their children by showing favoritism.

Training children is a delicate ministry and parents tend to lose balance. Some parents become permissive, leading them into anger and rebellion. Others become authoritarians, leading to the same. In our parenting, God has called us to not embitter our children. When we embitter them, we can’t lead them to God, which was the very reason God gave them to us.

In Order to Raise Godly Children, Parents Must Know Their Children

Finally, in order to raise godly children, parents must know them. As with all the points, this is a reflection of how God develops godliness in us as his children. He knows us. Listen to what God said to Jeremiah when he called him to be a prophet to the nations: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” (Jeremiah 1:5). God knew Jeremiah intimately. Similarly, David spoke of how God knew him in Psalm 139:1: “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.” To search means to “examine thoroughly.”3 God had examined David thoroughly, he knew him.

Similarly, parents must know their children if they are going to raise them in godliness and lead them into God’s plan for their lives. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” “In the way he should go” can also be translated as “his way” or “his bend.” The Amplified Bible translates it this way: “Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.” The word “way” comes from a Hebrew verb used of a bow launching an arrow.4 When a person shoots an arrow, the tension must align with the natural bend in the bow or it will break. This is also true in raising children.

Some parents damage their children by trying to train them in a way God didn’t wire them. They may do this by pushing their kids into the medical field, athletics, etc., even though the children show no aptitude or passion in those areas. God gives us children who are already uploaded with a unique and specific program like a computer. We can’t use software uniquely made for an Apple with a PC. It’s the same with children. Some will be wired towards the arts, technology, or serving ministries. It is the job of parents to get to know the way God wired them, so they can encourage them in those areas.

This can be difficult for parents, especially if their child’s wiring doesn’t fit their expectation or what might be considered successful in society. However, we are called to train a child according to his own way—according to his own bend (Prov 22:6)—not ours’ or others’. Their “way” may not appeal to us, but ultimately, we are raising children for God and to fulfill his calling on their lives. Like Jeremiah, God knew them before they were in the womb (Jer 1:5). Like David, they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and called for a specific work (Eph 2:10). It is the parent’s job to help discern this work and to help the children fulfill it.

In order to know their children and the way they are wired, parents must spend quality time with them. Just like the husband and wife must spend time together to cultivate their marriage, parents should spend quality time with each child. This can become complicated as the number of children grows. Many parents maneuver this by planning weekly or monthly dates with each child. For instance, every Wednesday night will be daddy daughter date, or once a month mom and son will go to their favorite restaurant, etc. Parents must take time to be with their children, to listen to them, to study them, and to have fun with them, ultimately for the purpose of leading them in godliness.

How will you strategically make time to get to know your children so you can more effectively lead them in God’s calling for their lives?

Conclusion

When God made Adam and Eve, it was his will for them to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28). However, they were not just called to give birth to children, but to raise the children to be godly and to honor God with their lives (cf. Mal 2:15). And it’s the same for us as parents.

How can we raise godly children?

    1. In order to raise godly children, parents must model godliness.
    2. In order to raise godly children, parents must train their children in God’s Word.
    3. In order to raise godly children, parents must discipline their children.
    4. In order to raise godly children, parents must avoid provoking their children to anger.
    5. In order to raise godly children, parents must know their children.

Raising Godly Children in Marriage Homework

Answer the questions, then discuss together.

1. What was new or stood out to you in this session? In what ways were you challenged or encouraged? Were there any points/thoughts that you did not agree with?

2. Would you agree that the most important aspect of raising godly children is the parents’ consistency in modeling godliness? Why or why not? Are there areas in your life that you believe will not be a good model for your children? What about your mate? How can you address these areas to present a better model?

3. Moses commanded parents to impress the Word of God upon their own hearts and their children’s (Deut 6:6-9). How are you currently trying to impress the Word of God on your heart? How will you impress the Word of God upon your children’s hearts? What type of practices will you use?

4. How were you disciplined as a child (both punitive and non-punitive)? Do you think it was effective and how so? If not, why not?

5. What are your thoughts about Scripture’s call for parents to use the “rod” to correct children (Prov 22:15)? What types of punitive disciplines do you plan on implementing with your children? How will you implement them?

6. What types of non-punitive disciplines do you plan on implementing with your children? Write down both the discipline and the desired character traits that should come from the discipline (i.e. by giving chores and allowance it will teach the child how to handle money, hard work, etc.). It may prove helpful to brainstorm.

7. Discuss this with your mate and come to some conclusions about types of discipline both non-punitive and punitive. Share conclusions and any anticipated areas of difficulty.

8. How have you seen or experienced children who have been provoked to wrath or rebellion by their parents? How will you protect your children from this?

9. How many children do you plan to have? How will you strategically take time to get to know each child individually?

10. After completing this session, how do you feel God is calling you to pray for your marriage? Spend some time praying.

Continue with Foundation 7: Financial Faithfulness in Marriage.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, lead and guide Your people who are called by Your name to have wisdom in raising children in marriage. Let us not lean on cultural norms and the ways of men, but rather embrace Your instructions in the Bible. Let our children be a light to others to draw them in. Let our families bring honor and glory to You and Your name as we are holy and set apart from the ways of men. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Make Learning About God Fun!

The world continuously bombards our children with messages that are not consistent with a Christian world view – whether online websites, apps, videos or music. However, there are some very creative Christians that have put their talents to work honoring God by creating wonderful material that is consistent with what we hear from Jesus. You and your kids can honor God and have fun doing it!

What your children are exposed to does matter. Don’t settle for programming and entertainment that mocks or ignores our Lord. Instead seek out material which trains up our children in the way they should go. Please take some time to explore the resource links we have included here and share with those you think may benefit from it. There is some great stuff to get you started. If you are like me, once you know this kind of stuff is out there, you will go look for it on your own and find much more than what I have listed here.

Check out the Kid Zone section in Resources on our website, www.HearingFromJesus.org. Click the specific links below to dive right into the Kid Zone.

Kid Zone

Proverbs 22:6

6Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Do you have recommendations that honor God? Please share your input through our Contact Us page.

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Let Us Celebrate, Honor, and Love Mothers

We should celebrate, honor, and love mothers all year round. Honoring mothers should be more than a once a year “Thank you, Mom. Here is a gift I bought.” Let’s reflect on some of what the Bible says about the role of wives and mothers.

Deuteronomy 5:16

16‘Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the LORD your God gives you.

Not everyone who gives birth is a good and selfless mother, but many mothers sacrifice daily to take care of their household. They work hard. They are compassionate and loving. Good mothers are seldom idle.

Proverbs 31:13-31

13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

20She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

Good mothers help to teach and guide their children in righteousness.

Proverbs 6:20-22

20My son, observe the commandment of your father
And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;

21Bind them continually on your heart;
Tie them around your neck.

22When you walk about, they will guide you;
When you sleep, they will watch over you;
And when you awake, they will talk to you.

Children should live in righteousness and bring joy and gladness to their mother. This is a greater gift than can be put in a box with a bow to be given one day a year.

Proverbs 23:22-25

22Listen to your father who begot you,
And do not despise your mother when she is old.

23Buy truth, and do not sell it,
Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.

24The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice,
And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him.

25Let your father and your mother be glad,
And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.

Good mothers exemplify Biblical love, especially for their families. Their children should demonstrate this kind of love to them (daily) as well.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Remember to celebrate, honor, and love mothers all year round. There is no gift that can be purchased once a year that will bring more joy to them than loving and honoring them year round in a biblical manner. As children, let us seek to live in righteousness and lovingkindness, which will bring joy to good mothers and to YHWH.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for raising up compassionate and loving mothers among your people to care for their children and their families. Please encourage those who are overwhelmed or struggling. Please lift up godly examples for others to follow. Help us to show our love, appreciation and respect for them. Amen.


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

God Cares How We Raise Our Children!

God has a lot to say about parenting. Whoever has ears, let them hear…

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates. [Psalm 127:3-5]

Train up a child in the way he should go,  And when he is old he will not depart from it. [Proverbs 22:6]

The rod and rebuke give wisdom,  But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. [Proverbs 29:15]

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. [Ephesians 6:4]

 

Children are truly a blessing. It is important though for us to train them up properly. We must always remember that they are smart and will learn first from what we do and remember that far longer than they remember what we say!

Don’t just go through the motions and do what your parents did when you were a kid or what others around you or the world do. Seek and understand what God wants us to do. You can set a strong foundation that they can build upon.

Challenge yourself to put God as the focus of celebrations and holidays, and especially our day to day. What media (e.g. movies, books, games, apps ,etc.) do you allow? Do they honor God? or do you rationalize that they are probably not as bad as other stuff that is out there? We should raise our expectations to follow God’s standard, not just try to be less bad than those around us!

And always remember that the best way to show love is not to buy something but rather to spend quality time with them doing something they enjoy.

Focused Ministry

  • Focus on the Family is a ministry with specific focus around marriage and family. There are many resources available including material focused on parenting.

Books and Other Resources

  •  While They Were Sleeping  is a prayer guide that guides moms (and dads) through prayer for their children focused around 12 important character traits we all want our children to have.

Check out our website resource page for Parenting to follow as we add more resources that help us honor God as we raise our children.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please lead and guide Your people as parents raising children. Help us to raise godly seed. Help us to set the example of being set apart from society. Help us to set and lead to Your standards and not simply be “less bad” than others around us, because that standard is constantly changing and moving further and further from You. Prepare our children to be bold and courageous in living for You and embracing Your ways. Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Get Comfortable Being Different

Josiah was a righteous king. When he died, his son Joahaz became king, but was quickly deposed by Egypt. Jehoiakim became king in his place and did evil in the site of the LORD. He was removed by Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon after 11 years. His son, Jehoiachin, reigned only 3 months but is still highlighted as doing evil.

As I reflect on this pattern in 2 Chronicles, I cannot help but think how easy it is for a nation, a family, or even an individual to slip into the traditions of men instead of the instructions of Yahweh.  It takes strong leadership and courage to lead a family or nation out of ways that are wicked in the face of Yah, but well accepted by man. It is very easy to get accustomed to the ways of men around you and move further and further away from the LORD’s ways.

We truly must remind ourselves and pray for Yah to help us to remain set apart from the ways of man. That means we will often stand alone or in the minority. Many around us will not understand the choices we make. We will be different than those around us. But this is also necessary to be set apart and holy for Yah’s use.

Get comfortable being different.

2 Chronicles 36:1-9

Jehoahaz, Jehoiakim, then Jehoiachin Rule

      1Then the people of the land took Joahaz the son of Josiah, and made him king in place of his father in Jerusalem. 2Joahaz was twenty-three years old when he became king, and he reigned three months in Jerusalem. 3Then the king of Egypt deposed him at Jerusalem, and imposed on the land a fine of one hundred talents of silver and one talent of gold. 4The king of Egypt made Eliakim his brother king over Judah and Jerusalem, and changed his name to Jehoiakim. But Neco took Joahaz his brother and brought him to Egypt.

      5Jehoiakim was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned eleven years in Jerusalem; and he did evil in the sight of the LORD his God. 6Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon came up against him and bound him with bronze chains to take him to Babylon. 7Nebuchadnezzar also brought some of the articles of the house of the LORD to Babylon and put them in his temple at Babylon. 8Now the rest of the acts of Jehoiakim and the abominations which he did, and what was found against him, behold, they are written in the Book of the Kings of Israel and Judah. And Jehoiachin his son became king in his place.

      9Jehoiachin was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned three months and ten days in Jerusalem, and he did evil in the sight of the LORD.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please raise up righteous leaders who will lead us in the restoration of Your ways. Give them courage, discernment and Your hand of blessing to help them prosper in Your work. Please remove wicked leaders from our local, state, and national (and global) government and leadership in business, education and other areas. Lead us in the restoration of Your ways! Draw Your people together in unity, standing against and separate from the ways of men. Bring us together in greater and greater numbers. Help us to be teachable and submitted as You call us away from many traditions and inaccurate teachings of men that Christians have followed for centuries so that we could embrace a return to Your ways fully! Amen. 

Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ


Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.

Will You Lead Your Children in Righteousness or Be a Stumbling Block?

The actions of parents can have significant impact on the path which their children follow. Parents who live in sin and rebellion, apart from Yahweh, set that example for their children. Even if the parents later repent, and humble themselves before Yahweh, there is still opportunity for their children to stay on the wrong path.  Parents have potential to be a big help or a stumbling block for their children in their walk with the Yahweh.

2 Chronicles 33:21-25

Amon Becomes King in Judah

      21Amon was twenty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned two years in Jerusalem. 22He did evil in the sight of the LORD as Manasseh his father had done, and Amon sacrificed to all the carved images which his father Manasseh had made, and he served them. 23Moreover, he did not humble himself before the LORD as his father Manasseh had done, but Amon multiplied guilt. 24Finally his servants conspired against him and put him to death in his own house. 25But the people of the land killed all the conspirators against King Amon, and the people of the land made Josiah his son king in his place.

I am sure Manasseh would not have wanted this path for Amon. Manasseh humbled himself and repented before the LORD. However, Manasseh had previously created idols and led the people to wrongful worship of false gods and even after he repented, the people still worshipped at the high places, against Yah’s instruction. Manasseh’s actions, even though he later repented, established potential to impact not only his people, but his own children.

Let us humbly remember the same for our own lives. We have impact on those around us. In particular, we have impact on those who are closest to us. Keep this in mind when considering your relationship with Yahweh. If there are things that you should repent of, do so early and take on the hard work of change and repentance so your children may not have to or so they have a better chance of success doing so! Do not be a stumbling block for your own children in their pursuit of Yahweh.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, please help me see and repent from anything in my life which calls for repentance. Help parents of Your people have wisdom, discernment and courage in leading their children. Help us to worship You in the way You ask and to turn from the ways of men. Amen. 

 

Receive David’s Advice to His Son Like it Was Directed at You

We have previously studied 1 Chronicles 22 from the perspective of one who is great, like David, playing a supportive role to honor God, even though he wanted to play a lead role in building the temple. He did not go halfway. His focus was on bringing glory to God, not himself. David made ample preparations to set up Solomon for success in the mission that he wanted for himself.

This time we will focus in on the advice that David gave to his son Solomon. David was a great king and despite many mistakes, he was a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22). When he sinned, he repented. He gave much glory to the LORD and had a very open and close relationship with Yahweh.

1 Chronicles 22

David Prepares for Temple Building

      1Then David said, “This is the house of the LORD God, and this is the altar of burnt offering for Israel.”

      2So David gave orders to gather the foreigners who were in the land of Israel, and he set stonecutters to hew out stones to build the house of God. 3David prepared large quantities of iron to make the nails for the doors of the gates and for the clamps, and more bronze than could be weighed; 4and timbers of cedar logs beyond number, for the Sidonians and Tyrians brought large quantities of cedar timber to David. 5David said, “My son Solomon is young and inexperienced, and the house that is to be built for the LORD shall be exceedingly magnificent, famous and glorious throughout all lands. Therefore now I will make preparation for it.” So David made ample preparations before his death.

Solomon Charged with the Task

      6Then he called for his son Solomon, and charged him to build a house for the LORD God of Israel. 7David said to Solomon, “My son, I had intended to build a house to the name of the LORD my God. 8“But the word of the LORD came to me, saying, ‘You have shed much blood and have waged great wars; you shall not build a house to My name, because you have shed so much blood on the earth before Me. 9‘Behold, a son will be born to you, who shall be a man of rest; and I will give him rest from all his enemies on every side; for his name shall be Solomon, and I will give peace and quiet to Israel in his days. 10‘He shall build a house for My name, and he shall be My son and I will be his father; and I will establish the throne of his kingdom over Israel forever.’ 11“Now, my son, the LORD be with you that you may be successful, and build the house of the LORD your God just as He has spoken concerning you. 12“Only the LORD give you discretion and understanding, and give you charge over Israel, so that you may keep the law of the LORD your God. 13“Then you will prosper, if you are careful to observe the statutes and the ordinances which the LORD commanded Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be dismayed. 14“Now behold, with great pains I have prepared for the house of the LORD 100,000 talents of gold and 1,000,000 talents of silver, and bronze and iron beyond weight, for they are in great quantity; also timber and stone I have prepared, and you may add to them. 15“Moreover, there are many workmen with you, stonecutters and masons of stone and carpenters, and all men who are skillful in every kind of work. 16“Of the gold, the silver and the bronze and the iron there is no limit. Arise and work, and may the LORD be with you.”

      17David also commanded all the leaders of Israel to help his son Solomon, saying, 18“Is not the LORD your God with you? And has He not given you rest on every side? For He has given the inhabitants of the land into my hand, and the land is subdued before the LORD and before His people. 19“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God; arise, therefore, and build the sanctuary of the LORD God, so that you may bring the ark of the covenant of the LORD and the holy vessels of God into the house that is to be built for the name of the LORD.”

What advice did David give to his own son? We should probably receive it as if it was given to us directly.

  •  11“Now, my son, the LORD be with you that you may be successful, and build the house of the LORD your God just as He has spoken concerning you.

David knew it was important for Solomon to live in such a way that the LORD would be with him. This is key in accomplishing what the LORD calls us to do. We are not to try to go do it on our own. Ask and wholeheartedly seek the LORD. It should not be an afterthought, but rather a priority.

  •  12“Only the LORD give you discretion and understanding, and give you charge over Israel, so that you may keep the law of the LORD your God. 13“Then you will prosper, if you are careful to observe the statutes and the ordinances which the LORD commanded Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be dismayed.

Seek wisdom and discernment from the LORD. Seek His help in whatever your responsibility may be. For Solomon, it was ruling Israel. For many of us it may include spouse, children, ministry, community, and work.

Observe the statutes and ordinances the LORD commanded. This is not just the 10 commandments, but all the statutes and ordinances of the Law. Christianity has not replaced the Law of God. In Messiah, we are grafted in to Israel. We should follow the same law that Jesus did when he was judged to have lived a sinless life. We do need to understand more detail on this matter, as it can seem complicated. There are some parts of the Law which we can no longer follow. To learn more, read Understanding the Law. What Does it Mean for Us Today?

Notice this is not always easy. David implores Solomon to be strong and courageous right after telling him to obey the Law. People will come against you and try to convince you to live another way. This reminds me of the guidance Joshua received from the LORD in Joshua 1:6-9.

6“Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. 7“Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. 8“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. 9“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

  •  19“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God

This last piece of advice is aimed at the leaders of Israel rather than Solomon, but was to good to leave out.

Reflect prayerfully on this advice as if it was directed at you. Ask the Spirit to reveal to you any areas of your life which you should make changes.

I invite you to pray with me:

Father, thank You for Your written word to lead and guide us. Help us to have wisdom and discernment to understand how You want us to live generally and specifically for each of us. Help us to be strong and courageous. Draw us to seek You wholeheartedly. Please walk with Your people and help us to walk in righteousness. Amen. 

 Shalom

Devotion by John in service to Christ

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Do you know for sure if you will go to heaven or hell when you die? Are you experiencing in your life the peace and joy of a personal relationship with our Creator and Father? Learn more about salvation through The Message of the Cross.